New user..Advice


New member

Hello all members of the polyamory family,

Hello my name is Mena.. I have recently started a poly relationship with my husband and his best friend. To make a long story short (and if you later need details, please email me)my husband and I are very open with our relationship as well as his best friend. His friend and wife separated so he is staying with us. Now nothing negative has happened and we are in a wonderful place, both feel mutual love from me. Of course I’m enjoying it too.. lol my concern is has anyone had a similar situation that might give me advice to keep it this way. There are things y’all should know. These guys are plumbers together and they both are alpha males. Like I said it has been an amazing moment for all three of us so we havnt any complaints, but I do wanna make sure I’m doing it right by being open and honest with both and that boundaries are not being overstepped and everyone remains happy. Please help me out and give me some sounds advice. Much appreciated.
Hello Mena,

There is an old saying about poly, it goes, "First year forming, second year storming, third year norming." The point is, it is normal to have some stormy weather early in your poly relationship, early on, but after the NRE stage. You are probably in the NRE stage. That can last anywhere from six months to two years, or three months to three years. After that, the storming phase will probably begin. It can be complicated and while the forum can give you advice, there isn't much prepackaged advice that would spare you from the storming phase altogether. The best thing you can do is keep the forum updated on your situation, so that forum members can give you specific advice for your specific situation. You must remember, all individuals are unique and as such, the formula for success in your polycule will also be unique.

I recommend for you to start a new thread in Poly Relationships Corner, you will get a lot more responses there from a lot more people. Possibly the mods could move this thread over to that board, you could ask them for help. Also you could visit the Master Thread - links to other threads worth reading, there is a lot of good information there, and advice that could help you ahead of time.

Your situation reminds me of my situation, I am in an MFM V just like yours. We had some rough times during our early years, but we hung in there, and gradually moved into the "norming stage" as we learned (by trial and error) what works for us. Perhaps the most important thing we learned is to keep the channels of communication open! That would be my initial advice to you.

Keep reading and posting on this forum, there's so much you can learn here, and there's a lot of collective wisdom you can tap into. Good luck!

Kevin T.