nycindie
Active member
The tragedy of monogamy is that people make commitments not to have feelings that they simply can't control, so when they, almost inevitably, experience these feelings, they don't know what to do.
Monogamy as an approach to relationships, in and of itself, is not tragic. Remember, we have a number of monogamous members here who are quite happy and have very healthy relationships.
Monogamy is not a commitment to avoid feelings; that is one of the silliest statements I've ever read. The commitment in monogamy is simply to travel one's path in life together with one partner. What individuals commit to personally will vary, but come on! There are puh-lenty of monogamous folks I know and have known (myself included), who could talk about their feelings with their partners. Maybe it's because the roads I usually follow in life bring me to people who have a fair amount of self-awareness, and who strive to be present, aware, and awake in their lives, and that is why the terrible things people say about monogamy in general just don't make sense to me. I've had some awesome, healing, healthy, life-affirming, zesty monogamous relationships in my life, and wouldn't go back and trade them for anything! I would choose monogamy again, if I met the right person who moved me to do so.
Whether it is about fears, hopes, dreams, or if they found someone else attractive and had a little crush, people in good, healthy relationships can communicate these types of things, and it doesn't matter if their relationship is mono or poly. When there is a commitment to monogamy, it simply means you're not going to act on those crushes. So what? That in itself is not tragic. There is nothing wrong with having restraint and acknowledging attractions without going there, and then directing your romantic/emotional/sexual energies to your one monogamous partner. Sometimes I think there are people who get into polyamory just because they want to be self-indulgent and get their way as much as they can. We see it all the time here - they act like little children.
Polyamory as an approach to relationships, is not superior nor more evolved than monogamy. Whether a relationship dynamic is tragic or successful is wholly dependent upon the people involved. We have seen many cases here where polyamory has been quite devastatingly tragic for those involved!!
There is a danger in putting poly on a pedestal above monogamy - after all, it's just a label. It's the people who will make or break a relationship, not the label they put on it.
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