Phy's story - As you like it

Hooray and congratulations! They're beautiful!!
I log in for the first time in months, and get to see this. :) :) :) Sooo so happy for all of you! Congratulations!!
Congratulations to you!

And welcome to the world, little ones!
Congratulations. They are precious!
Oh my gosh, how cute!!! Look at that little button nose, just like yours! One boy and one girl, right? CONGRATULATIONS!!! I wish you well, and I'm sure you're getting all the rest you need, with your two attentive and loving partners!

So glad you came by and shared! Hugs and kisses to you all!
So glad to hear the good news! Best wishes for everyone's continued good health.

May all mothers of twins be blessed with multiple partners to help them!
Thanks a lot to all of you :) We are happy indeed and our little twins are angels, you are right. We were lucky and the two are quite easy to handle up to now. Of course, you never know, they are with us two weeks and things may change.

Sward and Lin are well and proud fathers for sure ^.^ We take turns, Lin is mostly awake in the night and early morning hours, when Sward gets up around 4 to 6 in the morning Lin gets to sleep half the day and I tend to sleep in between. This works well and we are getting used to being parents and responsible for these little lifes :eek:

Said complications occured after birth, I bled alot and needed some transfusions and a night in intensive care. I have recovered but am still a bit weak, but Sward and Lin take care of most of the more tiring tasks. So, all is well :)
Congratulations! Glad you're recovering and Sward and Lin are settling into Fatherhood. :)
Wonderful news, Congrats on the safe arrival.:D
If you have the offer of help, then take it. Rest and look after yourself too.
Hey there, how is everyone doing? We are still well.

The twins are great. They started to make their first noises and smile brightly at us. Soooo adorable. The boy is having some problems in the evening, he used to scream for some minutes or even hours the last two days, but I guess this shall pass as well :)

Sward is quite the happy father, his nerves are strong and he loves the two with all his heart. Lin is having a rougher time in comparison. He has problems listening to and standing their bad moods, hearing them scream makes his heart race and unnerves him. It has gotten better, but he is still adjusting to all of it. Becoming a father right now was harder on him than he expected.

Some role plays our surrounding in this difficult adjustment. Hardly anyone complimented him on becoming a father. Most of the wishes were addressed to Sward and me. We really need to think of ways to clarify next time, when we invite guests to parties or special events that "we" means Sward, Lin and me and not only 'the married couple'.

Additional to this he felt so stressed by all the change that we had our first group-relationship-quarrel in the third week after the birth of the twins. I really thought that it could be too much for him to take and that the children could be the end of our relationship. But it got better afterwards. He was and is constantly putting himself under too much pressure, wants to make verything perfect in regard to the twins and totally overworks himself in the process. He is disappointed that he doesn't feel this universal love for the children yet, but I guess, he just has strange ideas about what that love should or could be. For exampel, when our boy was choking on some half-digested milk the other day, he was totally tender, worried and attentive, spoke to him lovingly, slept bad because he woke up constantly to look after him and didn't take his eyes off of him for a whole day afterwards. I don't know what else he expects to feel.

Aside from this, the relationships suffered quite a bit because of all the time we spend with the kids. But I guess, it is normal and I hope that it will get better soon. Every Tuesday my MiL visits to 'help' with the kids (she is so overweight that she can feed them and carry them some time sitting on a chair, that's it), on Thursdays it is my mother who comes to visit and on Fridays I take the kids with me when I go to visit my parents and sister. Lin's parents visited already to get to know their little grandchildren (they totally accepted them as such what made me really happy) and brought so many presents with them, that I was really surprised. His youngest sister will visit us in two weeks and the twins conquered the heart of the rest of Sward's and my family as well. I celebrated my birthday two weeks ago and there were sixteen people at our kitchen table and those were just members of our closest families. Christmas is going to be really intense in some years for sure :eek: But I have to say, I really liked it :D
Congratulations on the birth of your twins! I have twin girls and it's normal for the first few months to be incredibly rough on any relationship (mono or poly). I'll say the first year is toughest on your relationship(s). It will get easier though, just hang in there!
Well, not such a happy update for now, but overall things already got better, as we finally were able to talk and track down the problems at hand. I am really glad to hear that usually things settle down after the first year, Indygirl, because right now, things are taking their toll on us.

To summ it up: Lin definitely noticed that he 'isn't suited to be a father'. He lacks the devotion to 'give himself up' for the babies. First, he thought there could be something holding him back like no biological fathership, but in the end he is sure that it would have been all the same if the kids were his on a genetic basis. He isn't sure if he would want more children and is simply coping with everything right now. This sounds quite harsh but that is the root of all our problems since the kids came home. I can't blame him for anything here. He tried and is still trying really hard to get used to our new life, but being a father 24/7 is no easy place for him to be in. And the prospect of Sward working (starting in March) for 30h a week and me needing time for my exams as well is frightening him.

I was shocked when I heard about it. Sward was worried as well. The thing is, we can't do anything about this obviously. It is his problem to solve and it's hard to watch him wrestle with his emotions. Because he wants everything to work out and is greatly disappointed with himself and his reaction and inability to cope. He told me about a conversation with his mother; she told him, that when he and his sister were there, the word 'I' disappeared from her vocabulary. And that is how it is right now. For Sward and me as well, but we clicked with our new roles as parents quite well.

I can't tell what will come out of this. I hope that it is a problem with the age of our twins and that things will get better when they become more independent from us. I am having my own problems as well, but from the opposite direction. I can hardly leave them alone. The thought of working fulltime is weighing heavy on my thoughts and concentrating on my tasks is difficult as well, especially now as I know that Lin is having problems filling in for the time I need for other things.

But as I said: We are still working on and with the situation. No one was able to foresee this development and no one is happy about it. But we are sure to find a solution for it and everyone is trying hard and looking out for the other(s). I hope things will calm down and look brighter soon.
Some people just don't connect well with infants, lets face it, they are demanding, greedy, selfish little creatures. It's likely he will connect more with them when they can interact with him better. In the mean time, he's the favorite "uncle", not the parent. I know not what you guys had planned. No one realizes how much having kids completely takes over your entire life until it happens. People will warn you and try to tell you, but there is just no way to comprehend how all consuming caring for little ones really is.

Personally, I love the infant stage, but could live without much of the toddler (potty training) stage.
Hey, checking in again :)

Things are looking better by now. As Sward began working, our little ones became more and more mobile and therefore really easy to keep busy. They can spend hours just lying and crawling around, babbling in their two to three letter syllables and after they started to eat pureed food the meals became clocklike. It it still arduous at times and Lin is feeling stressed, but nothing in comparison to some months ago.

He does not want to be seen as an "uncle", SNeacail, and none of us ever thought of 'downgrading' him because of the problems during the first time. Yes, if it would not have been manageable I even thought about a possible separation space-wise, but luckily this was not necessary. We regard every adult in this household as a full parent of the twins and no one is less involved in their life compared to the other(s). But yes, you are right, one never comprehends how much of your time and yourself a child will occupy and no, we were not really prepared for two at once for sure ;) But now, seven months in, I can say that we succeeded. Things begin to really relax slowly.

From my point of view, aside from the stress with and around Lin, it's such a great time. I love those kids to death and am still all over them. I have never thought that I could be such a devoted mother, but it happened. I like them best when they get older as it seems. They were cute when they were little, but the older they get the more I am captured. It is soo interesting to observe their development and progress.

We are slowly starting to revive our individual relationships, which have suffered quite a bit under the needs of the children, but I honestly hardly cared about this loss during the last seven months. I have to remember to look out for my men as well again. While it did not impact Sward and me that much, because both of us were in our individual 'baby bubbles', it was additionally hard on Lin, who missed me and us quite a bit. Quality time is a big talking point on my list. And, btw, it is Sward's and my wedding anniversary today; guess what I did ... sat in the library to prepare for my exam :rolleyes:

Speaking of it, I am still at my finals. My last exam (for my first subject) will be next month, the rest being hopefully completed in half a year. It is so hard to find time to study right now. It wasn't my best idea to have children now of all times, but it seems as if I am doing quite well nevertheless. So overall, everything is OK on that front as well.

Aside from all this, I hope you are doing fine :)
Good to see an update from you, Phy. There is never a perfect time to have children. There will always be something going on. As they get older and more independent, it will get easier. Enjoy all those developmental milestones and precious moments. The time flies by so incredibly fast. I am glad Lin, Sward, and the little ones are also doing well. Good luck on your finals!
Indeed, there is never a perfect time for kids ;) We learned that for sure. Even though, I was able to finish my examination phase with 1,0 :D It went really well. I was a bit astonished, that the lack of time for my usual preparation routine did not impact the results in a negative way. Studying at home with two toddlers is ... difficult :p

But, despite the challenges which came with them, we managed to find our own 'acceptable normality' by now. Except for one occurence two weeks ago: Lin fell down the stairs with our little girl and she broke her leg :( Geez, that was a ruckus and stressful and awful for every one involved. I never want to see my kids in pain again (yes, I know, that likely will not happen ...), it was cruel to not be able to help when she was examined and her leg was fixed.

We were really astonished how fast little children heal, after 11 days the plaster was removed and now she is trying to get used to both of her legs again. She is still hesistant to put her weight onto it and cries a lot when it happens by chance. Lin is quite beat, he escaped with many bad bruises and is still not able to move around without restriction. But the guilt is eating him up, he was shocked by this occurence.

Our son has started to walk when holding onto things in his reach and he is doing fine. Still no time for our relationships due to the accident and the mobile toddler and university stuff. But I am sure more relaxed times are just ahead of us.
Several months ago, Eric accidentally sat on Bee's foot and somehow managed to break it! It was a huge shock for both of them, as you can imagine. Bee got a cute bright red cast, told the story about a thousand times, healed quickly, and promptly went on with his life. I feel bad for poor Lin, all banged up and guilt-ridden! But everyone involved will be just fine. :)