SaintAugust
New member
Here's the situation: I am in a monogamous relationship that has been going on for more than a year. About a month ago, my girlfriend Pat and I realized that our closest mutual female friend, Paula, most likely had a romantic interest in me, given our observations about how she has been acting towards me, and the ever-increasing sexual tension between Paula and me that both Pat and I feel when all three of us are hanging out.
I think that this would be a fairly straightforward situation, as these things go, except for one thing. About a week before we started suspecting Paula had feelings for me, something strange happened. Pat and Paula are very close, physically and emotionally. They were cuddling on Pat's bed (which is normal for them) when Paula started kissing Pat. This took her completely by surprise, because to her knowledge, both of them were completely heterosexual. But it didn't just happen once. They were kissing on and off through the evening. Pat and I were very confused why that happened, and were going to talk to Paula, but didn't know how to approach it. Thankfully, what happened didn't change our interactions with her, and we all continued to hang out like normal. Then about a week ago, Paula kissed Pat again, when they were alone.
So now, Pat and I are trying to figure out what to do. It has become apparent that both Pat and I need to talk with Paula, but we aren't sure how. It is highly probable that Paula likes me, and it is obvious that she feels something towards my Pat, too. Whether this is just sexual, or maybe romantic as well, we have no idea.
Pat is hesitantly open to the idea of a poly relationship. I say hesitantly because:
A) She has never really considered the idea before.
B) She does not yet know how she feels about Paula. They are best friends, and very close, so the possibility that romantic feelings on Pat's part exist is there, hampered only by the fact that she has never had romantic feelings for a woman before, and doesn't know if she is capable.
C) She is afraid of losing me.
I have never considered myself poly before, but I find the idea of having a poly relationship with Paula appealing. There has always been romantic potential between her and me, but nothing ever came of it. What I do not want is to leave Pat for Paula. I say there is romantic potential, but I have no concrete feelings at the moment. To be honest, I'm not entirely sure how I feel about her.
If it turns out that Paula does indeed like both of us, and is open to the idea of poly, then we would probably start "dating" her, to see if our close friendship grew into something more. But it's not like we are actively pursuing the idea of poly. It is one option among many that has been brought up, after much deliberation between Pat and me.
The problem right now is that we don't know how to bring all this up. I need to talk to her to figure out if she does have romantic feelings towards me. Pat needs to talk to her to figure out the same thing. Who she has feelings for will determine the next step. And what if she does like both of us? How on earth do I bring up poly without making her feel undervalued, like just another girlfriend (shortchanging her), or sounding like a pervert, or giving her false hope?
Paula is incredibly important to both of us, and the last thing we want is to alienate our friendship with her.
I think that this would be a fairly straightforward situation, as these things go, except for one thing. About a week before we started suspecting Paula had feelings for me, something strange happened. Pat and Paula are very close, physically and emotionally. They were cuddling on Pat's bed (which is normal for them) when Paula started kissing Pat. This took her completely by surprise, because to her knowledge, both of them were completely heterosexual. But it didn't just happen once. They were kissing on and off through the evening. Pat and I were very confused why that happened, and were going to talk to Paula, but didn't know how to approach it. Thankfully, what happened didn't change our interactions with her, and we all continued to hang out like normal. Then about a week ago, Paula kissed Pat again, when they were alone.
So now, Pat and I are trying to figure out what to do. It has become apparent that both Pat and I need to talk with Paula, but we aren't sure how. It is highly probable that Paula likes me, and it is obvious that she feels something towards my Pat, too. Whether this is just sexual, or maybe romantic as well, we have no idea.
Pat is hesitantly open to the idea of a poly relationship. I say hesitantly because:
A) She has never really considered the idea before.
B) She does not yet know how she feels about Paula. They are best friends, and very close, so the possibility that romantic feelings on Pat's part exist is there, hampered only by the fact that she has never had romantic feelings for a woman before, and doesn't know if she is capable.
C) She is afraid of losing me.
I have never considered myself poly before, but I find the idea of having a poly relationship with Paula appealing. There has always been romantic potential between her and me, but nothing ever came of it. What I do not want is to leave Pat for Paula. I say there is romantic potential, but I have no concrete feelings at the moment. To be honest, I'm not entirely sure how I feel about her.
If it turns out that Paula does indeed like both of us, and is open to the idea of poly, then we would probably start "dating" her, to see if our close friendship grew into something more. But it's not like we are actively pursuing the idea of poly. It is one option among many that has been brought up, after much deliberation between Pat and me.
The problem right now is that we don't know how to bring all this up. I need to talk to her to figure out if she does have romantic feelings towards me. Pat needs to talk to her to figure out the same thing. Who she has feelings for will determine the next step. And what if she does like both of us? How on earth do I bring up poly without making her feel undervalued, like just another girlfriend (shortchanging her), or sounding like a pervert, or giving her false hope?
Paula is incredibly important to both of us, and the last thing we want is to alienate our friendship with her.
