Hence I don't see that with the coming age, with the new maturity that man is attaining, MARRIAGE CAN EXIST ANYMORE IN THE SAME OLD WAY. It has to become more fluid; that means it can no more be an institution. People will live together -- they need each other... Men and women are halves of one whole; their need is intrinsic. Together they become one whole, together they are complementary to each other. But they will live together only because of love, not because of any law. AND THEY WILL LIVE TOGETHER OUT OF FREEDOM, NOT OUT OF BONDAGE.
And with the disappearance of the institution of marriage, THE WHOLE STRUCTURE OF SOCIETY WILL CHANGE -- it cannot change otherwise -- because once marriage disappears many things will disappear automatically. THE FAMILY WILL NOT BE THE SAME ANYMORE; the family will be replaced by communes -- that is inevitable. And children will not belong to persons but to the commune. Hence they will not be much of a problem -- because children have been a big problem: WHAT TO DO WITH THE CHILDREN WHEN PEOPLE SEPARATE? The children are left in a limbo; something has to be done about the children. And marriage has persisted for the simple reason that children have to be protected, they have to be helped; they are helpless. And it is your responsibility.
LOVE BECOMES DUTY, RESPONSIBILITY. And the moment it is duty and responsibility it loses all poetry, it becomes pure calculation. Then it is a compromise, then you have somehow to pull it, then you start dragging your life.A GREAT REVOLUTION IS ON THE WAY, and with the disappearance of marriage that revolution will become possible. Once children no more belong to persons, they will have more generosity, they will be more human. They will not be Hindus and Mohammedans and Christians -- because they will not belong to certain parents and they will not be conditioned by the parents; they will belong to the commune. And once children belong to the commune they will have a larger experience of people. One child may come in contact with many women as mothers, aunts; with many men as fathers, as uncles; with many children as brothers, sisters.
RIGHT NOW THE EXPERIENCE OF THE CHILD IS VERY LIMITED. Each child is brought up by a certain woman. The impact of that woman remains hanging on the child's consciousness for his whole life; it becomes an imprint. And he is always searching for the same woman: in every woman he falls in love with, HE IS REALLY LOOKING FOR HIS MOTHER, whom he cannot find. Where can he find his mother? There are no two persons alike. He will never find his mother anywhere, but he is looking for his mother in every wife, in every beloved. And the same is the case with the woman: SHE IS LOOKING FOR THE FATHER IN EVERY HUSBAND, IN EVERY LOVER. And they cannot find them, but that is their IDEA.
THE WOMAN'S IDEA OF A MAN is nothing but her idea of the father, and the man's idea of a woman is nothing but his idea of the mother. They will never find them. Hence there will be frustration, hence there will always be despair, misery, failure, anguish.
IF A CHILD IS BROUGHT UP BY MANY WOMEN IN THE COMMUNE and comes in contact with many men and many women he will not have a certain idea, he will have a more vague vision. He will not have a certainty how a man should be or a woman should be. His idea of a woman will contain many pictures. AND THEN THERE WILL BE MORE POSSIBILITY OF FINDING A WOMAN WHO CAN FULFILL HIM or a man with whom life can be a contentment -- because one of the greatest miseries is that you are looking for someone you cannot find. Hence everybody will seem to be falling short; nothing will ever satisfy you.
And because you will not be confined to one family, YOU WILL NOT CARRY THE ROTTEN HERITAGE OF THE FAMILY. Otherwise the Hindu parents will make the child Hindu, and a Hindu child is bound to be against the Mohammedans, against the Christians, against everybody else. And so is the case with the Jews and with the Christians and the Mohammedans. If the child moves with many people in a commune and feels attuned with the whole commune....
NOW, THIS CHILD WILL BE A TOTALLY DIFFERENT CHILD! He has lived with Jews and with Christians and with Hindus. He will not be conditioned by anything, he will not have any conditioning. He will have a vast territory of being available to him.
THAT'S MY IDEA HOW ALL CHILDREN SHOULD GROW. Then there will be no ugly religious conflicts, wars, bloodshed; no ugly fanaticism, no fascist ideologies in the world. These are all byproducts of the family, and the family depends on marriage. In fact, if the family disappears, nations will have to disappear, religions will disappear, states will disappear, churches will disappear. That's why nations, churches, everybody is in favor of marriage AND THEY ALL GO ON PRAISING MARRIAGE AS IF IT IS SOMETHING HOLY, SOMETHING DIVINE. It is the ugliest thing on the earth! And they go on telling people that, "Without marriage, where will children get love?" They will get more love; nobody is going to prevent their parents from loving them, but they will be available to others, too. They will not be dependent, they will start learning independence. From the very beginning, they will have a certain new feel of freedom. And that's what is needed.
If two people want to live together, they don't need any permission from any priest or any government. They need the permission of their hearts. And the day they feel that the time has come to part, again they don't need anybody's permission. They can part as friends, with beautiful memories of their loving days. Love should be the only way for men and women to live together. No other ritual is needed.”
The obvious question would be, ‘ What about the children? Who will look after them?’
Osho goes a step further and says, “The only problem in the past was what would happen to the children; that was the argument for marriage. There are other alternatives, far better. Children should be accepted not as their parents' property -- they belong to the whole humanity. From the very beginning it should be made clear to them: "The whole humanity is going to protect you, is your shelter. We may be together -- we will look after you. We may not be together; still we look after you. You are our blood, our bones, our souls."
“In fact, this possession by the parents of the children is one of the most dangerous things that humanity goes on carrying. This is the root of the idea of possessiveness. You should not possess your children. You can love them, you can bless them, but you cannot possess. They belong to the whole humanity. They come from beyond; you have been just a passage. Don't think more than that about yourself. Whatever you can do, do.
Every commune, every village should take care of the children. Once the commune starts taking care of the children, marriage becomes absolutely obsolete. And marriage is destroying your basic right to love.”
“If man's love is free, there will not be blacks and whites, and there will not be these ugly discriminations, because love knows no boundaries. You can fall in love with a black man, you can fall in love with a white man. Love knows no religious scriptures. It knows only the heartbeat, and it knows it with absolute certainty. Once love is free, it will prepare the ground for other fundamental rights.”
Sermons in Stones Osho
And with the disappearance of the institution of marriage, THE WHOLE STRUCTURE OF SOCIETY WILL CHANGE -- it cannot change otherwise -- because once marriage disappears many things will disappear automatically. THE FAMILY WILL NOT BE THE SAME ANYMORE; the family will be replaced by communes -- that is inevitable. And children will not belong to persons but to the commune. Hence they will not be much of a problem -- because children have been a big problem: WHAT TO DO WITH THE CHILDREN WHEN PEOPLE SEPARATE? The children are left in a limbo; something has to be done about the children. And marriage has persisted for the simple reason that children have to be protected, they have to be helped; they are helpless. And it is your responsibility.
LOVE BECOMES DUTY, RESPONSIBILITY. And the moment it is duty and responsibility it loses all poetry, it becomes pure calculation. Then it is a compromise, then you have somehow to pull it, then you start dragging your life.A GREAT REVOLUTION IS ON THE WAY, and with the disappearance of marriage that revolution will become possible. Once children no more belong to persons, they will have more generosity, they will be more human. They will not be Hindus and Mohammedans and Christians -- because they will not belong to certain parents and they will not be conditioned by the parents; they will belong to the commune. And once children belong to the commune they will have a larger experience of people. One child may come in contact with many women as mothers, aunts; with many men as fathers, as uncles; with many children as brothers, sisters.
RIGHT NOW THE EXPERIENCE OF THE CHILD IS VERY LIMITED. Each child is brought up by a certain woman. The impact of that woman remains hanging on the child's consciousness for his whole life; it becomes an imprint. And he is always searching for the same woman: in every woman he falls in love with, HE IS REALLY LOOKING FOR HIS MOTHER, whom he cannot find. Where can he find his mother? There are no two persons alike. He will never find his mother anywhere, but he is looking for his mother in every wife, in every beloved. And the same is the case with the woman: SHE IS LOOKING FOR THE FATHER IN EVERY HUSBAND, IN EVERY LOVER. And they cannot find them, but that is their IDEA.
THE WOMAN'S IDEA OF A MAN is nothing but her idea of the father, and the man's idea of a woman is nothing but his idea of the mother. They will never find them. Hence there will be frustration, hence there will always be despair, misery, failure, anguish.
IF A CHILD IS BROUGHT UP BY MANY WOMEN IN THE COMMUNE and comes in contact with many men and many women he will not have a certain idea, he will have a more vague vision. He will not have a certainty how a man should be or a woman should be. His idea of a woman will contain many pictures. AND THEN THERE WILL BE MORE POSSIBILITY OF FINDING A WOMAN WHO CAN FULFILL HIM or a man with whom life can be a contentment -- because one of the greatest miseries is that you are looking for someone you cannot find. Hence everybody will seem to be falling short; nothing will ever satisfy you.
And because you will not be confined to one family, YOU WILL NOT CARRY THE ROTTEN HERITAGE OF THE FAMILY. Otherwise the Hindu parents will make the child Hindu, and a Hindu child is bound to be against the Mohammedans, against the Christians, against everybody else. And so is the case with the Jews and with the Christians and the Mohammedans. If the child moves with many people in a commune and feels attuned with the whole commune....
NOW, THIS CHILD WILL BE A TOTALLY DIFFERENT CHILD! He has lived with Jews and with Christians and with Hindus. He will not be conditioned by anything, he will not have any conditioning. He will have a vast territory of being available to him.
THAT'S MY IDEA HOW ALL CHILDREN SHOULD GROW. Then there will be no ugly religious conflicts, wars, bloodshed; no ugly fanaticism, no fascist ideologies in the world. These are all byproducts of the family, and the family depends on marriage. In fact, if the family disappears, nations will have to disappear, religions will disappear, states will disappear, churches will disappear. That's why nations, churches, everybody is in favor of marriage AND THEY ALL GO ON PRAISING MARRIAGE AS IF IT IS SOMETHING HOLY, SOMETHING DIVINE. It is the ugliest thing on the earth! And they go on telling people that, "Without marriage, where will children get love?" They will get more love; nobody is going to prevent their parents from loving them, but they will be available to others, too. They will not be dependent, they will start learning independence. From the very beginning, they will have a certain new feel of freedom. And that's what is needed.
If two people want to live together, they don't need any permission from any priest or any government. They need the permission of their hearts. And the day they feel that the time has come to part, again they don't need anybody's permission. They can part as friends, with beautiful memories of their loving days. Love should be the only way for men and women to live together. No other ritual is needed.”
The obvious question would be, ‘ What about the children? Who will look after them?’
Osho goes a step further and says, “The only problem in the past was what would happen to the children; that was the argument for marriage. There are other alternatives, far better. Children should be accepted not as their parents' property -- they belong to the whole humanity. From the very beginning it should be made clear to them: "The whole humanity is going to protect you, is your shelter. We may be together -- we will look after you. We may not be together; still we look after you. You are our blood, our bones, our souls."
“In fact, this possession by the parents of the children is one of the most dangerous things that humanity goes on carrying. This is the root of the idea of possessiveness. You should not possess your children. You can love them, you can bless them, but you cannot possess. They belong to the whole humanity. They come from beyond; you have been just a passage. Don't think more than that about yourself. Whatever you can do, do.
Every commune, every village should take care of the children. Once the commune starts taking care of the children, marriage becomes absolutely obsolete. And marriage is destroying your basic right to love.”
“If man's love is free, there will not be blacks and whites, and there will not be these ugly discriminations, because love knows no boundaries. You can fall in love with a black man, you can fall in love with a white man. Love knows no religious scriptures. It knows only the heartbeat, and it knows it with absolute certainty. Once love is free, it will prepare the ground for other fundamental rights.”
Sermons in Stones Osho
