Secondary who wants to be a Primary

Inyourendo said:
I agree , I wouldn't want to be with someone who doesn't see me as a priority. I never intended on sam being a co primary but he made it clear from the start that he would not be a secondary, he would not be an afterthought, or accept crumbs. You need to decide what you want and ask gor it and decide if it can't be given whether you want to continue or not. It could bw that maybe you need to have your own primary relationship.
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Reading this, and the proceeding posts, has gotten me to think a little more about my own situation and where I stand with regard to the whole primary vs secondary frame on things which so many people use.

Personally, I just don't like those terms -- they grate against me, feeling like a miss fit. I could not imagine myself ever using these terms about my relationships with people.

I've been OPEN to having another love (beyond my partner of 20 yrs) in my life for so long now, without it actually happening, that I'm becoming doubtful that it ever will happen. And so I feel myself willing to accept something less than what I had once hoped and longed for. The "something less" would be someone else (man, woman, it hardly matters) would be more than a "friends with benefits" (FWB -- as typically practiced) but less than another "primary" -- as it is generally called. I'm open to that. But I'd not use the primary / secondiary terminology. I'd just try and be clear with everyone about my thoughts and feelings..., and I'd hope they'd do the same with me.

I often find myself wanting a physically, even sexually, intmiate companion other than my current long term partner. And the older I get the less interesting "casual sex" is to me. For me, sex is all interwoven with emotional and even "spiritual" intimacy. Always has been. It just doesn't work, for me without sincere affection, trust, warmth.... So the typical FWB thing is pretty unattractive to me.

Sorry to ramble.... I guess I just needed to share that.
 
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