paraselene
New member
I met my non-monogamous partner five years ago and chose to date him despite being freaked out by the concept of polyamory, which was brand new to me at the time. I've spent those five years coming to terms with his active dating life, learning to look to my own needs, cultivating platonic friendships, and growing a lot, but still feeling a little left out and blue when he's with someone else.
I've been on and off OkCupid many times over the years to see if I could balance things out a bit by dating other people myself, but I never met anyone I clicked with, and I eventually concluded that I'm hardwired to be attracted to one person at a time and that's that. Monogamy has always felt natural to me, so I figured I'd just embrace it and keep learning how to feel secure as the mono half of our pair.
Lately, though, as my partner and I have slipped into companionate love and our sex life has slowed down, I've started to want more. So last week I hopped back on OkC, and to my surprise, I met someone I really like and feel attracted to.
And now I'm in a bit of a tailspin, trying to process this idea that maybe I *could* be in two relationships at the same time, which has seemed impossible before now. It feels like a huge shift and I'm excited and scared at the same time.
So my question is, are there other people here who were sure they were mono but then unexpectedly gained a second partner? And if so, how did you adjust to the change?
I've been on and off OkCupid many times over the years to see if I could balance things out a bit by dating other people myself, but I never met anyone I clicked with, and I eventually concluded that I'm hardwired to be attracted to one person at a time and that's that. Monogamy has always felt natural to me, so I figured I'd just embrace it and keep learning how to feel secure as the mono half of our pair.
Lately, though, as my partner and I have slipped into companionate love and our sex life has slowed down, I've started to want more. So last week I hopped back on OkC, and to my surprise, I met someone I really like and feel attracted to.
And now I'm in a bit of a tailspin, trying to process this idea that maybe I *could* be in two relationships at the same time, which has seemed impossible before now. It feels like a huge shift and I'm excited and scared at the same time.
So my question is, are there other people here who were sure they were mono but then unexpectedly gained a second partner? And if so, how did you adjust to the change?