anamikanon
New member
Spexy and I have been in an LDR for two years now, progressively getting more and more serious. The LDR is seriously getting on my nerves now. It was easier to be single than to have a partner for a couple of days a month and those days too can be disrupted by meeting other people or the son being difficult and so on.
He has over and over made plans to try and spend more time at home. Made plans to speak at his office and move here for the most part and travel to his city only as needed. We have had an engagement ceremony before our parents. And yet nothing has really changed.
I know it isn't something that can really be helped. There are factors beyond his control too and he isn't one to take hard stands while he can drift along. But I can't help be frustrated. I often overreact to reduced time available to us, trips that don't end with some sense of having had enough time together and so on.
It isn't any single thing. I can take sexual frustration. I absolutely don't mind living on my own. I don't want to crack a whip and force him into hard choices he doesn't feel ready to make.
But the overall uncertainty of it is infuriating. One month we could have a week together, another a couple of days. This time it was a couple of days with his parents present for two out of the three days because of the engagement! He left a bare 12 hours after them and between being tired and my son being hyper excited with everything going on, we didn't even get to say bye properly. So much for being newly engaged.
Some of it is my irritation with the situation beyond his actions - I dislike interacting a lot with people and the engagement was definitely stressful for me. Add to that my one comfort zone seemingly leaving abruptly was enough for me to blow a fuse. I'm not normally needy/clingy by nature, but I'm just having a hard time to find the patience for this situation to resolve at its own speed. It has been over two years like this!
It doesn't help that small sub-goals toward being together more have been missed. For example he was to try and shift here for the greater part of his time by June. That isn't looking possible at all though it isn't June yet. He was supposed to negotiate for this shift to happen. That hasn't panned out for one reason or the other. There is a possibility that he may quit his job toward the end of the year - for reasons unrelated to me - if those get resolved, he could continue like this indefinitely?
I understand that it is just a sucky phase we have to live through and that it will pass. Not worried that our relationship is having problems on the whole, but I'm definitely irritating myself as well as possibly him by losing it over what I see as lack of adequate attention to our relationship.
I don't want to overreact and make a hard situation worse for him. Frankly, I understand how such a big change in life is worth doing right, even if it means a few delays getting it done. But the uncertainty is driving me nuts. I'm a pretty black-and-white person like that. I say what I mean and do it. If I doubt my ability to do it, I don't say I will do it. All these plans and revisions and indecisions are driving me crazy!
Any ideas? Coping strategies?
He has over and over made plans to try and spend more time at home. Made plans to speak at his office and move here for the most part and travel to his city only as needed. We have had an engagement ceremony before our parents. And yet nothing has really changed.
I know it isn't something that can really be helped. There are factors beyond his control too and he isn't one to take hard stands while he can drift along. But I can't help be frustrated. I often overreact to reduced time available to us, trips that don't end with some sense of having had enough time together and so on.
It isn't any single thing. I can take sexual frustration. I absolutely don't mind living on my own. I don't want to crack a whip and force him into hard choices he doesn't feel ready to make.
But the overall uncertainty of it is infuriating. One month we could have a week together, another a couple of days. This time it was a couple of days with his parents present for two out of the three days because of the engagement! He left a bare 12 hours after them and between being tired and my son being hyper excited with everything going on, we didn't even get to say bye properly. So much for being newly engaged.
Some of it is my irritation with the situation beyond his actions - I dislike interacting a lot with people and the engagement was definitely stressful for me. Add to that my one comfort zone seemingly leaving abruptly was enough for me to blow a fuse. I'm not normally needy/clingy by nature, but I'm just having a hard time to find the patience for this situation to resolve at its own speed. It has been over two years like this!
It doesn't help that small sub-goals toward being together more have been missed. For example he was to try and shift here for the greater part of his time by June. That isn't looking possible at all though it isn't June yet. He was supposed to negotiate for this shift to happen. That hasn't panned out for one reason or the other. There is a possibility that he may quit his job toward the end of the year - for reasons unrelated to me - if those get resolved, he could continue like this indefinitely?
I understand that it is just a sucky phase we have to live through and that it will pass. Not worried that our relationship is having problems on the whole, but I'm definitely irritating myself as well as possibly him by losing it over what I see as lack of adequate attention to our relationship.
I don't want to overreact and make a hard situation worse for him. Frankly, I understand how such a big change in life is worth doing right, even if it means a few delays getting it done. But the uncertainty is driving me nuts. I'm a pretty black-and-white person like that. I say what I mean and do it. If I doubt my ability to do it, I don't say I will do it. All these plans and revisions and indecisions are driving me crazy!
Any ideas? Coping strategies?
