So, my wife (Crystal) and I have been poly for less than a year now, and dealt with our fair share of drama and weirdness. But here is a little blog about our time. This will be rambly, so deal with it.
So in August last year, we decided to open our marriage up and try becoming poly, we both have had a history of strong emotional attachments to people who weren't each other and falling in love with them. We never once cheated, or gave each other the option to.
My wife and I both met some people online. She met Flash, and they hit it off pretty well. He had lots of baggage and proved quite a challenge for her as she was so used to me, and how open I am with things. Even when we weren't poly, I would tell her when I was attracted to a coworker, friend, etc and express my feelings about them to her, I am always very open and honest. He was not, he was withdrawn, difficult to read, etc. Their sex life began nearly immediately, which was a bit awkward for me, but I handled it well. I always told her when I was jealous, or upset, or something bothered me even a little.
Shortly after I met Renee. She was a bit of a fireball. Very drama in retrospect. I loved that about her though. Her baggage was insane, she was in the process of getting divorced. She brought a lot of drama into my marriage, Crystal had a really hard time with her. She shut down and withdrew from me. I didn't recognize it though, I was completely wrapped up in Renee. Around Christmas things exploded into a huge mess, Crystal Veto'd Renee. A did not handle this well, but accepted it. Crystal didn't handle it well either. She hated herself for what she did. Eventually she told me to talk to Renee, and we all sat down, discussed and tried to fix. I dated Renee again briefly before realizing I couldn't handle her. We tried staying friends, but she eventually just stopped talking to me in February.
In January, Crystal and Flash had major issues, Crystal was constantly hurting. So I felt to protect her I had to Veto him, it was bad. I eventually wound up rescinding this as it was just as bad if not worse. They got back together briefly, then broke up. She started seeing Shorty, who was already married and Poly with his wife Donna. Shorty is a very quiet and doesn't really speak to anyone. Crystal and Shorty didn't last too long (the breakup was mutual and everyone still gets along ok), and I became friends with his wife Donna.
As things were winding down with Renee, I started being more social with some of my old friends and regularly hanging out with Cath as well as Shorty's wife Donna. When I told Cath about the poly thing she thought I was entirely crazy, and could never do such a thing as she is way too jealous. To be fair, I only told her as she was a friend and we haven't been hiding it from our friends. I was kinda interested in seeing Donna, but she is a Sub and I am not really Dom at all. But some feelings developed for her regardless, but they stayed pretty mellow. At the same time Cath and I started becoming closer. So I asked her out in a "dating" way. She had to think about it, a LOT. But eventually she decided to give it a whirl, this was March. We've been seeing each other ever since.
After Crystal broke up with Shorty, Flash got a hold of her again. They started hanging out as friends, but I was pretty adamant they shouldn't date. Eventually things nurtured again though, I caved and they began dating again. His attitudes and everything were soo much better this time around, and she has been overall very happy with him. So I am glad I agreed to let them see each other again.
Now Cath has had some issues, but thankfully was already friends with Crystal. So that has helped. She's been very good with her, and not acting competitive. She does struggle with her jealousy feelings though, very specifically towards Donna, whom I don't date, but we are very close (we snuggle, light kisses, no sexual contact). It's hard to reassure her though as Cath does have rather low self image as her previous BF's treated her like shit. I always give Cath priority though, and have cancelled with Donna before to spend time with her as Cath's schedule is very hectic. And Donna is very cool with me cancelling on her to spend time with Cath when it happens. So as time has progressed Cath has become more and more involved, though she has stayed Mono with me. She apparently has no interest in seeing anyone else, which I support as she is permitted to do what she wants (I only ask disclosure, not permission, though I do reserve the right to have an opinion she should consider). Cath has made amazing strides in her jealousy issues, and it has never overflowed into my marriage negatively. She isn't very open with her feelings though, and I've done what I can to make sure she knows her feelings are safe with me.
This weekend we finally managed to all get together for the local Medieval Faire, it was the first time our metamours ever met. Which was hilariously weird as they are both kinda closed off at first. So both thought the other didn't like them much. But they just need time. It was also the first time Cath met Donna. Which was silently awkward and thankfully brief. Overall it was really nice though, we all had a good time.
And now we are at the present, I know I left out tons of stuff, but man, it's been a crazy ride.
So in August last year, we decided to open our marriage up and try becoming poly, we both have had a history of strong emotional attachments to people who weren't each other and falling in love with them. We never once cheated, or gave each other the option to.
My wife and I both met some people online. She met Flash, and they hit it off pretty well. He had lots of baggage and proved quite a challenge for her as she was so used to me, and how open I am with things. Even when we weren't poly, I would tell her when I was attracted to a coworker, friend, etc and express my feelings about them to her, I am always very open and honest. He was not, he was withdrawn, difficult to read, etc. Their sex life began nearly immediately, which was a bit awkward for me, but I handled it well. I always told her when I was jealous, or upset, or something bothered me even a little.
Shortly after I met Renee. She was a bit of a fireball. Very drama in retrospect. I loved that about her though. Her baggage was insane, she was in the process of getting divorced. She brought a lot of drama into my marriage, Crystal had a really hard time with her. She shut down and withdrew from me. I didn't recognize it though, I was completely wrapped up in Renee. Around Christmas things exploded into a huge mess, Crystal Veto'd Renee. A did not handle this well, but accepted it. Crystal didn't handle it well either. She hated herself for what she did. Eventually she told me to talk to Renee, and we all sat down, discussed and tried to fix. I dated Renee again briefly before realizing I couldn't handle her. We tried staying friends, but she eventually just stopped talking to me in February.
In January, Crystal and Flash had major issues, Crystal was constantly hurting. So I felt to protect her I had to Veto him, it was bad. I eventually wound up rescinding this as it was just as bad if not worse. They got back together briefly, then broke up. She started seeing Shorty, who was already married and Poly with his wife Donna. Shorty is a very quiet and doesn't really speak to anyone. Crystal and Shorty didn't last too long (the breakup was mutual and everyone still gets along ok), and I became friends with his wife Donna.
As things were winding down with Renee, I started being more social with some of my old friends and regularly hanging out with Cath as well as Shorty's wife Donna. When I told Cath about the poly thing she thought I was entirely crazy, and could never do such a thing as she is way too jealous. To be fair, I only told her as she was a friend and we haven't been hiding it from our friends. I was kinda interested in seeing Donna, but she is a Sub and I am not really Dom at all. But some feelings developed for her regardless, but they stayed pretty mellow. At the same time Cath and I started becoming closer. So I asked her out in a "dating" way. She had to think about it, a LOT. But eventually she decided to give it a whirl, this was March. We've been seeing each other ever since.
After Crystal broke up with Shorty, Flash got a hold of her again. They started hanging out as friends, but I was pretty adamant they shouldn't date. Eventually things nurtured again though, I caved and they began dating again. His attitudes and everything were soo much better this time around, and she has been overall very happy with him. So I am glad I agreed to let them see each other again.
Now Cath has had some issues, but thankfully was already friends with Crystal. So that has helped. She's been very good with her, and not acting competitive. She does struggle with her jealousy feelings though, very specifically towards Donna, whom I don't date, but we are very close (we snuggle, light kisses, no sexual contact). It's hard to reassure her though as Cath does have rather low self image as her previous BF's treated her like shit. I always give Cath priority though, and have cancelled with Donna before to spend time with her as Cath's schedule is very hectic. And Donna is very cool with me cancelling on her to spend time with Cath when it happens. So as time has progressed Cath has become more and more involved, though she has stayed Mono with me. She apparently has no interest in seeing anyone else, which I support as she is permitted to do what she wants (I only ask disclosure, not permission, though I do reserve the right to have an opinion she should consider). Cath has made amazing strides in her jealousy issues, and it has never overflowed into my marriage negatively. She isn't very open with her feelings though, and I've done what I can to make sure she knows her feelings are safe with me.
This weekend we finally managed to all get together for the local Medieval Faire, it was the first time our metamours ever met. Which was hilariously weird as they are both kinda closed off at first. So both thought the other didn't like them much. But they just need time. It was also the first time Cath met Donna. Which was silently awkward and thankfully brief. Overall it was really nice though, we all had a good time.
And now we are at the present, I know I left out tons of stuff, but man, it's been a crazy ride.
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Thankfully I've dealt with that sort of behavior in the past. So recognize when it's going to be problematic.