PolyQ, you have done a great job being sympathetic toward your metamour and being patient. But a whole year of you not being allowed to touch your boyfriend at all goes way beyond what is reasonable to accept, even in hierarchical poly!
If you were NewMom's partner (as in your hypothetical example of a scenario, in which it would be reasonable to accept that sex is simply off the table), you would probably still be able to touch and hug NewMom!
I think hierarchical poly is a valid choice for some poly couples. But when the restrictions severely limit the other relationship(s), to the point that it effectively becomes monogamy for the primary couple, it is reasonable for the secondary to walk away.
The fact that NewMom thinks you should just be able to get sex from your other partners suggests to me that she doesn't really understand poly herself, or want to practice it.
If you were NewMom's partner (as in your hypothetical example of a scenario, in which it would be reasonable to accept that sex is simply off the table), you would probably still be able to touch and hug NewMom!
I think hierarchical poly is a valid choice for some poly couples. But when the restrictions severely limit the other relationship(s), to the point that it effectively becomes monogamy for the primary couple, it is reasonable for the secondary to walk away.
The fact that NewMom thinks you should just be able to get sex from your other partners suggests to me that she doesn't really understand poly herself, or want to practice it.
