I posted here for awhile 1-2 years ago.
My story: I spent over two decades in a hinged (FMF) triad, under the same roof, that only ended when the hinge passed away. Like any relationship, it had its ups and downs. In our case, those seemed due to ordinary causes, not caused by the triad configuration. She and I are still very close, but living separately, as we want different things in our lives.
It wasn't too long before I found myself in another triad, dating another couple. Because I was in some ways still reeling from the loss of my former love, I didn't see the warning signs, the signs of real trouble in this new couple's marriage. I listened to their words, and dismissed some of the issues in their behaviors. I trusted easily because Eden was a childhood friend with whom I'd had intermittent contact throughout our lives. What that intermittent contact failed to reveal was that she was still emotionally a twelve year old. Bryce worked very hard to compensate, which also disguised her immaturity.
Suffice it to say, a "twelve year old" does not have the capability of functioning well in a traditional marriage, much less a triad. Eden was fancifully enamored with our triad, pushed for it, then did a complete 180 and was done. Period. We failed. I left. And Bryce tried to learn how to no longer love me, or at least pretend not to, at her request. The damage was already done. My mature presence had pointed out just how dysfunctional she was. Two marriage counselors, and a year after I left, they are in the process of divorcing.
Bryce and I remain close friends. We live separately. Something Eden fails to understand to this day is that he did not leave her for me. We see each other when we can, and communicate daily, trying to pick our way towards the future. Neither of us is sure what that looks like, exactly. He is still trying to recover from the loss of his 15-year marriage, and taking care of his kids. (Lots of guilt about the kids.) And I feel a lot like a duck out of water, living alone.
From my perspective, while the loss of my love through death was bad, what Bryce is going through seems worse. Eden never allows for any mutual understanding between them. Of course, she didn't in her marriage, either.
At the moment, he and I have ruled out being mono together. We are very alike. We get along beautifully, but it is almost as if we are too alike. HA!
It kind of feels like we are 2/3 of a relationship. I'm not sure how much of that is accurate, or if it just feels that way because of our start. It's also very difficult to tell how much is driven by guilt-- his, and perhaps mine. We are both very logical, and I sometimes think that gets in the way of identifying what we are feeling, because feelings often don't make sense.
And that's my story, so far.
My story: I spent over two decades in a hinged (FMF) triad, under the same roof, that only ended when the hinge passed away. Like any relationship, it had its ups and downs. In our case, those seemed due to ordinary causes, not caused by the triad configuration. She and I are still very close, but living separately, as we want different things in our lives.
It wasn't too long before I found myself in another triad, dating another couple. Because I was in some ways still reeling from the loss of my former love, I didn't see the warning signs, the signs of real trouble in this new couple's marriage. I listened to their words, and dismissed some of the issues in their behaviors. I trusted easily because Eden was a childhood friend with whom I'd had intermittent contact throughout our lives. What that intermittent contact failed to reveal was that she was still emotionally a twelve year old. Bryce worked very hard to compensate, which also disguised her immaturity.
Suffice it to say, a "twelve year old" does not have the capability of functioning well in a traditional marriage, much less a triad. Eden was fancifully enamored with our triad, pushed for it, then did a complete 180 and was done. Period. We failed. I left. And Bryce tried to learn how to no longer love me, or at least pretend not to, at her request. The damage was already done. My mature presence had pointed out just how dysfunctional she was. Two marriage counselors, and a year after I left, they are in the process of divorcing.
Bryce and I remain close friends. We live separately. Something Eden fails to understand to this day is that he did not leave her for me. We see each other when we can, and communicate daily, trying to pick our way towards the future. Neither of us is sure what that looks like, exactly. He is still trying to recover from the loss of his 15-year marriage, and taking care of his kids. (Lots of guilt about the kids.) And I feel a lot like a duck out of water, living alone.
From my perspective, while the loss of my love through death was bad, what Bryce is going through seems worse. Eden never allows for any mutual understanding between them. Of course, she didn't in her marriage, either.
At the moment, he and I have ruled out being mono together. We are very alike. We get along beautifully, but it is almost as if we are too alike. HA!
It kind of feels like we are 2/3 of a relationship. I'm not sure how much of that is accurate, or if it just feels that way because of our start. It's also very difficult to tell how much is driven by guilt-- his, and perhaps mine. We are both very logical, and I sometimes think that gets in the way of identifying what we are feeling, because feelings often don't make sense.
And that's my story, so far.
