Question on triads ending

S

Storm

New member
I'm wondering what people who have been in triads do when it ends, in some form.

The example I'm thinking of specifically is this: A, B and C are all involved and in love, at first. But then C falls out of love with B, and only wants to be with A, but still wants to be friends with B. B still loves C, and is hurt that C no longer loves them. A still loves them both, and wants to be with them both. But B wants A to end it with C, since C has ended it with them.

How the hell would you deal with that?

I guess I want to know, is it fair for someone in the initial couple to want their partner to break it off with the secondary (don't really like that term, but using it for simplicity's sake) just because they have?

Maybe I haven't explained it well, but hopefully someone will get what I'm meaning, or I could try to explain more.
 
I understand. I had more of a V but I can't even understand how my husband even will be friendly to the other guy, because he was so hurtful when he broke up with me. I know this sounds bad, but deep inside I was a little hurt at him for even speaking to him or seemingly feel sorry for him when his plans didn't work out. Now that some time has passed, I feel ok about it. I don't have ANY sympathy whatsoever that his plans didn't work out and I hope he leaves town soon. My husband just sees him as a non-entity now.
 
So you expected your husband to end it with the other guy because you no longer loved him, or because he was an asshole when he broke up with you? But what if the guy had broken it off with you in a nicer way? Would you still have expected your husband to break it off, as well?
 
Love is her own boss and cannot be controlled or manipulated. Relationships can be made and broken, but love does what love wants.

Sometimes I also get caught up in "fair" and "not fair" but, well... fairness is a hopeless romantic ideal. Really, who actually expects life to be fair, and is there room for me under their rock?

To me, love means you want your partner to be happy. Love does not mean controlling your partner so that you don't have to experience any icky feelings. Everyone experiences icky feelings, and everyone must learn to overcome those feelings in and of themselves... Not by controlling the uncontrollable world around them, but by controlling their own behaviours and thought processes.

Sure, B can put her foot down and say "I forbid A from continuing the relationship with C," and A may agree, but not without some resentment. When D comes around, A is going to be a bit reluctant. Repeat that cycle once or twice more, and A is going to say, "Nuts to this. I'm sick of getting pushed around." At that point, it could go either way. A might say, enough of this poly shit, I can't deal with your insecurities, so let's just be mono... or A might say, I can't deal with your insecurities, this time I choose E and leave you, B, to find your own way.
 
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SchrodingersCat said:
To me, love means you want your partner to be happy. Love does not mean controlling your partner so that you don't have to experience any icky feelings. Everyone experiences icky feelings, and everyone must learn to overcome those feelings in and of themselves... Not by controlling the uncontrollable world around them, but by controlling their own behaviours and thought processes.
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Brilliantly put!
 
Storm said:
So you expected your husband to end it with the other guy because you no longer loved him or because he was an asshole when he broke up with you? But what if the guy had broke it off with you in a nicer way? Would you still have expected yous husband to break it off as well?
Click to expand...

Well yeah, I guess, because he hurt me deeply. They were friends, no more than that. I guess I didn't understand why he would even want to be friends. Some of the stuff he said to me really hurt me, for over a year. I know my husband felt bad for me, and he didn't understand why it happened the way it did.
 
Well, if he didn't love the guy, then I guess I can understand why you'd want him to break off contact. If he had loved him, then that would be different.
 
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