Hi there! I've been discussing stuff over in the Introductions thread, but I think it's time to start a journal.
I don't want to start this with the ghosting/relationship stuff, though--it's getting to me today, and I'd rather not dwell on it more than I have, for now. I'll go there later.
I'd rather start on a more positive note: what my life looks like, generally, and where I'd like to see it go.
So. My husband (hereinafter "Vino") and I have been together for 23 years. We've been poly for about a decade. I have a professional dayjob career, so in the past, we've been guarded about our poly status. The somewhat-unfortunate result is that I rarely meet other partners (I've had four over the last decade), and they usually evolve from friendships, which isn't always an ideal match.
For a while, I thought I was demi, but now I'm pretty sure it's just an effect of being closeted poly. It leads to less-than-ideal matches and lots of awkward half-assery.
My hope, going forward, is to be more up-front and open about my relationship style--like, freely admit I'm poly in basically any non-work social situation, the way any mono person would note that they're dating. I'd also like to feel more secure expressing interest in other poly/enm people; I tend to be a little rejection-phobic. I really want kitchen-table poly, ideally, but at a minimum, I want waaaaaaay better communication than I've had in my most recent relationships. (Like, any communication at all would be nice, if you've been reading my Intro thread. Heh.)
Basically, I'm done stumbling into relationships with friends who have wholly mismatched expectations. From now on, I want to do this with a sense of intentionality, and if there's mutual interest, clearly communicate my needs and boundaries from the get-go.
(That said, I'm old enough that dating apps scare the bejeezus out of me.)
I don't want to start this with the ghosting/relationship stuff, though--it's getting to me today, and I'd rather not dwell on it more than I have, for now. I'll go there later.
I'd rather start on a more positive note: what my life looks like, generally, and where I'd like to see it go.
So. My husband (hereinafter "Vino") and I have been together for 23 years. We've been poly for about a decade. I have a professional dayjob career, so in the past, we've been guarded about our poly status. The somewhat-unfortunate result is that I rarely meet other partners (I've had four over the last decade), and they usually evolve from friendships, which isn't always an ideal match.
For a while, I thought I was demi, but now I'm pretty sure it's just an effect of being closeted poly. It leads to less-than-ideal matches and lots of awkward half-assery.
My hope, going forward, is to be more up-front and open about my relationship style--like, freely admit I'm poly in basically any non-work social situation, the way any mono person would note that they're dating. I'd also like to feel more secure expressing interest in other poly/enm people; I tend to be a little rejection-phobic. I really want kitchen-table poly, ideally, but at a minimum, I want waaaaaaay better communication than I've had in my most recent relationships. (Like, any communication at all would be nice, if you've been reading my Intro thread. Heh.)
Basically, I'm done stumbling into relationships with friends who have wholly mismatched expectations. From now on, I want to do this with a sense of intentionality, and if there's mutual interest, clearly communicate my needs and boundaries from the get-go.
(That said, I'm old enough that dating apps scare the bejeezus out of me.)