I hear that you think I was harsh.
You will find little leeway here given to new people who are in the "not quite poly" stage. Having feelings for another, or having sex with another, without the knowledge or consent of your original partner, isn't polyamory just because you have lust or love for a new person.
Polyamory is having multiple relationships with the knowledge and consent of all involved. And even a grudging consent isn't really enough. It needs to be a joyful consent from everyone to be a healthy working relationship.
Your wife gave grudging consent to your online erotic play. And now, she is fully unaware you have fallen in love, or are infatuated, with your play partner. Therefore, what you are doing is not polyamory, yet.
The only advice you will get here is to come clean and restructure your relationship(s) so that everyone is joyfully on board. If there is trouble emotionally or sexually relating to your wife, leading to your (barely tolerated) sex play, and to your fear of telling your wife you have feelings for another, you will get only suggestions to start a fully open dialogue. If you need help with doing that well, you will be advised to get a counselor.
You will find little leeway here given to new people who are in the "not quite poly" stage. Having feelings for another, or having sex with another, without the knowledge or consent of your original partner, isn't polyamory just because you have lust or love for a new person.
Polyamory is having multiple relationships with the knowledge and consent of all involved. And even a grudging consent isn't really enough. It needs to be a joyful consent from everyone to be a healthy working relationship.
Your wife gave grudging consent to your online erotic play. And now, she is fully unaware you have fallen in love, or are infatuated, with your play partner. Therefore, what you are doing is not polyamory, yet.
The only advice you will get here is to come clean and restructure your relationship(s) so that everyone is joyfully on board. If there is trouble emotionally or sexually relating to your wife, leading to your (barely tolerated) sex play, and to your fear of telling your wife you have feelings for another, you will get only suggestions to start a fully open dialogue. If you need help with doing that well, you will be advised to get a counselor.