Newb Intro

S

saradsantos

New member
Hello everyone. I am new to this forum and a total newb to mono/poly as well. My wife and I have been together for 9 years and she's always expressed her belief that "people aren't supposed to be monogamous", but has only recently made her desire known to me that she would like to engage in non-monogamy. We lived together for about 7 years, but the past 2 years we have lived separately because we both feel that this is the only sane way for us to continue our relationship. I have children, she does not. We both value our alone time and our own personal space and we have the means to provide separate homes, so it is what works for us for now. We are committed to each other and neither of us has the desire to end our marriage. I am monogamous (for now) and she is currently trying to find someone she can see on the side. We don't really know how to "do" any of this, so our version goes like this - I don't want to know any details about what she does with other people, but I do want to be informed when/if she becomes sexually active with someone else. I am not jealous of her sleeping with other people, but I am envious that she finds the energy to see other people when she barely spends any time with me other than sitting around at home. She is a shift worker at one of the nearby refineries, works 12 hour shift, on a Coker unit (which is hot, messy, stinky, etc.) and I am absolutely not needy of her time/attention. We are sexually active and we love to canoodle. We like each other. A lot. We are both 45 and we have 5 dogs that go back and forth between our two homes. When my youngest child graduates (he is 12), our plan is to sell my townhouse and we will live together again in her house.

Here's why I am interested in this forum. I have been reading books, blogs, listening to podcasts, and basically scouring the interwebs for information about poly/mono relationships. This forum seems to be loaded with helpful information and so far, it feels like a very good place to be for someone who is in the beginning stages of figuring this whole thing out. I look forward to possible future support and find that forums can sometimes be exactly what you need when you have a specific concern or just need support.

Thanks for listening. Cheers!
 
Greetings saradsantos,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

You'll certainly have many opportunities to interact with people here, and get advice and feedback on both mono/poly issues and other issues as well.

You may have looked at the following already, but here's a few mono/poly resources I know of:

I hope that helps. (Some of those are on this forum, some not.)

Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter" :)

Notes:

There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.

Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.

If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.

Welcome aboard!
 
Welcome! There's a lot of good information here! Have the two of you read "The Ethical Slut," or "More than Two?" They're great resources! I look forward to reading more from you!
 
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