PrettyDeadly7
New member
For background on my situation, here's my intro thread - http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=108194
Things are looking pretty positive for my husband R these days - he has a date, of sorts, scheduled with his new potential partner. It seems like they want to meet up and talk through what they both might want out of this relationship, which seems like a good thing to be doing.
It's a bit less positive on my end. I mentioned at the end of the other thread that I was going to talk to J about making plans to hang out again, but it turns out when he brought that up with S, and it was not a good time, due to some stress and uncertainty going on in her life (she was in the middle of interviewing for a new job at the time, and has at this point gotten the offer, and given notice at her old job). Not being able to make plans to spend time together has been a source of frustration for both J and for me, and we've both been kind of bitter about it. From his point of view, it's never a good time to talk about these things, because it's always one stressful situation that she's dealing with right after the other, and so on.
I'm considering the possibility of trying to talk to her about it again, and see if there was something that went wrong last time? Like, just to feel like I'm doing anything at all about this problem other than sitting and waiting for things to happen. I feel like I have to be very careful of how I act with him when she's around - I'm always afraid of doing or saying the wrong thing in front of her, that would upset her and set us further back from the goal of being able to see each other alone. As though there's some amount of "good behavior" on my part that will eventually be rewarded. It probably doesn't really work that way, does it?
On a separate note, there's another close friend of ours, that I've been trying to figure out whether we're just good friends, or if he has some level of romantic interest in me. Over the past year or so, in addition to talking more, things have gotten a bit physically affectionate between us - though still arguably just friendly and not overly sexual. A while back I brought up with R the idea that this friend (let's call him W) might be interested in me, and R seemed very uncomfortable with the idea. Ever since then, I've been trying to hold back a bit in my interactions with W, because I really don't want to end up in another situation where mutual interest is foiled by a primary SO's disapproval due to their close friendship with the party in question. I'm wondering now though if it would necessarily turn out the same way, or if I'm just basing my impressions of a possible outcome on my other complicated situation. Should I continue to try to avoid letting myself be interested in this person, or just go along with things and see how it all turns out? Maybe I'm misreading the situation and he's not really interested anyway...
Things are looking pretty positive for my husband R these days - he has a date, of sorts, scheduled with his new potential partner. It seems like they want to meet up and talk through what they both might want out of this relationship, which seems like a good thing to be doing.
It's a bit less positive on my end. I mentioned at the end of the other thread that I was going to talk to J about making plans to hang out again, but it turns out when he brought that up with S, and it was not a good time, due to some stress and uncertainty going on in her life (she was in the middle of interviewing for a new job at the time, and has at this point gotten the offer, and given notice at her old job). Not being able to make plans to spend time together has been a source of frustration for both J and for me, and we've both been kind of bitter about it. From his point of view, it's never a good time to talk about these things, because it's always one stressful situation that she's dealing with right after the other, and so on.
I'm considering the possibility of trying to talk to her about it again, and see if there was something that went wrong last time? Like, just to feel like I'm doing anything at all about this problem other than sitting and waiting for things to happen. I feel like I have to be very careful of how I act with him when she's around - I'm always afraid of doing or saying the wrong thing in front of her, that would upset her and set us further back from the goal of being able to see each other alone. As though there's some amount of "good behavior" on my part that will eventually be rewarded. It probably doesn't really work that way, does it?
On a separate note, there's another close friend of ours, that I've been trying to figure out whether we're just good friends, or if he has some level of romantic interest in me. Over the past year or so, in addition to talking more, things have gotten a bit physically affectionate between us - though still arguably just friendly and not overly sexual. A while back I brought up with R the idea that this friend (let's call him W) might be interested in me, and R seemed very uncomfortable with the idea. Ever since then, I've been trying to hold back a bit in my interactions with W, because I really don't want to end up in another situation where mutual interest is foiled by a primary SO's disapproval due to their close friendship with the party in question. I'm wondering now though if it would necessarily turn out the same way, or if I'm just basing my impressions of a possible outcome on my other complicated situation. Should I continue to try to avoid letting myself be interested in this person, or just go along with things and see how it all turns out? Maybe I'm misreading the situation and he's not really interested anyway...
