Openly poly?

Rennabear

Rennabear

New member
I was wondering how many people are openly poly? My boyfriend and girl friend are very open about our relationship to people. Due to bad experiences with the way people take it I am the one that is less likely to reveal that part of our relationship. However I am having a home birth and I'm about 5 months along and just as a spur of the moment thing ended up moving in with them. I was wondering how I should go about telling my mid wife? Or if it's something I should even bother with? We aren't trying to hide our relationship and I assume that coming over to the house you'd be able to tell what that situation is but still after bad experiences I'm very shy about this. What would you all do?
 
I'm out to my parents, most of the people I would call friends, and obviously to my kids and Hubby. I'm also out to my primary care doctor and some of the other medical professionals in his practice, since my PC isn't always the one I see there, and to my counselor and psychiatrist.

Telling the professionals was easy enough. "I'm polyamorous; I have a boyfriend and my husband knows, and everyone's cool with it." (I had a boyfriend at the time when I told most of them.) Telling my friends wasn't too hard either, because most of them are either on dating sites where it isn't uncommon for someone to be married and seeking other partners, either romantic or sexual, and the ones who aren't on those sites have known me for a decade at least and are very open-minded in general.

I admit sometimes I come out for the shock value, depending on what I think of the other person or how much I want to see how far they'll stretch their open-mindedness. I have a difficult relationship with my mother, so coming out to her was partly because I knew she would squirm mentally trying to figure out what to say so she could feel like she was being supportive. Coming out to my PC and a couple of the people in his practice was a case of "They're pretty accepting, but I wonder what they would think if they knew this." (One of them said, "Oh, cool, I have friends who are poly.") I also came out to the pastor at my mother-in-law's church, which my kids also attend, to see how far the church's "open and accepting" policy extended. His response, after thinking it over, was "Well, there's definitely a lot of polygamy in the Bible, so I guess in some ways the Bible supports polyamory, and you're very welcome here."

Coming out can be scary, especially if you've had negative experiences, and it's entirely your choice whether to do so. In your case with the midwife, I would definitely tell her the truth, because it's something that might impact the pregnancy and birth, and as you say, she'll probably figure it out anyway. Better she hear it from you than just speculate.
 
Rennabear said:
after bad experiences I'm very shy about this. What would you all do?
Click to expand...

Before all else, I would make it my prime intention to know that the attitude I have is greatly influential in how I'm received by others. Past experiences, however unpleasant, never dictate future experiences unless we're anticipating more and more bad experiences. We're never at the mercy of others' perceptions of us unless we decide to be. The more solid and OK you are about your relationships, the more solid and OK you will perceive that other people are about your relationships. It doesn't matter if they are or aren't. What matters is your experience. Focus on you being OK and at peace about your relationships and you will see that peace reflected in your experiences with others. The particulars are just noise and frustrations.

That's what I would do.
 
I'm Openly Everything...

I've been openly gay since I was 14, openly atheist since I was 21, and openly poly since I was 21 as well. I'm the type of person who doesn't hide. What you see is what you get, and screw anyone who has a problem with it.

BUT-- I am also a liberal political writer/editor for a living. So, there's that. I don't have to worry about losing my job or anything of that nature over this.

I'd say keep it under your hat if you fear severe life consequences that you would rather not have to deal with.
 
I very much doubt that I would loose my job over being open. But my boys are reluctant. In boyfriend's country, it could be potentionally dangerous to be open. After two years, the secrecy has starting to wear on all of us. We are still not sure how to do things.
 
To people that know us yes, took my sister by surprise, but then I have always been a rebel. it is fun in a store. Had some dirty looks by women when I had two women all over me... their husbands on the other hand....
 
I just live my life out in the open.

Unless someone is paying my bills they can keep their opinions to themselves.
 
I am completely open and out. No hiding here. We are definitely out to medical professionals as well, as I have been to doctor appointments with both of my husbands. I am just matter-of-fact about it and don't act as if it is something that I think others will judge me for - this is me and I make no apologies. I don't have to and I never will.
 
Thank you for everyone who posted! My family has basically disowned me for being poly so it's very hard for me to come out to people I guess. I don't think I've actually had a decent reaction yet
 
Not everyone is thrilled with my choices either. I figure it's ok for them to judge me, but I don't allow them to pass judgment on me. They don't get to be that sanctimonious. I'm doing what I feel is best for me. If they disagree and don't like it - that's on them. I have lost relationships with friends and members of my family as well. My extended family is highly conservative and Catholic. Like, women have to be covered and the mass is in Latin type of Catholic.

It's awfully sad that people want to only know the fictional me - who they believe I am and want me to be. Not the true me. I am not angry at my family, just disappointed that the real them are such jerkfaces.
 
Now that I've come out to my parents, I'm pretty much open everywhere that I feel people have any business knowing about my relationships. Which means I'm basically out everywhere but work and Facebook. ... I don't even have my marital status on Facebook, and I like to refer to people by names there, not relationships.

I've been openly bisexual and atheist since my early 20s, so I've pretty much shocked and appalled everyone who's going to be shocked or appalled.
 
Hi Rennabear,

I'm very sorry to hear how your family treated you for being poly. For the most part, the only people who know about my poly-ness are other poly's.

Don't give up; you will find people who will accept you for who you are.
Sincerely,
Kevin T.
 
For me it depends on which "world" I'm in. I'm open as poly when I'm hanging out in the LGBT community (ie at the gay bars). For the rest of life it varies. Some friends know. Some suspect. Our current rule is "if they've noticed and have the balls to ask, they get the truth." I have my suspicions that some think we are having an affair, and some are just clueless and accept the snuggly best friends image we present.
My family doesn't know. They also aren't local and are fairly irrelevant. They already had to come to terms with me being gay. Don't know if this would be any worse.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top