Prostitutes and/or one night stands

vanille said:
We did have sex today. But I felt it was not what I would have liked to be our first time together again.
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Stop being so hard on yourself. This reminds me of a time my husband and I tried to have "make-up" sex. I had this image in my head of how it should be, and frankly, my head just couldn't get into it. Between still processing our argument, and feeling guilty for not being able to respond, it just became a disaster that ended with me in tears. Then we both felt horrible. However, being able to recognize this about myself helped immensely. Now we just cuddle and cling in bed after a fight and let the sex come a day or two (or more) later. We all act and respond differently to each situation. Keep Armani informed about where you're at, so he doesn't have to guess, only to be accused of pushing.
 
vanille said:
Edit: We did have sex today. But I felt it was not what I would have liked to be our first time together again. He has been unsatisfied for so long (three days), that he stopped thinking rationally. It must be hard for men, to have their judgment clouded by sex.
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I missed this bit.

Is this what you told her, Armani? Really? "Judgement clouded by sex"? I don't buy it. I have a high sex drive (this is not a male thing, btw) and always have. I don't have clouded judgement unless I drink. There are such things as control and self-gratification. It works just fine. Really, Armani, please tell me you don't say that kind of shit.
 
redpepper said:
Is this what you told her Armani? Really? "Judgement clouded by sex"? I don't buy it. I have a high sex drive (this is not a male thing, btw) and always have. I don't have clouded judgement unless I drink. There are such things as control and self-gratification. It works just fine. Really Armani, please tell me you don't say that kind of shit.
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I'm male, and yes, I've done dumb shit clouded by sex, but not after 3 days.

I agree-- I hope this was Vanille's interpretation and not something Armani told her. :(
 
Missing part

Vanille, I think the one part that is missing in all of this is communicating your feelings. When Armani went out the second time, and you were not really good with it, you should have spoken up at that point.

Armani, I have also learned the poly way, that sex with a stranger is just that. I am no longer just looking for sex, but relationships (although we are in a fourple now because of swinging originally.)

Vanille, are you ready if you find another person that he does commit feelings to? Are you going to be okay with that? Then it might be much more than just that quick fuck he had.
 
He didn't pressure me. It's just how I interpreted it.

I'm not sure where I am still. I think we are going to take a small break before we tackle this again. I want to have healthy, positive thoughts going forward.

I honestly feel like I haven't had the time to think. We are living with my family. Every day we travel and sightsee all day, until bedtime.

We'll go home on Saturday, though.

Being in this limbo sucks. Something doesn't feel right and I haven't had the space and time to put my finger on it.

We did this to grow closer, but I feel farther.
 
vanille said:
We did this to grow closer, but I feel farther.
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Part of that might be the fact that you are on vacation, staying with family members and not in your own home, a "safe place"." I always feel "off" when we have people visiting, or we're visiting others.

If you can, take some time for just you and your husband to get away and disappear for about 4 hours. Remove yourselves away from all the relatives.
 
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I just wanted to check in and let you all know that I'm doing great. I did need time, and being home has helped, for sure. We are doing great and are ready for the future now, and whatever it may bring.

I want to thank all of you for your advice and support.
 
So good to hear! :)
 
Yay Vanille!

I must admit, the first time Shannon slept with another whilst I was about (with someone who was also my lover), I was concerned about how I would actually cope with it, especially as their sexual connection is fairly amazing.

We do not know for sure how we will react in each situation. We just have to try and think it through rationally, rather than blow up at it all, which it sounds like you did. Congratulations on achieving this!
 
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