Quick Quesion

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Lifeisinteresting

New member
Hey all, am I in the right place? lol I'm not sure if what we're doing is poly or open marriage or something else. My wife will be free to have relationships with other women outside of our marriage. To be clear, I'm not looking to make it a three person relationship. Two separate relationships. What is this called?? and thanks for the read
 
Welcome!

Welcome to the Forum! First.

If you let her date woman? You might, for you, work on self to let her date guys/girls/whatever is her flavor!

Yup, it would grow you faster. On the only you personal level.
See yah.
Just wanted to welcome
 
That would be a poly "V", with your wife as the hinge. Is she only interested in women, or is this a condition from you? (The former is not that uncommon a situation for people who realize they're bi after already married - Artist's wife had that experience.)
 
Hi Lifeisinteresting - and welcome to the Forum!

I'm not sure if what we're doing is poly or open marriage or something else. My wife will be free to have relationships with other women outside of our marriage. To be clear, I'm not looking to make it a three person relationship. Two separate relationships. What is this called??
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If your wife is in an intimate, loving/emotional relationship with you and another person at the same time with the knowledge and consent of all three of you, then, by definition, it would be a polyamorous relationship between the three of you. As Icesong pointed out, this particular configuration is known as a V (where your wife is the hinge, and you and her other partner are the "legs". Her other partner is referred to as your "metamour" in poly terms. If all 3 of you were involved together, then it would be a triad.)

You've actually touched on a couple of hot buttons in your post. The first - that your wife will date other women (but presumably not other men) is often referred to somewhat derisively in the poly world as the OPP or "One Penis Policy", meaning that the husband is ok for his wife to have other sexual relationships - as long as they are only with women. This is generally frowned upon in the poly community as the restriction implies an issue of control that runs contrary to the spirit of poly - so you might receive some push back on that if you brave the waters of the poly community, unless of course, that is her preference - and she is the one who wants to restrict her other relationships to women.

The second issue is your plan NOT to look for a "unicorn" (aka as a hbb - hot bi-babe) who will date both of you - and for that you get are likely to get a thumbs up. :) The search for a unicorn by an adventurous couple who has decided to open their marriage is so common that it is virtually a cliche - needless to say, unicorn hunters are not held in high regard by the poly community as a whole. That's really a whole other topic, but experience has shown that poly generally works best when the partners each have their own "other relationships".

Best of luck on your new journey into the world of poly. Al
 
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Greetings Lifeisinteresting,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

There are numerous kinds of open marriage, it can include polyamory but it is often used to describe nonmonogamy where there will be no outside emotional attachments. "Open" frequently means that both of you are free to (outside) date. "Poly" means there will be emotional attachments (such as falling in love). It's possible for a marriage to be both open and poly.

Let us know if you have more questions, I'm glad you could join us.

Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter" :)

Notes:

There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.

Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.

If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.

Welcome aboard!
 
Al99 said:
The first ... is often referred to somewhat derisively in the poly world as the OPP or "One Penis Policy"
Click to expand...
As you keep bringing this up, I've decided to create a new thread, which is where my response resides.
http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=95986

Lifeisinteresting said:
I'm not sure if what we're doing is poly or open marriage or something else.
Click to expand...
Thus far, it's a sexually-open marriage, at least in the sense that you are (at the moment)committed to being "a couple" & keeping the dyad central. Nobody is yet nonmonogamous, much less polyamorous. ;)

Of course, that status is theoretical: you're willing to explore it, but it's not yet tested by reality. (You can WANT to drive a Formula One car, but you're NOT "a Formula One driver" until you actually get behind the wheel at least ONCE, no matter how obsessed you are with the notion.)

When one of you actually becomes attached to another person, then you all will have the opportunity to determine whether the three of you are willing to maintain the "sexually open marriage" status. (Options include ending the present couple in order to start a new one.)

If a person has more than one sex/emotional relationship, then that person can be said to be nonmonogamous. However, if the people they're attached to have only one intimate, then THEY aren't "nonmonogamous." Similarly, someone involved with a person living polyamorously isn't necessarily polyamorous in the least, especially if their interaction with their partner'sother partners is minimal. So, if your wife is out exploring, that doesn't make YOU somehow poly.
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Al99
The first ... is often referred to somewhat derisively in the poly world as the OPP or "One Penis Policy"
Ravenscroft replied:
As you keep bringing this up, I've decided to create a new thread, which is where my response resides.
http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=95986
Click to expand...

Must be a case of mistaken identity - this is the first time that I can recall ever haven written about the OPP - as it is not a topic of particular interest to me. I mentioned it in my reply just to give the OP a heads up - as I have read many negative takes on the OPP here and elsewhere.

But - I did appreciate your post on the subject at the link above - good synopsis, imo (fwiw). Al
 
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