Question about Meta being a Partner

txgirl

New member
Nox is married to Kay. She is awesome. Over the past year, her and I have become close friends. I have no complaints about her at all. She is wonderful. I do not have any sisters and I feel more than a friend, that she is starting to feel like a sister to me.

My question is, Is the person who is your meta also considered a partner? Maybe I don't know what the actual definition of partner is in the poly world. I know what "partner" is between Nox and I and Nox and Kay. What about Kay and I?

I feel kind of silly, but this is new to me. I only dated single guys when I was married. I really haven't had this type of experience with a married man and his wife. So it's hard to define it.
 
I want to clarify. Not a romantic partner. Just the definition of one.
 
"Partner" is generally used to mean someone you're sexually and/or romantically involved with.
 
A meta is a partner's partner. Partner is generally defined as someone with whom you are in a romantic relationship.

If you began having a romantic relationship with your meta she would become your partner. You would then be in a triad instead of a V.
 
Thank you for your replies. I assumed so.

I guess partner doesn't make sense in my mind.

Nox told me a few times that he likes to refer to me as his partner instead of girlfriend. He thinks I am so much more than just a girlfriend. However, the word partner in my mind seems so business like.
 
Hi txgirl,

The English language does not have great tools for describing poly things. Partner does sound businesslike, yet we use it for our closest romantic companions. It would be nice if we could say our husband or wife, but that would cross paths with the legal definition of a spouse.

What you have with Kay does not quite fit with "partner" as a partner (by one definition) is "a spouse or other type of domestic partner or romantic or sexual partner." Usually we think of a partner as a romantic partner. What you have with Kay would more be described as close friendship. Perhaps you could call yourself her "sister-wife." You choose a word that means what you want it to mean for you. If you like the word "partner" for Kay, go ahead and use it. It is a somewhat flexible word.

It's awesome that you have such a good relationship with Kay. Not all legs in a V can say that.

Sincerely,
Kevin T.
 
As others have said partner tends to signify romantic involvement within the context of polyamory. I do agree though that it's a pretty business like way of putting it. Depending on my mood it doesn't always seem like the best choice of label for me for that reason.

Maybe what you have with your meta could be described as a life-partner? I have a meta who has a relationship like that, it's not romantic or sexual but is more than a friendship. Life-partner is the label they've chosen and it seems to work for them.
 
My two partners, Jester and Boho, are also in a difficult to define relationship with each other. The difference is, they did used to be involved with each other in a sexual, if not a truly romantic fashion. The were FWB and remain very close friends.

Since I started dating Jester, they haven't had a romantic relationship, however very very occasionally, there has been some light sexual interaction between them.

We three are in a V-verging-on-triad. We haven't settled on a name or definition for the nature of the relationship between Jester and Boho. They love each other, but are not "in love" with each other. They do not refer to each other as "partner" in the traditional sense, but "life partner" might be closer, I guess.

Metamour doesn't really cut it as there is love between them and some minor sexual interaction, as I said. Some things are just difficult to define, and it may not always be necessary to do so, though I can see that it helps, especially when trying to explain the relationship to family and friends.
 
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Keep in mind that labels are really only for you to communicate to other people and help them understand what you are talking about without being able to see the full dynamic.

In most conversations you would just say that "my boyfriend's wife and I are really close friends" or however it is you feel about her because it's way easier to give extra context. In writing, it would depend on whether you're focusing on your relationship with her as opposed the relationship model between the three of us.
 
Keep in mind that labels are really only for you to communicate to other people and help them understand what you are talking about without being able to see the full dynamic.

In most conversations you would just say that "my boyfriend's wife and I are really close friends" or however it is you feel about her because it's way easier to give extra context. In writing, it would depend on whether you're focusing on your relationship with her as opposed the relationship model between the three of us.

I think part of the reason we have these labels is to create a sort of shorthand. It's a lot easier to say "my wifes meta" than "my wife's boyfriend's girlfriend".

Labels are funny things. This thread reminded me of something I found amusing. I had a business partner who would introduce me to people simply as his partner. He didn't realize that in some circles that meant we were a gay couple. He was very homophobic. I always had to laugh to myself when we'd get those knowing looks that he was oblivious of.
 
Not to me, no. I've really liked some of my husband's girlfriends and have been friends with some. If they started referring to me as their partner, we'd need to have a sit down talk because I'm not ok with that. I'm not their partner.
 
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