Propositioning

Thanks everyone for your thoughts... Lots of good points made!

I am bi-curious (both my wife and I are), but if my friend is not into that, I am okay with it! We are only looking for a triad to form out of this deeper friendship. We will talk to him about everything we are feeling for him. My wife wants to be with my friend and me at the same time (threeway, hate that term... lol). If he is not okay with that, we will not go further. Like my wife stated: "But I don't think you have to be bi to be with the same lady at once." You can be in a MFM triad and do not have to be bi.

We sent him an email today, little details... We will talk to him in person when we can meet up with him. We told him to take his time with the email, and if he does not want to meet up this weekend and just talk, then we can wait. No rush for us. We will be straight to the point about our thoughts (including him with us two in bed, etc.), and see what he states. If he only wants to be with my wife, or me, not both, then we will not go any further, as I stated. And as my wife agreed with me when we talked.

We are a close group. We love having him around our family. We feel very safe when he hangs out with our daughter.

My wife and I have talked about this for the last four days. I think we have talked about everything that has been posted. We do not want to get our hopes up too high. If he is not into this at all, then we will be okay with that.

He is the only guy we would want with us in a triad/threeway. If this does not work out, then we would like to find another couple, sometime down the road. My wife and I are happy to take the next step even if it is not with my good friend.

Thanks again, everyone. I think we have enough info for a bit. :) Wonderful site!
 
It is totally possible to have a sexual MFM relationship without the men being bisexual. My guys aren't sexual together, but we have had sex as three together. PN is bisexual and polyamorous. Mono is straight and monoamorous.

You can read my blog, Mono's "Cohabitation" thread, and the "Poly Vignettes" pinned thread for more on our family.

Good luck! :)
 
ladyslipper said:
But I don't think you have to be bi to be with the same lady at once.
Click to expand...

No, that was mentioned in case you were looking for a relationship in which all three of you would be sexually/romantically involved all at once, which is generally what's understood by the term "triad." What you do want is referred to as a "vee" or "V," with you as the hinge or pivot, meaning you would be involved with both of them in that way, but they wouldn't be directly sexually involved with one another, only through you.

Some men might be uncomfortable with the idea of being close to another man while having sex with a woman, but a lot of them probably wouldn't. The only way to know is ask him.
 
It is not necessary for the men to be bisexual to be in an MFM dynamic. I am not bisexual. I'm not even bi-curious. To my knowledge, neither was my best friend at the time we had an MFM relationship. I am just not homophobic. So when our body parts touched, it wasn't a problem. The overall goal was to please my wife. And please her we did. ;)
 
So, I wanted to stop back and share my lessons about propositioning our friend via email. My husband and I were both very concerned with how the revelation of this new idea we were exploring would impact our friendship with our him, whom we were attempting to bring into our marriage.

My husband was correct, I think, in assuming that he would feel more comfortable with an email. So we tried to email him in an attempt to prepare him for an actual face-to-face conversation. This ended up coming off too cryptic. He asked us just to "spit it out." We obliged. The thing about laying this all out in an email was that we didn't want to say too much or too little. We ended up having the discussion without ever having the discussion.

While we wanted it to be easy for him to say no, we honestly wanted him to say yes. What we couldn't see coming, for some reason, were the huge empty spaces in all of this that he was left to fill in for himself, without the benefit of ever looking us in the eyes, or saying what came to mind at the moment it came to mind. It was entirely too easy for him to dismiss the whole thing completely.

I won't go so far as to say he didn't give it enough thought, or he doesn't know what he's missing, but I can't help feeling we missed the mark on this one. He's decided it just isn't for him. Who am I to say otherwise? Still, I'll hold out hope that the idea continues to grow in his mind.

My husband and I have certainly benefited greatly from all the discussions we've had. Thanks again to everyone here.
 
ladyslipper said:
I wanted to stop back and share my lessons about propositioning a friend via e-mail. My husband and I were both very concerned with how the revelation of this new idea we were exploring would impact our friendship with him, whom we were attempting to bring into our marriage. My husband was correct I think, in assuming that he would feel more comfortable with an email. So we tried to email him in an attempt to prepare him for an actual face-to-face conversation. This ended up coming off cryptic. He asked us just to "spit it out." We obliged. The thing about laying this all out in an email was that we didn't want to say too much or too little. We ended up having the discussion without ever having the discussion. While we wanted it to be easy for him to say no, we honestly wanted him to say yes. What we couldn't see coming, for some reason, were the huge empty spaces in all of this that he was left to fill in for himself, without the benefit of ever looking us in the eyes, or saying what came to mind at the moment it came to mind. It was entirely too easy to dismiss the whole thing completely. I won't go so far as to say he didn't give it enough thought, or he doesn't know what he's missing. But I can't help feeling we missed the mark on this one. He's decided it just isn't for him. Who am I to say otherwise? Still, I'll hold out hope that the idea continues to grow in his mind. My husband and I have certainly benefited greatly from all the discussions we've had. Thanks again to everyone here.
Click to expand...

Very well stated!

I feel the email was the best way with this person, but other people might be better face-to-face. Our friend sparked a new way in our life as a married couple and I thank him for that. We did a lot of talking this last week and learned a lot more about each other and ourselves-- how deep our love is for each other is, really, and how we would like to share our lives with another's life in the future. The idea is in his head, so we are always open for him to join us. But we have also decided to take our time and try to find a nice couple in the area that would like to slowly build a friendship on a deeper level.

Thanks again for all your posts.
 
Well, at least now you guys know how he feels about it all. You can honestly say you've gotten over a hurdle, so to speak. I was right, though. He didn't kill ya! ;) It was either yea or nay.

It's always easier later on, most of the time, anyway. If someone else comes along, at least you will have the knowledge that you can ask these kinds of things and not be too shy about it.

Even though your friend said no, I think it maybe brought the two of you closer together, and that's always a good thing. :)
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top