spaghetticat
New member
I have searched and read a few posts, but they didn't really answer what I wanted to talk about, so I hope it's okay I am starting a new post. I don't really know where else to post to. There is a TLDR version at the bottom.
All right, just a bit of background-- I am not sure how much I have posted. I have discovered that I am a polyamorous person. Different things throughout my life hinted at it, but I had no idea what it was, as I'd had monogamy shoved down my throat.
Fast forward to today, I have two wonderful men in my life, whom I love dearly. They are loving, caring men, who are both very different and fill my life with joy in different ways. While the relationship is still fairly new-- about 2 months with my secondary, and a few years with my primary, I was very hesitant about attaching any kind of label, including poly, to our relationship until my primary and I had established what we were comfortable with and got our testing for fluid bonding all fixed.
It was recently something important in one of my relationships. Okay, I know maybe you are just going to say Facebook is the devil, but I LOVE having it to stay connected. We are only "out" to a few close friends and one family member who is also poly. Recently I have just felt really sad about not being able to express my love and talk about our relationship a little on his page.
Obviously in my situation it would be ridiculous to do so, as we have several mutual friends, and most have some idea my primary and I have an alternative relationship, about 3 know who it is, and he is part of this close-knit group.
Anyway, I got the idea to make a second Facebook, yes, a "Fakebook," I guess. It's still me, though at the moment it just has him and a couple other not-close friends and an anonymous name. This already makes me feel like people are going to figure it out. I guess I have a certain style of writing.
There is really only one person who I am uncomfortable with knowing who I am with. Most of the other people don't give it a second thought and we kind of ignore our relationship when we go out (once a month, it's not a big deal) with this group.
Anyway, is it a totally stupid idea to have a second Facebook so I can love on him online? It might sound stupid, but I see people all over his wall asking when he is going to find someone. (Long history-- he broke up with a very long-term girlfriend almost a year ago.) But honestly, it's more of a selfish motive.
We have talked about this and he says A. he is okay with the second Facebook, but I might need to find a better name, and B. figure out some way to not sound like myself.
His main issue is his concern over my primary relationship. (He is very very very considerate, and I love him so much for the respect he has for that relationship.)
I guess his family is very conservative and very nosy. A couple already know he is "seeing someone," but more like playing the field. Only his closest cousin knows the whole situation, and I guess just recently realized that not only does my primary know about my secondary- they are actually decent friends! His family is really into being involved with the relationship, so the second they start asking questions or I post something they are going to want to know who I am, what I do, meet me, etc.
Another reason why I want to keep it semi-private is it seems whenever I explain to close friends who I think it's okay to talk to about poly, they take it as me hitting on them, or an opportunity to say or think they are poly. I am not saying they are or aren't, but quite frankly I just say it so they don't think I am cheating on my primary. I am just good with the two wonderful men. I don't know how I could fit more relationships in!
TLDR Version
Is having a second FB account just so I can love on him without worrying what I might say stupid? Should I just accept we can't have that? Can we have that? I feel a bit deceptive in doing it, but I feel like it's the only way. We both love having the verbal slightly public PDAs, be it holding hands (he lives about an hour away, so that's not a big deal). But anyway, do you think it's worth it? Is this just a pipe dream? Should I forget about it?
Advice, opinions, experience all welcome. Just try to be nice.
All right, just a bit of background-- I am not sure how much I have posted. I have discovered that I am a polyamorous person. Different things throughout my life hinted at it, but I had no idea what it was, as I'd had monogamy shoved down my throat.
Fast forward to today, I have two wonderful men in my life, whom I love dearly. They are loving, caring men, who are both very different and fill my life with joy in different ways. While the relationship is still fairly new-- about 2 months with my secondary, and a few years with my primary, I was very hesitant about attaching any kind of label, including poly, to our relationship until my primary and I had established what we were comfortable with and got our testing for fluid bonding all fixed.
It was recently something important in one of my relationships. Okay, I know maybe you are just going to say Facebook is the devil, but I LOVE having it to stay connected. We are only "out" to a few close friends and one family member who is also poly. Recently I have just felt really sad about not being able to express my love and talk about our relationship a little on his page.
Obviously in my situation it would be ridiculous to do so, as we have several mutual friends, and most have some idea my primary and I have an alternative relationship, about 3 know who it is, and he is part of this close-knit group.
Anyway, I got the idea to make a second Facebook, yes, a "Fakebook," I guess. It's still me, though at the moment it just has him and a couple other not-close friends and an anonymous name. This already makes me feel like people are going to figure it out. I guess I have a certain style of writing.
There is really only one person who I am uncomfortable with knowing who I am with. Most of the other people don't give it a second thought and we kind of ignore our relationship when we go out (once a month, it's not a big deal) with this group.
Anyway, is it a totally stupid idea to have a second Facebook so I can love on him online? It might sound stupid, but I see people all over his wall asking when he is going to find someone. (Long history-- he broke up with a very long-term girlfriend almost a year ago.) But honestly, it's more of a selfish motive.
We have talked about this and he says A. he is okay with the second Facebook, but I might need to find a better name, and B. figure out some way to not sound like myself.
His main issue is his concern over my primary relationship. (He is very very very considerate, and I love him so much for the respect he has for that relationship.)
I guess his family is very conservative and very nosy. A couple already know he is "seeing someone," but more like playing the field. Only his closest cousin knows the whole situation, and I guess just recently realized that not only does my primary know about my secondary- they are actually decent friends! His family is really into being involved with the relationship, so the second they start asking questions or I post something they are going to want to know who I am, what I do, meet me, etc.
Another reason why I want to keep it semi-private is it seems whenever I explain to close friends who I think it's okay to talk to about poly, they take it as me hitting on them, or an opportunity to say or think they are poly. I am not saying they are or aren't, but quite frankly I just say it so they don't think I am cheating on my primary. I am just good with the two wonderful men. I don't know how I could fit more relationships in!
TLDR Version
Is having a second FB account just so I can love on him without worrying what I might say stupid? Should I just accept we can't have that? Can we have that? I feel a bit deceptive in doing it, but I feel like it's the only way. We both love having the verbal slightly public PDAs, be it holding hands (he lives about an hour away, so that's not a big deal). But anyway, do you think it's worth it? Is this just a pipe dream? Should I forget about it?
Advice, opinions, experience all welcome. Just try to be nice.
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