phasedandconfused
New member
Hello everyone. This is my first post. Glad to be here, and looking forward to learning more.
So here goes: poly has never been a new concept to me as I've run with a crowd where polyamory is very common since I was pretty young. I've always been around it. However I was also always shy, almost asexual really. So not only had I not ever been in a poly relationship until recently, I had almost never been in a real relationship period. Maybe that's a good thing - no deeply ingrained mono habits / beliefs to unlearn.
Anyway I recently worked through some things that were keeping me from really being able to have relationships, and the guy I'm seeing now came around just at the right time. And he is amazing. And he's poly. And he's in a committed relationship with a woman he's lived with for several years. And I'm fine with that. She and I have met, we've hung out, we hit it off well, we're both fans of each other.
So this guy and I have been dating for about 3 - 4 months depending on where you measure from. The "NRE" as I'm learning to call it, lol, was fucking intense and awesome. I don't think it bothered his primary, but it's possible it did and neither of them are telling me.
Anyway that energy is starting to dissipate and I feel him pulling away from me. He used to make a point of checking in via text or chat at least once a day, even if it was just to say goodnight before bed. It was really sweet and made me feel so cared for. Now I go days without hearing from him and he seems all distant and broody when I do hear from him. I want to ask what's wrong but I don't want to seem clingy, needy, or insecure. My (platonic) girlfriends all tell me that this is totally normal and guys do this sometimes and to just give him space and he'll be back.
The poly component seems to add a layer of complication though. Especially since he recently told me that he and his primary are potentially going to seek couples therapy with an alternative lifestyles counselor. He says they're still figuring the whole poly thing out. I guess I'm worried that when they do figure it out, there won't be room for me anymore. And if that's the case then I think it's really unfair, because I didn't do anything wrong. I know that these things happen sometimes and life's not fair, it's just hard to be so uncertain about where things are going.
I don't even know what I'm asking for advice-wise. I think I just need moral support.
So here goes: poly has never been a new concept to me as I've run with a crowd where polyamory is very common since I was pretty young. I've always been around it. However I was also always shy, almost asexual really. So not only had I not ever been in a poly relationship until recently, I had almost never been in a real relationship period. Maybe that's a good thing - no deeply ingrained mono habits / beliefs to unlearn.
Anyway I recently worked through some things that were keeping me from really being able to have relationships, and the guy I'm seeing now came around just at the right time. And he is amazing. And he's poly. And he's in a committed relationship with a woman he's lived with for several years. And I'm fine with that. She and I have met, we've hung out, we hit it off well, we're both fans of each other.
So this guy and I have been dating for about 3 - 4 months depending on where you measure from. The "NRE" as I'm learning to call it, lol, was fucking intense and awesome. I don't think it bothered his primary, but it's possible it did and neither of them are telling me.
Anyway that energy is starting to dissipate and I feel him pulling away from me. He used to make a point of checking in via text or chat at least once a day, even if it was just to say goodnight before bed. It was really sweet and made me feel so cared for. Now I go days without hearing from him and he seems all distant and broody when I do hear from him. I want to ask what's wrong but I don't want to seem clingy, needy, or insecure. My (platonic) girlfriends all tell me that this is totally normal and guys do this sometimes and to just give him space and he'll be back.
The poly component seems to add a layer of complication though. Especially since he recently told me that he and his primary are potentially going to seek couples therapy with an alternative lifestyles counselor. He says they're still figuring the whole poly thing out. I guess I'm worried that when they do figure it out, there won't be room for me anymore. And if that's the case then I think it's really unfair, because I didn't do anything wrong. I know that these things happen sometimes and life's not fair, it's just hard to be so uncertain about where things are going.
I don't even know what I'm asking for advice-wise. I think I just need moral support.
