Poly lost in the sex shuffle

[MtnPolyLoversX2]

I’ve been enjoying life with my female partner . We are both openly bisexual and we are not a “Closet Poly” couple .

We are also open to all people (not just MFF like a lot of dudes have wet dreams about)

I don’t know about the rest of you happy Polyamarous couples but their seems to be no shortage of Men taking to my partner like she’s a sex object and obligated to sleep with him “because she’s Poly” OR couples Unicorn hunting that almost always throw around the classic line … “We are a Poly couple looking to explore our fantasy’s with a bi woman. NO MEN!”

And for me because of my dressing fetish I’m just a easy lay for men and couple to join their “t girl fantasy”

Point being even in 2022 it seems less and less people/ couples / men have even s slight clue what a relationship is anymore . It seems a lot of people just view us (and I’m sure many of you as just a object and easy lay . It’s not going to change is in any way but we cringe anytime we see a message from a couple or a male come up now

 

[kdt26417]

Hi MtnPolyLoversX2,

I don't know why people act like that, it is discouraging. It seems that relationships aren't very important these days; it's all about sex. And even within that narrow objective, there are specific perceptions and expectations. "Oh, she's poly, that means she has to have sex with me." Or, "Sorry, no men allowed, we are looking for a unicorn." Or even, "Oh, he has a dressing fetish, that means he is an easy lay." Things like that.

You and your female partner are part of a rare group group of people: poly people who value relationships and emotional connections. You are like a princess that has to kiss many frogs to find a prince. You will have to approach many people with your hopes and desires, only to have them come back at you with these clichéd expectations, at which point you will have to turn them down. You'll have to do this a lot of times before you find someone who is relationship-oriented like you. Sorry to have to say that.

Regards,
Kevin T.

 

[MtnPolyLoversX2]

Hi MtnPolyLoversX2,

I don't know why people act like that, it is discouraging. It seems that relationships aren't very important these days; it's all about sex. And even within that narrow objective, there are specific perceptions and expectations. "Oh, she's poly, that means she has to have sex with me." Or, "Sorry, no men allowed, we are looking for a unicorn." Or even, "Oh, he has a dressing fetish, that means he is an easy lay." Things like that.

You and your female partner are part of a rare group group of people: poly people who value relationships and emotional connections. You are like a princess that has to kiss many frogs to find a prince. You will have to approach many people with your hopes and desires, only to have them come back at you with these clichéd expectations, at which point you will have to turn them down. You'll have to do this a lot of times before you find someone who is relationship-oriented like you. Sorry to have to say that.

Regards,
Kevin T.

You’re 100% correct . I really think what men view as Polyamarous (really just a open / swinger relationship) is pushed on the female partner and she’s just going along with it to keep him happy

Sex is already easy enough to get so going after Polyamarous couples just tells us they have no understanding and usually have no respect for couples or their boundaries

It doesn’t bother us to tell those people to buzz off or block them but it’s to a point where we both have worn out the block delete button . We are Not sex objects to check off someone’s fantasy list

 

[kdt26417]

That's probably one of the most misunderstood things about polyamory, is that people think it's polyamory when it's just swing or open. In polyamory, there has to be an emotional connection. It can't just be about sex -- by definition. The other thing, that defies the very definition of polyamory, is the idea that it can be forced on one of the partners (i.e., the female partner). The definition of poly is multiple romantic relationships *with the consent* of both partners. So, if she is just going along with it to make him happy, that doesn't count as polyamory.

Regardless of whether it is poly, it is not cool for people to approach you with sexual propositions without respecting your boundaries as a couple. You really shouldn't have to hit the block and delete button that often.

 

[MeeraReed]

Are you dating as a couple (one profile) or individual (separate profiles)?

As a single poly straight women some years ago, I definitely got many rather desperate-sounding messages from "poly" couples seeking a "bi girl" to "join their relationship." I am not bi.

I also got many pushy messages from men who seemed genuinely confused (and sometimes, angry) that I didn't just want to immediately have sex with a stranger on the internet. But, even women who aren't poly get those messages.

 

[MtnPolyLoversX2]

Are you dating as a couple (one profile) or individual (separate profiles)?

As a single poly straight women some years ago, I definitely got many rather desperate-sounding messages from "poly" couples seeking a "bi girl" to "join their relationship." I am not bi.

I also got many pushy messages from men who seemed genuinely confused (and sometimes, angry) that I didn't just want to immediately have sex with a stranger on the internet. But, even women who aren't poly get those messages.

We do both actually because we do see the “Poly couples” followed by (almost always) staring with Bi female and Couples (couples as in making sure he gets his too)

Or shared profile we definitely get a lot of “would she join us” messages and the very few times we tried to meet a couple in a public casual date it’s been only He has been there and “she had a emergency”

I know that usually means either Fake couples profile or she’s just “playing along” and doesn’t give a dang what he wants if and when he luckily finds someone to meet

 

[kdt26417]

She had an "emergency?" Damn, that's cold.