Phy's story - As you like it

I know it happens to others as well. Even though the medical staff at the hospital was suspecting us of hurting her intentionally. It was really unpleasant when we noticed in which direction their questions headed, when we were admissioned.

Our problem right now is, that she is totally hesistant to use her leg. I don't know how long it will take for her to realize that it is there and ready for use again. And unfortunately she seems to remember what happened. Every time we go down the stairs with her on our arm she clings to us :( Hopefully time will help. IT would help Lin as well to see her back to where she was before. She had to relearn crawling and standing up.
Oh geez, yeah, that sounds uncomfortable as heck.

Time will definitely, definitely help.
Guess what ... our boy thinks that we haven't had enough excitement lately. Now he came down with croup today! Why not a simple cold for a start, when he made it this far without being ill at all :(
My friend fell down the stairs with her 2 year old and broke his arm. She felt awful, but the child healed quite rapidly.

He had to wear a cast for a while, which he proudly called his "robot arm." When the cast was removed, he asked if the doctor could put it on his other arm, please, so that he could keep his robot arm. :)
Meera, that's so cute! I want a robot arm now too.

Phy, great to hear the updates, though sad for sickness and injuries. Awww... Hope things have cleared up now re: croup.

I have a question for you, if you care to answer. I'm wondering about your comments regarding you and Sward being in a "baby bubble" for a while after the birth, and Lin perhaps feeling outside that bubble. I know that your intention was and is for the three of you to parent together. So what was the bubble created by, do you think? I guess one possible reason is one that you have hinted at: that Lin didn't feel suited to be a parent. However, do you think there was any influence from you and Sward being the biological parents, rather than Lin, on creating that bubble?

Hope this makes sense, and you don't mind me asking on your blog.
Oh of course not, fuchka. We thought about that quite a bit and I can say, that things are slowly changing with time.

Reasons ... well: There are some from my point of view. The most important one is Lin's personality. He is egocentric, a bit narcissistic even. Little children take away all of your 'me-time' and he was completly sucked dry in that regard, so to speak. Sward and I were as well, but we work differently and didn't mind that much. That was the main stressor for him and as he didn't quite understand the kids, the younger they were, the harder it was for him, he felt inadequate to meet their needs. This, combined with the importance biological parenthood holds for him, prevented him from entering any sort of 'baby bubble', that is simply needed when you give yourself up to care for this helpless babies at first.

And when he observed us, being happy or at least not unhappy when dealing with the needs and quirks of the twins, seemingly easily handling the stressful situation, he got even more frustrated. Because ultimately he wants to be a father for them, he wants Us to work out and that was really hard during the first months.

The first birthday is around the corner now and the situation improved tremendously. He adjusted to the daily stress, they can respond in various ways and this makes it easiert to communicate with them. It is still a bit much sometimes, but I no longer am afraid to see him fall apart any more. He dearly loves them, just like Sward and I, but balancing his own needs and theirs is still complicated sometimes. And as he always compromising and usually not putting his needs before theirs, he still has days when he is not pleased with the overall picture.

But this is temporary. They will grow up and there will come a time, when they do not need 24/7 entertainment any longer. I guess, when we reach that stage, Lin will be more than happy to be a father. Little kids are just not compatible with his inner self :)

In reagrd to our here and now: We are adjusted, as I would call it. I am working on my final paper and managed to keep my grades almost flawless ... no idea how I pulled that of, I felt as if time flew and there was never enough to prepare adequately. At least that were my feelings, my professors thought differently ^.^ This makes things easier from my point of view, I do not need this much time and effort to prepare obviously, therefore I am not as pressed for time and am enjoying my free hours with the twins more.
So good to hear from you, and so happy to know that things are working more smoothly! :)

Everyone responds differently to parenthood, it seems. Eric has loved every minute of it, whereas Gia has really struggled. On the whole, she adores Bee and would do anything for him, but there have been times where the loss of her own independence has weighed on her so much that she's found the situation quite depressing. He's 4 now though (I can hardly believe that!!), so he'll be in school "full-time" quite soon, and then things will be a bit different. Anyway, even though I'm sure you're aware of this fact, I just wanted to share the notion that even bio-parents struggle and have various reactions to the completely life-changing experience of having a child.
Absolutely. I do not credit his reaction to being a bio-parent or not. It was personal, from my point of view. If my character would have been like his, I would have struggled just as he did, I am sure of that.

That is what 'you will never know till you experienced it' is about in regard to becoming a parent. And it is 100% true. It is a situation that you can not predict as well as your reactions to it. For some it helps that they know 'this is my flesh and blood' to make it more acceptable. For some it helps that they believe that they have to fulfil a certain role in this situation. Whatever it is, is decided by one's character.
:D Great one ;) there seems to be a natural archetype for everything the humans try to invent or live up to ^.^ Thanks for posting.
Hey there, I hope everyone is doing fine :)

Happy update time ^.^ Just joking :p

But things are looking good overall. I handed in my final thesis paper on Thursday. Just in time, no rush in the end or nightshifts or anything along those lines. We managed quite well. And it was a thanks to our collective effort that it worked; the men took the load off of me and I was able to work at my desk or visit my friends to write there.

The settling-in period at the day care centre started this week, we had to bring them at such a young age because Lin is unable to look after them the whole day. His health went down again and right now it seems as if he has to go into therapy soon :( That's why the twins will stay in day care till noon. After those 4-3h I can take care of them, but I need the mornings to keep working on my stuff.

Aside from the kids (they will turn 1 so soon :eek: next thursday ...) I am thinking about how to put more emphasis on our respective relationships. There is no time ... They are completely on hold and I don't find the right timing to kind of revive them even a little. It is no pressing matter for us (and this statement shows how urgent improvement in this department should come along :rolleyes:) because all of us know, that there is not much we can do about this right now. I would love to buy us some special 'we' time, but going out for dinner or something similar is not quite possible, as we are facing a shortage of money right now. And a shortage of energy as well ... *sigh*

Every time I think about this, I think "Maybe after this examination period ..." or "Maybe after the next week is over, maybe we will find some time at the weekend ..." or "Maybe later, when the kids sleep ..." but every time something (mostly related to the kids) comes up and we do not find the time again. I do not know how long it will go on like this, I guess that the stressful phase is coming to an end finally, the kids changed and our involvement is changing as well. Maybe soon ... we will see.
Hey there, Happy Christmas and New Year and what ever I have missed ;) Still alive, still around now and then. I hope everyone is doing fine.

Well, what can I tell you, that wouldn't be a repetition of the last posts. Still don't get enough time with the kids, still don't have enough time for my men, still doing university stuff and am not too motivated about it. I see a pattern there :rolleyes:

I had a horrible job for the better of four months; an experience I do not care to repeat. We were in need of money and I started to work nightshifts during my last examination period. 40h a week; sleeping during the day, working at night in a factory. Horrible! Ruined my last oral exam, because I slept an hour before I got there, learned while working in a production line, etc., but my final grade was really good nevertheless. I thought about working at university, but the vacant position was restricted to habilitation, not for working towards an PhD. Therefore I will start my internship at school in May. Before I have to finish my third subject and I am so tired of the constant examinations, that I didn't do anything for the upcoming exams up to now. *sigh* As we have so many refugees in Germany, I took a job as a language teacher for German, giving evening classes for Syrian refugees mainly. Much better work than before :)

The kids are adorable, just coming out of another 'phase' and as lively as ever. The rest of the family is fine as well, even though Lin has his usual health problems. Christmas with the family was great, the twins of my sister started to crawl about and it is so lovely to watch the children interact with each other. Honestly, family life is so happy and everyday, unagitated, that I do not really know what to talk about ^.^

That is why I simply say 'Hi' and hope for a happy year 2016.
So glad to hear an update from you. :)
Great to hear from you - thanks for the update!

Glad the family life is just - "life" and the work is better.
Phy - a very belated thank you for answering my question earlier re: the baby bubble. I'm glad that the situation is evolving as the twins grow and are more in line with Lin's personality type.

Sorry to hear Lin's health problems are continuing, but yes - your life sounds very much like "life"! Happy to hear updates from you as always. Hope you find much to enjoy in all in all your varied activities for 2016!
Hey, around again *waves*

I happen to tend to procrastinate quite a bit when I have to do stuff on the PC that I just do not like :p That's why I stopped by. Not the best reason, but I felt like posting again.

Glad the family life is just - "life" and the work is better.

Me too, Jane :) Sometimes everything becomes just too normal in a way, but I remind myself regularly that I can call myself lucky that our life is so unagitated and drama-free. There is the usual stuff, but nothing really major. Right now I am a bit sad, that Lin's family lives so far away, his parents have seen the kids just once until now, but his sisters stop by regularly, when they make their vacation trips through Germany. In two weeks his youngest sister will visit us for a weekend and introduce her new boyfriend. Looking forward to it.

I'm glad that the situation is evolving as the twins grow and are more in line with Lin's personality type.

Definitely! The older they become the better he gets along with them. He is still stressed out regularly, they become more 'demanding' in regard to entertainment and one needs to be more engaging to satisfy their curiosity, but overall, things look brighter on that front. And I love when he expresses how proud he is of them, when they learn new things or show some kind of 'talent'. (Nothing grand of course, but it is great when they start to be able to dress themselves, or eat for themselves, or share things among themselves, and so on.)

Lin and Sward are still suffering from the severe lack of time on my end. I am just so occupied with stuff :( Would love to have more time for everything, but my timetable is just stuffed.
Good to "see" you! :)
You as well, it is always great to see 'the old folks' around :)
Hey all :)

I am finally working in school. It is a challenging time, emotionally; at least that is the main focus for me. The lessons work out quite well, I do not think that I will have major problems with the practical side of teaching. But the pupils ... I have a really hard time separating their issues from mine. Or more specific: To not make each problem I encounter into my personal one. There are just so many kids who suffer because of their situation at home or some illness or social stuff. It is heart breaking. :( I need to get used to it and creat a certain professional distance. Having a hard time with that right now.

The twins are well. They grow by day seemingly, are still mostly word-less, except for about 10 words, but they climb every obstacle they find and are able to handle their bodies really well. Speaking does not seem like a priority to them. They just turned 21 months.

Lin is doing ... ok, I guess. It has been worse during the last month, right now it kind of 'works out' some way. Because of the medication his hair started to shed and he simply cut all of it. Now his head is clean ;) Looks surprisingly good.

Sward is quite satisfied with everything right now. All of his time on the weekends is spend with the kids. Today he took them to the grandparents and for a visit at his company. They are going to pick some flowers for his mother.

Take care
Well, that was a longer search for my blog in the section ;) Feels like necromancing my own thread. Hey everyone, I hope you are doing fine and everyone is well. As we just had to clear a stumbling block from our path I thought about checking in and write about it.

There are many factors complicating everyday family life right now and we had to sit down and talk about it finally. Because nowadays we do not find as much time to really check in with each other as we used to in the beginning. Or, to put it better: We do not make as much room for those check-ins as we did before. Central aspect that keeps making everything difficult is Lin's health. It went downhill during the last months and right now he is (possibly) facing surgery and is in constant pain most of the days. Which is wearing his nerves paper thin. As a result he developed depressive issues, which I would not call a 'real depression' yet, but he drifting towards it. Which makes everyday chores stressing and the kids too much to handle for him, resulting in him losing his temper too soon.

Sward developed bad sleeping habits and is getting grumpier and grumpier. The less Lin is able to lock after the kids, the more he needs to fill that space because I am completely occupied with my apprenticeship in school. Preparations are excessive and take up much of my time outside teaching my classes which is the main energy drain on my part. Aside from that he still hasn't find an effective way to reduce his workload produced by his boss and her horrible company leadership qualities. And he still expects too much from himself concerning the 'things he has to fix' around the house. He can't seem to tune down those to do lists in the back of his mind with the actual situation of being a father with twins and the only one with enough time and energy on his hands to sit them during the weekends.

All this results in no time for anything and constant worry about Lin. As we can't cut short our time for the kids, we had to reduce time spent on individual activities or with each other as a couple. That took its toll on us as well. OF course this was a process that enfolded its negative effects slowly over the last months and now it was finally time to acknowledge our needs and the constant neglect there and start working on that issue. Due to all that stressors we became less careful and cautious with each other and especially Sward and I didn't get much room to connect, as we got not as much time as Lin and I over the course of the day to simply talk on a regular basis.

Consequences: I have to make time for the family. Yes, teaching practice is demanding and needs more hours than there are in a normal day if I want to prepare as much as I need to, but it simply is impossible with the kids at home. I can't give that much and neglect the rest. Sward has to start and look out for his needs in the first place and communicate them to us afterwards. He is just brooding over everything without telling us what it is he wants to change and we can't read his mind. (Old topic, but every time it comes up we discover the old pattern.) Lin needs to get in better shape. We can't do much about that and will hope for the best in the near future with his new treatment.

Aside from that mess, most things are great. I definitely love my job and have a knack for teaching, the feedback from pupils and instructors is really encouraging. And the twins are great. Yeah sure, they have been ill and that is stressful, they have their bad five minutes the day and that is stressful too, but overall they are just so lovely. They need much of our energy but I get so much back, it is incredible.

I hope overall the next check-in will be on a more positive note.