I'm involved in my first poly relationship. My new partner (B) and I have been dating for about 8 months, and we are in love. B is absolutely one of the kindest people I have ever met; he is a good, good person.
Both B and I are married to other people. B's marriage is in great shape; his wife (A) is also partnered to J. B, A, and J spend a lot of time together. I like A and J but don't see them all that frequently, because my sense is that B is not yet entirely comfortable with me socializing with them yet.
My marriage is rockier, and my husband N is not particularly social. N has hung out with B but only occasionally. They have gotten along well.
That's the backdrop.
B and I are able to spend time in person together one or two times a week; it's always amazing, deep, heartfelt communication with great sexual energy. We have crazy stuff in common and love enjoying those activities together. Every encounter deepens my connection with B. When we are together, B and I are present, connected, and totally on the same page. I'm okay with the level of in-person interactions. Both of us have kids, and our lives are busy. More would be nice, but it's doable as is.
The problem is the rest of the time.
When we are not together, we tend to chat online, email or text. We do this everyday, and almost every night. These interactions can be connective (and so wonderful!!) but are often get superficial by B, along the lines of: hope you've had a good day! etc, with no emotional engagement. He's busy, and tired, and less intense than I am.
While it's nice to check in, exchanging pleasantries drives me nuts because, for me, it dissipates intimacy. I'v talked to B about that; and we've tried various ideas to make it work; including, not checking in as frequently and making sure we're using a a full keyboard, rather than a phone. Those have worked on and off.
This weekend was so hard. Weekends are difficult for me because the unstructured time with N right now is challenging. I've told B this. B was off having a great time, hanging with A and J one night, A and the kids for two other nights. There was no meaningful interaction between B and me any of those days, though B thoughtfully sent me some photos and sent quick messages each of those days.
I'm jealous of the time B, A, J spend together - jealous like a kid not invited to a party. I know this is my problem and I am working on it, and it feels manageable.
But mostly, I am *so angry* about the lack of time and space for meaningful interaction. I feel cast aside and disregarded.
I don't think my response is reasonable, but I am angry and sad, and lonely, and looking for some perspective. Thanks.
Both B and I are married to other people. B's marriage is in great shape; his wife (A) is also partnered to J. B, A, and J spend a lot of time together. I like A and J but don't see them all that frequently, because my sense is that B is not yet entirely comfortable with me socializing with them yet.
My marriage is rockier, and my husband N is not particularly social. N has hung out with B but only occasionally. They have gotten along well.
That's the backdrop.
B and I are able to spend time in person together one or two times a week; it's always amazing, deep, heartfelt communication with great sexual energy. We have crazy stuff in common and love enjoying those activities together. Every encounter deepens my connection with B. When we are together, B and I are present, connected, and totally on the same page. I'm okay with the level of in-person interactions. Both of us have kids, and our lives are busy. More would be nice, but it's doable as is.
The problem is the rest of the time.
When we are not together, we tend to chat online, email or text. We do this everyday, and almost every night. These interactions can be connective (and so wonderful!!) but are often get superficial by B, along the lines of: hope you've had a good day! etc, with no emotional engagement. He's busy, and tired, and less intense than I am.
While it's nice to check in, exchanging pleasantries drives me nuts because, for me, it dissipates intimacy. I'v talked to B about that; and we've tried various ideas to make it work; including, not checking in as frequently and making sure we're using a a full keyboard, rather than a phone. Those have worked on and off.
This weekend was so hard. Weekends are difficult for me because the unstructured time with N right now is challenging. I've told B this. B was off having a great time, hanging with A and J one night, A and the kids for two other nights. There was no meaningful interaction between B and me any of those days, though B thoughtfully sent me some photos and sent quick messages each of those days.
I'm jealous of the time B, A, J spend together - jealous like a kid not invited to a party. I know this is my problem and I am working on it, and it feels manageable.
But mostly, I am *so angry* about the lack of time and space for meaningful interaction. I feel cast aside and disregarded.
I don't think my response is reasonable, but I am angry and sad, and lonely, and looking for some perspective. Thanks.
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