Safe love and STI testing

GuardianNoodle

GuardianNoodle

New member
This is something that has been on my mind the last couple of days. I haven't had an STI test since I was in highschool and was scheduling one now that my partner and I are no longer monogamous.

How often are you getting tested? I have to go to the doctor every 90 days for an RX refill anyway, so I figured I'd do it then. Any other safety recommendations?
 
Your testing schedule should be totally individual to your own risk profile. That depends on how often you're having new sexual partners, whether you use barriers, how often your partners have new partners, whether they use barriers.

I think on average, most people who are actively on the dating scene in sex-positive communities are testing every three to six months. That's what most people quote.

Others who don't often have new partners have annual tests with their usual check ups.

The people I know who are into recreational sex in swinging-type environments test as frequently as monthly. But I'm in a place where testing is free, so that might be why some people don't mind testing that often.
 
SEASONEDpolyAgain said:
Your testing schedule should be totally individual to your own risk profile. That depends on how often you're having new sexual partners, whether you use barriers, how often your partners have new partners, whether they use barriers.

I think on average, most people who are actively on the dating scene in sex-positive communities are testing every three to six months. That's what most people quote.

Others who don't often have new partners have annual tests with their usual check-ups.

The people I know who are into recreational sex in swinging-type environments test as frequently as monthly. But I'm in a place where testing is free, so that might be why some people don't mind testing that often.
Click to expand...
For me, I only currently have one partner that I have sex with. My wife's other partner is experienced in poly and has several other partners, that I know of. He does use barriers with all of his partners, from what he has told me. It's not something I'm super-concerned about now, but I want to get in the habit of getting tested.
 
GuardianNoodle said:
For me I only currently have the one partner that I have sex with. My wife's other partner is experienced in poly and has several other partners that I know of, he does use barriers with all of his partners from what he has told me. Its not something I'm super concerned about now but want to get in the habit of getting tested.
Click to expand...

Every 6 months sounds good for you. Maybe your wife might want to test slightly more frequently.
 
I get tested anytime I need blood work (which is usually annually). Same for my partners. None of us have had new sexual partners in years at this point.

When any of us are having more frequent new sexual partners, we get tested more often. Like quarterly or anytime a change in risk level happens.
 
I get tested every 6 months. I have one partner that has been on very few dates and had sex less than a handful of times in 3 years with condoms. I use condoms with my other partner when he starts seeing anyone else, because he likes to be condomless with partners. He gets tested before any new partners, and they get tested too, But I have trust issues. I don’t like to rely on partner's partners to be honest and have good boundaries, as I know women can be very submissive to the desires of men and some have a hard time saying no. I only go condomless with him if he isn't seeing anyone else and has been tested since his last relationship ended.

In my case, I have a boundary that I will not have condomless sex with anyone who is having condomless sex with others (tests or not). They can choose what they want and I protect myself accordingly. I like to keep that one degree of safety to reduce risk for myself.
 
Rarely, if ever, is there such a thing as 100% safe sex. It basically boils down to each individual's acceptable level of risk. Even in a strictly monogamous marriage, where both spouses were virgins when they wed, can either spouse really be sure of the other spouse's virginity at that time? Is it 100% certain that both spouses were/are honest about that?

As for testing, it takes a certain amount of time for a test to be processed, and by the time the results are processed, more sexual activity could have occurred. And then, like you said, how many days between tests is really safe? You can use condoms, but it's not 100% certain that a condom won't tear. Plus, a standard STI panel doesn't test for everything. You have to request certain tests. There's just so much that can go wrong...

We all have acceptable levels of risk. Cars and planes can crash, but we drive/ride in them anyway. That candy bar can lead to diabetes, but we eat it anyway. The level of risk is acceptable. With sex, it's a little trickier to determine what level is acceptable, but it does always come down to an individual's judgment call. Certainly it helps if one explores the topic on Wikipedia, but how deep of a dive is warranted? Again, that's for each individual to decide.
 
I had another conversation with her about it. We are renegotiating our condom rule, as, after much thought, I don’t think it’s fair to require condoms with everyone else. She is scheduling her test and I have also scheduled mine.
 
Husband (primary) and I are on a rotating 6 month schedule, so collectively quarterly, if that makes sense. Ideally if he is clean, I am clean, and vice versa.

My bigger complaint is the variance in cost and how long it has taken us to find a place that is quick and effective and also affordable. Had my OBGYN do my first test and it was unclear how much insurance covered but the itemized bill slapped $900 on that thing. WTF.

We are now uninsured and believe I will pay something closer to $130 if I get it done at a basic "labcorps" type place, or of course I could skibble on down to the health department and take a number and do it for free. Sigh. American healthcare is such a disappointment sometimes.
 
Sunshine79 said:
Husband (primary) and I are on a rotating 6 month schedule, so collectively quarterly, if that makes sense. Ideally if he is clean, I am clean, and vice versa.

My bigger complaint is the variance in cost and how long it has taken us to find a place that is quick and effective and also affordable. Had my OBGYN do my first test and it was unclear how much insurance covered but the itemized bill slapped $900 on that thing. WTF.

We are now uninsured and believe I will pay something closer to $130 if I get it done at a basic "labcorps" type place, or of course I could skibble on down to the health department and take a number and do it for free. Sigh. American healthcare is such a disappointment sometimes.
Click to expand...
Yep, you would think that the powers that be would want a healthy workforce, but apparently not...
 
Bobbi said:
in my case, i have a boundary that i will not have condomless sex with anyone who is having condomless sex with others (tests or not). They can choose what they want and I will protect myself accordingly. I like to keep that one degree of safety to reduce risk for myself.
Click to expand...

This is our rule, as well. But we've also been known to negotiate specific circumstances when the male partner has had a vasectomy and we have a rapport with that person, to trust he is being tested regularly and is clean. It has been, so far, a very small handful of men. My husband always wears a condom with his partners who are not me, because he is totally fine with it.

So many men are condom-averse. Sigh.
 
Sunshine79 said:
This is our rule, as well. But we've also been known to negotiate specific circumstances when the male partner has had a vasectomy and we have a rapport with that person, to trust he is being tested regularly and is clean. It has been, so far, a very small handful of men. My husband always wears a condom with his partners who are not me, because he is totally fine with it.

So many men are condom-averse. Sigh.
Click to expand...
I'm not a huge fan of them myself, but I'd rather have slightly less enjoyable safe sex than no sex.
 
GuardianNoodle said:
I'm not a huge fan of them myself, but I'm rather have slightly less enjoyable safe sex than no sex.
Click to expand...
It's interesting that you go here, and since we did, let's just also go HERE --> Isn't sex so much more than penetration? I'm not discrediting this part of it, by any means, but in the last several months of really doubling down on safety, my primary partner and I have both concluded that sexual encounters are a much bigger experience than just the part requiring the condom. And as such, the condom therefore becomes a moderate inconvenience, but by no means, for us, a dealbreaker to pleasure.

It has been a long journey in coming to this place and the ever-present inclusion of that x-factor (other people) is a hard reminder of how many aren't here. Now the goal is finding those connections earlier on in the relationship who maybe also approach sex with a similar mindset.
 
Sunshine79 said:
It's interesting that you go here, and since we did, let's just also go HERE --> Isn't sex so much more than penetration? I'm not discrediting this part of it, by any means, but in the last several months of really doubling down on safety, my primary partner and I have both concluded that sexual encounters are a much bigger experience than just the part requiring the condom. And as such, the condom therefore becomes a moderate inconvenience, but by no means, for us, a dealbreaker to pleasure.

It has been a long journey in coming to this place, and the ever-present inclusion of that x-factor (other people) is a hard reminder of how many aren't here. Now the goal is finding those connections earlier on in the relationship that maybe also approach sex with a similar mindset.
Click to expand...
Of course, sexual encounters are more than just penetration. There is a reason I used the word "slightly," since there are so many other parts to sex than just P in V, and the condom really only removes some of the sensation there.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top