XTremeMeow
Member
I hear what you’re saying, and I actually agree with you on one important point: competition often feels stressful, painful, or unwanted in poly dynamics. A lot of people experience it that way, and it’s completely valid. I’ve felt that too, and I wouldn’t call that kind of competition pleasant either.
What I was trying to point to is something a bit more specific, that for some women, a competitive dynamic with a metamour isn’t just something that “happens,” but something they actively enjoy when it’s consensual and aligned with their sense of self. It’s definitely not universal, and I wouldn’t say it’s the norm, but it’s also not as rare as it might seem.
I’ve spoken with multiple women who describe this kind of dynamic as empowering rather than threatening. For them, it’s tied to confidence, self-assurance, and a sense of personal strength. It’s less about insecurity and more about enjoying desire, comparison, and tension in a playful or erotic way. Some frame it in terms of power dynamics, not ownership in a literal sense, but the feeling of being chosen, desired, or able to “hold their own” in the presence of another woman.
I think the key difference is whether the competition is unconscious and fear-driven, or conscious and desired. When it’s the first, it can be really painful. When it’s the second, it can feel affirming, exciting, or even bonding in a strange way. Neither experience cancels out the other, they can both be true for different people, or even for the same person at different times.
So I’m not saying “this is how poly women are,” or that competition should be encouraged. Just that there are women who genuinely enjoy that dynamic, and they exist alongside many others who don’t. Different nervous systems, different desires, different relationships to power and intimacy.
Your experience is absolutely real, I just don’t think it’s the only one.
