Quad, looking for guidance

[NicWhoo]

Hello,
I am Nic, I am married to my husband Eric for 12 years, we are in a relationship with our loves, they have been married for 22 years. We started out in the swinger world, that is how we met. We spent that last summer, falling in love and trying to deny those feelings. It all came to ahead in Sept, after a life changing trip, we realized we want this and need each other.

It seems every few months or so (we met 9 months ago) things get more intense and more committed. I think we finally realized this last weekend, what our future can look like, and that we need to be more intentional in our relationship.

We communicate well, however we each bring our own emotional baggage, as does everyone. We are trying to figure out that balance between our individual, insecurities, needs and wants...

Any advice would be helpful. Thank you.

 

[Lea]

Congratulations on your quad! That's very exciting. When it comes to the baggage, the only way to deal with it is to talk about it. Do you all trust each other? Do you communicate well? Do you spend time going over topics that are heavy?

My trio is reading a book called "more than two" and we read then discuss the chapters together, which often prompts longer tangent conversations on everything from jealousy, to pivots, to conflict to communication. It's been a good experience so far and we're steadily (slowly) moving through the book.

 

[kdt26417]

Hi Nic,

Lea suggested an excellent book title, "More than Two: a practical guide to ethical polyamory," by Franklin Veaux and Eve Rickert. You might want to read it together as a quad, and there are questions at the end of each chapter that you can discuss with each other.

Communication is important, you want to do it often and well, and you can always get better at it, through practice among other things. It sounds like things are going well for your quad so far, keep us posted and we will try to think of additional advice.

Sincerely,
Kevin T.

 

[homenindy]

Hello,
I am Nic, I am married to my husband Eric for 12 years, we are in a relationship with our loves, they have been married for 22 years. We started out in the swinger world, that is how we met. We spent that last summer, falling in love and trying to deny those feelings. It all came to ahead in Sept, after a life changing trip, we realized we want this and need each other.

It seems every few months or so (we met 9 months ago) things get more intense and more committed. I think we finally realized this last weekend, what our future can look like, and that we need to be more intentional in our relationship.

We communicate well, however we each bring our own emotional baggage, as does everyone. We are trying to figure out that balance between our individual, insecurities, needs and wants...

Any advice would be helpful. Thank you.

Our timing and experience is similar to yours. From swing to poly and unexpected for sure! Through lots of communication and staying the course, it continues to grow and blossom!