Hello all...
I've been married ten years to my husband and was a poly-virgin until 2013 when I began a close friendship with a co-worker/mentor. My husband and I had kicked around the idea of polyamory for a number of years and had talked about opening our marriage for the better part of two years before we actually did so in the summer of 2013. Our relationship has always been based on an intellectual friendship and very respectful love, but we are complete opposites in the personality and communication departments, so we wondered what it would bring to open our relationship and allow an openness that lets our individual needs be more completely fulfilled.
I started a drastic career change about two years ago now and am currently pursuing a graduate degree in the medical field while working in a local ICU and shadowing doctors to gain experience. This career change led me to my current secondary relationship. I had been working in my unit for a few months and began shadowing a doctor acquaintance (Whom I'll refer to as M) in my unit who is just a few years older than me. I loved his personality immediately and found we had similar interests in research. Once I began shadowing, there was immediate chemistry and that quickly led to flirting. Amongst the flirting, a deep emotional bond began to form. I revealed my feelings to him in September after we'd spent much of the day together (as had become customary on a weekly basis if we met on his days off) and we were at his apartment. His place was close to one of the university campuses I took classes at so he offered for me to study there after we'd had coffee and lunch together nearby. He told me he was in an on/off relationship and I was all set to leave when he kissed me (for 10 minutes) and begged me to stay. I pulled myself together and left- determined not to be a part of infidelity if I could help it. Things were awkward for awhile. We went a couple of weeks without texting or speaking except in a professional capacity at work. I went through a rough patch and reached out to him and we had a few phone conversations and began texting again, but I had started dating in an attempt to move on. Since that time, I've been through a couple of relationships and am currently in a loose relationship with a friend (J) who is acquainted with the poly lifestyle and is at the point in his life he isn't really capable of settling down due to a demanding job. We see each other when time permits, but J knows all about my relationship with M and has been supportive of it, and of my relationship with my husband as well.
Almost two months ago, M and I really reconnected after a frank discussion of our friendship/relationship. We met in person outside of work for the first time in months and it was like old times. We ended up spending most of that day together. Since then we've seen each other a lot and we text nearly every day. We talk on the phone, we have deeper discussions now than ever before and talk about our relationships with one another. I can honestly say I love him- although I have not said those words to him yet, but he has expressed similar sentiments to me and calls me his closest friend. I don't know what to call us, but I consider him my emotional secondary relationship. His girlfriend will be moving in just a few months and he has already told me they will not be trying long-distance, so things will be over then between them...and I have a serious suspicion that he will be pursuing a more physical side to our relationship when that happens. He says she is aware of our friendship, and he understands my open relationship with my husband.
I am open with my husband about my relationship with M, and there has been no drama or jealousy. He knows I love M... but he also knows how much I love him. We have had our rough patches (due mostly to me coming to terms with being poly through all of this, and accepting my husband's relationship with a very nice poly woman). But we are sticking through this. Despite the rough patches, at this point, I feel more fulfilled emotionally and physically than I ever have. I had a date night with my Hub on Thursday and we've had a great weekend together so far... and most of Monday will be spent with M. I'll see J a week from today.
This is a new endeavor for me, but for now... it's working, and I'm trying to learn more about the ways that I can continue to improve my relationships, support my husband in his own endeavors, and live as openly as possible. Most of my work friends know I am in an open relationship with Hub, know about J, and are aware of my close friendship with M. Some judge a little, but most are pretty supportive, which is quite surprising considering where I live! I look forward to posting more here and getting input along the way.
I've been married ten years to my husband and was a poly-virgin until 2013 when I began a close friendship with a co-worker/mentor. My husband and I had kicked around the idea of polyamory for a number of years and had talked about opening our marriage for the better part of two years before we actually did so in the summer of 2013. Our relationship has always been based on an intellectual friendship and very respectful love, but we are complete opposites in the personality and communication departments, so we wondered what it would bring to open our relationship and allow an openness that lets our individual needs be more completely fulfilled.
I started a drastic career change about two years ago now and am currently pursuing a graduate degree in the medical field while working in a local ICU and shadowing doctors to gain experience. This career change led me to my current secondary relationship. I had been working in my unit for a few months and began shadowing a doctor acquaintance (Whom I'll refer to as M) in my unit who is just a few years older than me. I loved his personality immediately and found we had similar interests in research. Once I began shadowing, there was immediate chemistry and that quickly led to flirting. Amongst the flirting, a deep emotional bond began to form. I revealed my feelings to him in September after we'd spent much of the day together (as had become customary on a weekly basis if we met on his days off) and we were at his apartment. His place was close to one of the university campuses I took classes at so he offered for me to study there after we'd had coffee and lunch together nearby. He told me he was in an on/off relationship and I was all set to leave when he kissed me (for 10 minutes) and begged me to stay. I pulled myself together and left- determined not to be a part of infidelity if I could help it. Things were awkward for awhile. We went a couple of weeks without texting or speaking except in a professional capacity at work. I went through a rough patch and reached out to him and we had a few phone conversations and began texting again, but I had started dating in an attempt to move on. Since that time, I've been through a couple of relationships and am currently in a loose relationship with a friend (J) who is acquainted with the poly lifestyle and is at the point in his life he isn't really capable of settling down due to a demanding job. We see each other when time permits, but J knows all about my relationship with M and has been supportive of it, and of my relationship with my husband as well.
Almost two months ago, M and I really reconnected after a frank discussion of our friendship/relationship. We met in person outside of work for the first time in months and it was like old times. We ended up spending most of that day together. Since then we've seen each other a lot and we text nearly every day. We talk on the phone, we have deeper discussions now than ever before and talk about our relationships with one another. I can honestly say I love him- although I have not said those words to him yet, but he has expressed similar sentiments to me and calls me his closest friend. I don't know what to call us, but I consider him my emotional secondary relationship. His girlfriend will be moving in just a few months and he has already told me they will not be trying long-distance, so things will be over then between them...and I have a serious suspicion that he will be pursuing a more physical side to our relationship when that happens. He says she is aware of our friendship, and he understands my open relationship with my husband.
I am open with my husband about my relationship with M, and there has been no drama or jealousy. He knows I love M... but he also knows how much I love him. We have had our rough patches (due mostly to me coming to terms with being poly through all of this, and accepting my husband's relationship with a very nice poly woman). But we are sticking through this. Despite the rough patches, at this point, I feel more fulfilled emotionally and physically than I ever have. I had a date night with my Hub on Thursday and we've had a great weekend together so far... and most of Monday will be spent with M. I'll see J a week from today.
This is a new endeavor for me, but for now... it's working, and I'm trying to learn more about the ways that I can continue to improve my relationships, support my husband in his own endeavors, and live as openly as possible. Most of my work friends know I am in an open relationship with Hub, know about J, and are aware of my close friendship with M. Some judge a little, but most are pretty supportive, which is quite surprising considering where I live! I look forward to posting more here and getting input along the way.
