I question the necessity of the male libido for sexual pleasure. I guess some people prefer that "male energy" but I actually don't care for it. I find the female touch plenty effective. I think our view of sexuality differs quite a bit. I see male sexuality in terms of procreation, and female sexuality in terms of pure pleasure. Ever notice how so many women complain that their men just aren't good at it? Standard PIV sex just doesn't do it for 80% of the female population.
Guys, I suppose that two people with same type of biology are actually directly interchangeable.
Because there are heterosexual poly women like myself who enjoy the company of men.
I do not find women attractive at all. And I have a sex drive the average man in my age group can not keep up with long. God forbid I prefer the company of men.
MajorMerrick, don't you think this is because - by your own admission - you're way more attracted to women/basically lesbian, with the exception of Ares who's the only man you've ever been attracted to?
Men are more than just dicks, what they can do with their dicks, how long their erections can last, and the viability of their testicles' product.
I am a (mostly) hetero cis female who happens to have both a female AND a male partner. If I were to break up with either or both of them and beginning dating anew, I can say with 90+% certainty that I'd be far more inclined towards dating another man or males in general, simply because I'm oriented that way.
What would be so hard to understand about wanting to date and have sex with BOTH:
a.) A tall, thin, dark guy, who is intellectual, loves music and is a great conversationalist, is vanilla but can last forever... AND
b.) A short, stocky, pale redheaded builder dude, who loves animals, cooking, and is skilled at oral sex and rope play?
After all, I am 50 years old and my children are grown. I am not looking for a father for my children OR someone with whom to procreate - those years being behind me, for one thing.
Yes, I love my female partner, and yes, she is loving, is a fantastic kisser and we have a wonderful time both in and out of bed. She is an attentive lover, my best friend and we have tons in common. That said, she is the ONLY female I've ever felt this strongly about, physically and emotionally.
And, like Magdlyn, below, I do enjoy "male energy" - which is NOT confined strictly to the male penis, intercourse or sexuality in general.
I enjoy the feel of a man's body, (sweeping generalisations here) the deeper tone of their voices, smell, their strength, the banter/humour and often more practical approach to problem solving. Yes, men come in all shapes and sizes and have different skills, because they're human beings, but overall there is a different vibe to being with a man than a woman... and that isn't solely dependent on them having a penis.
In any case, the males I've had relationships with have known quite well what to do with - not only their penis - but their mouths, hands, fingers and other objects. My ex-husband was one of those who absolutely insisted on satisfying me several times before HE got off, and as I have no trouble orgasming via any of the above means, I was invariably left as happy and satisfied as I am with my female partner. And the same goes for the boyfriend I had when I was 18, as well as Jester who is in his late 50s. Idk, maybe I got lucky in that department...
The idea that in any poly relationship, a man could "replace" a man or a woman could "replace" a woman is ludicrous. What are we, clones?
Just because 2 partners have a penis or a vagina doesn't mean one can replace another. The 2 same gendered people look different, sound different, their faces are different, their penises or vaginas are different, their heights are probably different, their hair is different, their family backgrounds are different, their hometowns are different, their hobbies are different... they have different sexual skills. Sure, one man might have a better sexual skill set. But a woman might have a BETTER sexual skill set than a man, since she doesn't rely on PIV to get a person off.
Also, an aside..... I am surprised at all the generalizations that men rely on their dicks to get women off, or are unconcerned with women’s pleasure as a whole. Is that really still common? I had read the research that Ravenscroft had mentioned (about intercourse lasting 2.5 minutes), but figured (1) That has never happened to me, but if it did it wouldn't be a cause for complaint. I would actually love to have a partner who orgasmed on the early side during PIV instead of fucking me forEVER and making me sore and exhausted in the process; (2) Why does it matter to women if PIV is short? It's the other stuff that usually is more fun for women anyway
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Having said all that... I am in a closed "V" that essentially has a OPP.
My partner Jester is not normally a jealous, possessive person, and was perfectly happy for me to be with Boho, when I sought his consent to date her (Jester and I had already been together a year at that point) - though he admitted that he would feel more threatened if I'd wanted to date another guy.
He also acknowledged that his attitude was somewhat sexist... and this, despite the fact that he'd displayed no real jealousy toward me being with my husband, who I'd been separated from, but still occasionally sleeping with when Jester and I first began.
I think he accepted the situation with Red because it was a pre-existing situation he was aware of from the beginning... whereas his negative feelings about any potential "new guy" (partially) stem more from the fact that Jester, Boho and I are/were aiming for a poly-fi V, and anyone else would be an unknown quantity.
Human feelings and relationships are complex. Sometimes we don't really know or understand WHY we feel the way we do... yet it's almost always worth taking the time to explore and analyse the reasons, if a reaction is extremely negative or seemingly without reasonable basis.