Morning all
I am a 28 year old female with bisexual tendencies (if I could use that word
)
I had put a small introduction previously but did not write much as I was not sure where to start. Over the last almost 2 months I have been reading various poly related books and talking with my husband (36 yrs old) who I have been with for 6 years (married for 1.5 years). I came out to him about my interest in polyamory and he seemed alright but with further discussions it was obvious he is not comfortable with me being with another man (another woman yes he is fine).
I will try to put this in some type of chronological order.
I have only encountered one actually polyamorous person in my time on this earth and that was back when I was 19. I would say they were in a quad sort of relationship and I thought it was interesting but was worried about the child that was in the home. But to each their own I thought.
I haven’t dated many people but during my first actual relationship (19 years of age) I was seeing a man primarily over long distance communication and he knew of my desires for another person sexually and emotionally and was aware of my involvement with this other person. and I knew he too was an open minded person about these sorts of relationships. I then ended that relationship with both due to moving and other things and was just seeing other people in a more casual sense. I then met my husband and we have been together and in love. We have throughout our time together been with other people in the forms of threesomes and swinging with other couples. I guess you could say that was due to me - or so he reminds me of occasionally. I always felt it was pleasurable and interesting to get to know other people and have these physical experiences.
Now here I am wanting more in terms of relationships. I started to read up on polyamory exactly and thought perhaps I have always felt a form of non-monogamy is more my style. I belief in communicating and being honest and have told my husband this. My husband is leery because he is concerned he will be jealous and I have been sending him information about polyamory and how to cope with jealousy as it will come up.
The beginning of March I joined a local poly group online and have been communicating more there to find out some information. I have also been reading all your lovely posts and appreciate the insight you all share.
This past week I was approached by a male over the group and we talked and it seemed to go well and he was patient in terms of my explaining that my husband is aware that him and I are talking but he is not sure he wants me to meet him alone or have any intimate relations with him. This male told me that he would like to meet my husband and explain his reasons for polyamory (he is older than both my husband and I and has even lived in a quad relationship in the past). So he came over and we all talked and it seemed to go well. But the next day this man asked to see me before he left that evening for out of the country on a trip and so I told my husband but my husband became quite upset and read our message and felt this man was trying to pressure me to meet alone. I do not see it this way but I told my husband that if that is how he feels then I will not communicate any more with him. And thus ended that.
I must add that over the last couple weeks I also told my husband that he should consider himself finding a lady to befriend and see where it goes as he seems interested but notes he does not know if he could do it as he will have guilt about being with another woman. I told him that it makes me happy knowing he is communicating with another person and building some connections/relationship with this person (emotionally - and sexually... of course) So the other day we both signed up for an online dating site in hopes of meeting people.
So here I am this snowy Sunday morning…
I have been talking to some potentials and my husband has also connected with a female who he seems to have lots of interests and he seems quite pleased with. I am excited for him and for this girl and for our relationship. I have noticed that since we started talking about all this stuff I have been way more passionate and close to him (my first question: IS THIS NORMAL TO FEEL THIS WAY TOWARDS HIM AFTER HAVING ENGAGED WITH CONVERSATIONS WITH OTHERS?)
another question I have is:
DOES THE PRIMARY PARTNER (MY HUSBAND) NEED TO MEET/BEFRIEND THE 2ND PARTNER? (I want to hear your own opinions/experiences with this as my husband first said he wants us to both meet each others partners first but I told him I did not feel I needed to meet each girl he talks with because what if after the first meeting he does not feel their relationship will go anywhere… I still feel he is stuck in the swingers mindset of we are a couple and do things together - I am trying so hard to explain to him that this is his own and that at the end of the day though he comes back home to me and his daughter and we are still a family that loves each other).
The first time I had started writing this (not so) little blurb my husband was against the idea of me being with a man on my own (outside of a threesome) but now I feel he is getting more comfortable with it all. I just hope everything runs smoothly from here on out.
Thanks for your patience and understanding - I know this is long and perhaps I should keep this open in another section so that I can just keep people updated - sort of like my own little mindspace
sei tu
I am a 28 year old female with bisexual tendencies (if I could use that word
)I had put a small introduction previously but did not write much as I was not sure where to start. Over the last almost 2 months I have been reading various poly related books and talking with my husband (36 yrs old) who I have been with for 6 years (married for 1.5 years). I came out to him about my interest in polyamory and he seemed alright but with further discussions it was obvious he is not comfortable with me being with another man (another woman yes he is fine).
I will try to put this in some type of chronological order.
I have only encountered one actually polyamorous person in my time on this earth and that was back when I was 19. I would say they were in a quad sort of relationship and I thought it was interesting but was worried about the child that was in the home. But to each their own I thought.
I haven’t dated many people but during my first actual relationship (19 years of age) I was seeing a man primarily over long distance communication and he knew of my desires for another person sexually and emotionally and was aware of my involvement with this other person. and I knew he too was an open minded person about these sorts of relationships. I then ended that relationship with both due to moving and other things and was just seeing other people in a more casual sense. I then met my husband and we have been together and in love. We have throughout our time together been with other people in the forms of threesomes and swinging with other couples. I guess you could say that was due to me - or so he reminds me of occasionally. I always felt it was pleasurable and interesting to get to know other people and have these physical experiences.
Now here I am wanting more in terms of relationships. I started to read up on polyamory exactly and thought perhaps I have always felt a form of non-monogamy is more my style. I belief in communicating and being honest and have told my husband this. My husband is leery because he is concerned he will be jealous and I have been sending him information about polyamory and how to cope with jealousy as it will come up.
The beginning of March I joined a local poly group online and have been communicating more there to find out some information. I have also been reading all your lovely posts and appreciate the insight you all share.
This past week I was approached by a male over the group and we talked and it seemed to go well and he was patient in terms of my explaining that my husband is aware that him and I are talking but he is not sure he wants me to meet him alone or have any intimate relations with him. This male told me that he would like to meet my husband and explain his reasons for polyamory (he is older than both my husband and I and has even lived in a quad relationship in the past). So he came over and we all talked and it seemed to go well. But the next day this man asked to see me before he left that evening for out of the country on a trip and so I told my husband but my husband became quite upset and read our message and felt this man was trying to pressure me to meet alone. I do not see it this way but I told my husband that if that is how he feels then I will not communicate any more with him. And thus ended that.
I must add that over the last couple weeks I also told my husband that he should consider himself finding a lady to befriend and see where it goes as he seems interested but notes he does not know if he could do it as he will have guilt about being with another woman. I told him that it makes me happy knowing he is communicating with another person and building some connections/relationship with this person (emotionally - and sexually... of course
) So the other day we both signed up for an online dating site in hopes of meeting people. So here I am this snowy Sunday morning…
I have been talking to some potentials and my husband has also connected with a female who he seems to have lots of interests and he seems quite pleased with. I am excited for him and for this girl and for our relationship. I have noticed that since we started talking about all this stuff I have been way more passionate and close to him (my first question: IS THIS NORMAL TO FEEL THIS WAY TOWARDS HIM AFTER HAVING ENGAGED WITH CONVERSATIONS WITH OTHERS?)
another question I have is:
DOES THE PRIMARY PARTNER (MY HUSBAND) NEED TO MEET/BEFRIEND THE 2ND PARTNER? (I want to hear your own opinions/experiences with this as my husband first said he wants us to both meet each others partners first but I told him I did not feel I needed to meet each girl he talks with because what if after the first meeting he does not feel their relationship will go anywhere… I still feel he is stuck in the swingers mindset of we are a couple and do things together - I am trying so hard to explain to him that this is his own and that at the end of the day though he comes back home to me and his daughter and we are still a family that loves each other).
The first time I had started writing this (not so) little blurb my husband was against the idea of me being with a man on my own (outside of a threesome) but now I feel he is getting more comfortable with it all. I just hope everything runs smoothly from here on out.
Thanks for your patience and understanding - I know this is long and perhaps I should keep this open in another section so that I can just keep people updated - sort of like my own little mindspace
sei tu
