tealheron11
New member
Hi, I am writing this to get some feedback and thoughts, hopefully from people who have had first hand experience with being poly and either being in the military, or being involved with someone in the military (The US military).
I am married and in a poly relationship with my husband. The place that we live has a large military community. Therefore, literally all the guys I have met or gone on dates with are somehow affiliated with the military (this community isn't very big and there aren't many civilian poly people at all..lol). No one has brought up any concerns about "getting in trouble" being involved with a married person before. However, most of my involvement with service members has been mainly casual or friends with benefits type stuff. I also have made friends with someone who is married, her husband is a Sgt, and they are open but not "out of the closet" of course.
I say all this to lead up to the important part of my concern. I have started consistently started seeing someone who is military and it is more than just casual, at least it seems that way. Everything has been great, he has met my husband, we have all hung out with all our partners, etc. This partner (the military one) recently shared our relationship with a friend of his, who indicated it was against the UCMJ (uniform code of military justice) for anyone to be involved with a married person, regardless of consent and ethical issues (i.e. open marriages). I read it, and it is pretty clear. My partner got very nervous, but did not say he wanted to end things. He just didn't realize this, and no one else ever seemed concerned (i.e. the other men I've dated) about this. I suppose it is something that as long as you keep discrete, it should be okay. I have looked up information on other forums and gotten mixed information, but it seems the general consensus is to be discrete and careful, and that it depends a lot on your command, who you know, who you trust, etc.
I am wondering if anyone here has been in a similar situation. Whether you were the military person or the civilian person. I am not looking for direct advice, per se, but I am curious how other people have managed this and how their relationships worked out. I really care about this person - I love him- and I don't want our relationship to jeopardize his life. However, it seems like there is a "limit" to how far this partnership can go, as he will be leaving this area later this year, and it seems like he will want to get married someone day (he's not exactly poly, but he's not against it either). Right now I am living in the now and making the most of the time we have together. This is also something to think about for the future, as I might move to another location with a military community and may be in this situation again.
I also love dating service members. I never thought I would find myself saying this. I know everyone is different and experiences vary. I find they have a lot of great qualities and I appreciate the time I've gotten to spend with them! <3
I am married and in a poly relationship with my husband. The place that we live has a large military community. Therefore, literally all the guys I have met or gone on dates with are somehow affiliated with the military (this community isn't very big and there aren't many civilian poly people at all..lol). No one has brought up any concerns about "getting in trouble" being involved with a married person before. However, most of my involvement with service members has been mainly casual or friends with benefits type stuff. I also have made friends with someone who is married, her husband is a Sgt, and they are open but not "out of the closet" of course.
I say all this to lead up to the important part of my concern. I have started consistently started seeing someone who is military and it is more than just casual, at least it seems that way. Everything has been great, he has met my husband, we have all hung out with all our partners, etc. This partner (the military one) recently shared our relationship with a friend of his, who indicated it was against the UCMJ (uniform code of military justice) for anyone to be involved with a married person, regardless of consent and ethical issues (i.e. open marriages). I read it, and it is pretty clear. My partner got very nervous, but did not say he wanted to end things. He just didn't realize this, and no one else ever seemed concerned (i.e. the other men I've dated) about this. I suppose it is something that as long as you keep discrete, it should be okay. I have looked up information on other forums and gotten mixed information, but it seems the general consensus is to be discrete and careful, and that it depends a lot on your command, who you know, who you trust, etc.
I am wondering if anyone here has been in a similar situation. Whether you were the military person or the civilian person. I am not looking for direct advice, per se, but I am curious how other people have managed this and how their relationships worked out. I really care about this person - I love him- and I don't want our relationship to jeopardize his life. However, it seems like there is a "limit" to how far this partnership can go, as he will be leaving this area later this year, and it seems like he will want to get married someone day (he's not exactly poly, but he's not against it either). Right now I am living in the now and making the most of the time we have together. This is also something to think about for the future, as I might move to another location with a military community and may be in this situation again.
I also love dating service members. I never thought I would find myself saying this. I know everyone is different and experiences vary. I find they have a lot of great qualities and I appreciate the time I've gotten to spend with them! <3
