Not Sure I Really Want This

C

creates66

New member
I have been married 33 years. We have a great marriage and great sex, but still I have always desired other women. I have also been with several women outside my marriage. I feel I am somewhat kinky and I have enjoyed some play in the parks with some women. My wife knows about it all, and while it has been hard on her, she has grown to like it and seemed to come to terms with it.

It has been a few years now that I am committed only to my wife, but lately the urge has grown strong. It has been a good year where my sex drive has been pretty high. I have discussed a poly relationship with my wife and she has given me permission. What I desire is one girlfriend whom I can have a respectful relationship where we explore sexually.

My concern is it will distract me from what is really important. Is it time to put this part of me to rest? Will I find satisfaction in a relationship?
 
Only you can answer this.

Be mindful that trysts in the park are very different from relationships. Your wife may find relationships to be too much. Your concern is valid and 100% in your control. The question is, will you do the work to recognize that you are being distracted from those important things? Will you have the fortitude to put aside your feelings to take care of those important things, or will you let your feelings take the lead?

Right now you feel the urge to have a girlfriend...it's strong enough you are listening to your brain to consider it. If you go with your feelings, then no, you probably won't hold those important things as priority. But if you are capable of putting your feelings aside and use your brain, understanding that it will be difficult, your wife may have difficulty and may even put a stop to it when she realizes how hard it is, and you will have to work through hard emotions to keep your happy home and priorities, then yes. It's doable.

Remember, it's easy to date others. Your wife will be putting in all the work so you can have the fun, so to speak. You can make it easier on her by keeping NRE in check, moving at a pace she's comfortable with, and of course, having transparent two-way conversations along the way.

Also, it's been a few years since you've been with others. The comfort she had then doesn't translate to now. This is a change in the dynamic, so it might feel to her like it did the first time you went out. She will have to work through her discomfort phase again. This is just a normal response to change that activates fight or flight. The bad thing is she will have to go through it again. The good news is it does get better as "exposure" continues and your relationship stays strong.
 
I believe my ideas of polyamory may be filtered through my thoughts of sexuality and therefore, incorrect. Or are they? I shall give it time to ponder...
 
Greetings creates66,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

You could try monogamy for a while. See if you can adapt to it. If the urge to acquire a second partner continues to grow until it's filling up your mind, I guess you'll have your answer. In the meantime, yes, once you do have a second partner, you have to be very conscientious about taking care of both relationships. If you're thinking about it now, that's a hopeful sign that maybe you can do it. It's just that there's no way to know whether you can do it unless you try it.

Good luck in whatever you decide,
Kevin T., "official greeter" :)

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