Polyamory, polyfidelity.... What is it?

[Magdlyn]

Crushed? Really? If things don't work out with someone she hasn't met yet and has only talked to online for a few months, she will be crushed? Methinks someone needs to learn what realistic expectations are.

Yes, I've been practicing poly for 6 years now (having dabbled in it back in 2000 for a short time with my ex h, then closing again), and I have dated about 30 men, plus had a LTR with one woman the whole time. Most of those men were 1-3 dates. Disappointment every time! A handful of first dates led to r'ships of 3 months to 2 1/2 years. None of those guys are in my life as partners anymore (a couple have remained friends). It wasn't my gf's role to "protect" me from being hurt by any of the relationships I entered into of my own free will.

I still don't understand how meeting new people "protects" your partner. Is she not doing the smart common sense thing to do in dating, which is to meet someone for the first time in a public place and to provide other people with her whereabouts and schedule?

I think women are safer to meet non-publicly than men. Much less of that testosterone making them aggressive and rapey. But be that as it may, perhaps Jane is getting a hotel room and meeting Lilly in a restaurant at first! We don't know if she is just going to walk right in to Lilly's home and stay there 3 days.

Oh wait a minute, she is taking a trip to meet this stranger alone, isn't she? Just a few phone calls and lots of messaging, right? And she thinks she knows Lilly well enough to travel to see her? Well, yes, I can see why you would feel protective. Why is she taking such a risk?

Might not be a huge risk. But now we see skyfire's true agenda is to meet and fuck Lilly himself, because he assumed poly couples always date as a unit!

He also says their r'ship with Jack was successful, but Jack seems to think someone was about to get "burned." Was that because he really only wanted Jane, and didn't really like 3way sex/dating with skyfire? If neither guy was bi, this might be the case.

 

[skyfire322]

And to follow up, I do believe (and I think you guys will agree) that I have fallen into the trap of the stigma on what poly truly means. Rereading this entire thread, I have no one to blame but myself in the end.

 

[skyfire322]

He also says their r'ship with Jack was successful, but Jack seems to think someone was about to get "burned." Was that because he really only wanted Jane, and didn't really like 3way sex/dating with skyfire? If neither guy was bi, this might be the case.

He wanted both of us romantically, and we are both bisexual. As for being "burned", in the end of Jack's prior poly relationship, he had proposed to his GF and after that she (to put it nicely) went off her rocker pretty much just using him. To this day, he hasn't given every specific detail, even to his family. In the end of it all, he said he just didn't want another ugly turnout. Things were and still are perfect between us three and still have some romantic feelings for each other, but it's more "friends with benefits" thing now.