Setting An End Date

The_Earl_Grey

New member
My meta, my partner, and I have recently discussed the idea of setting an "end date" for the relationship between my partner and I. My meta is monogamous. In the past, she has been enthusiastic about sharing her insecurities with us and we worked together as a group to help her feel secure. Recently though she has expressed that she's exceeded her limit for the work she's willing to do to on her jealousy. Our pivot partner has been very honest with me. She has made it no secret that if my meta was ever not able to handle the polyamory, the two of them would return to monogamy rather than break up. The "end date" thing came about as a compromise, something to make the veto easier for my partner and I. We'd set a date for early September, allowing us to enjoy the summer together like we always talked about, and after the agreed-upon date take a break before trying to become friends again. Here are my questions: Have any of you ever done this or something similar? Was it successful for you? Is there a name for it? Do you think it's a good approach, or would just ripping the bandaid off be easier? Thank you for any responses! This is my first post here and I'm still new to poly, so if I've said something wrong, do go easy on me.
 
Here are my questions: Have any of you ever done this or something similar? Was it successful for you? Is there a name for it?

I don't think there's a name for it. I hear the phrase "relationships of a season" sometimes.

But people do it. Like agree to date for a while, and at the end of the summer? That's the end of of the summer romance. Or til college graduation, and then that's the end of the college romance. There can be others with a clear end point -- like dating only while stationed here if one person is military. And parting ways when they eventually get stationed at another duty post. It's ok to enjoy the "season" however long it is and then let it go.

Do you think it's a good approach, or would just ripping the bandaid off be easier?

Only you can answer that. I think if you are all good with it? Enjoy the summer, then break up. Maybe take a month of no contact to have that closure/sepration/definite ending. Then move on to being exes and friends in the new chapter.

While no break up is FUN, there can be a pleasure in sharing a good parting and enjoying something coming to a good close.

Galagirl
 
This is much better than a veto. I kinda keep in touch with a former partner. Our relationship was vetoed by her husband after almost a year. It has been very hard for both of us even after over a yr since the veto.

Teach and I were working toward an end o our relationship. If we could have completed that as you are attempting it would have been much better for us.

I applaud your openness and willingness to honor each other.
 
Hello The_Earl_Grey,

I'm very sorry to hear that you are going to have to break up with your partner. That was not kind, of your meta, to cut you off like that. Nor was it kind for your partner to choose her over you. But in that sense, I guess you are freeing yourself from a person -- from two people -- who don't much care about you. Hopefully in the future you will find a new partner who will be faithfully poly towards you, and not kick you to the curb when a "better" monogamous woman comes along.

I think you are very generous to let this be an amicable parting, and keep seeing your partner until September. Stick to your plan to take a break before trying to become friends again. Use that break to ask yourself, do you even want to be friends with this person? My vote would be no, just be done with him, but I realize you still care about him a great deal, and maybe you even understand why he would date a monogamist. You're stronger than I would be, I think.

Sincerely,
Kevin T.
 
We'd set a date for early September, allowing us to enjoy the summer together like we always talked about, and after the agreed-upon date take a break before trying to become friends again.
Do you mean that you'd spend a romantic summer together, then break up in September?
 
I think this really just depends on you and how you feel. if you can actually enjoy the summer then go for it. If you find that you end up spending too much time dwelling on the upcoming end date and it feels more sad than fun, then just rip the band aid off. You can always agree to TRY to keep going until september, but pull the plug early if need be.
 
A summer romance where you part ways at the end to go back to school or your home country sounds sweet...a relationship that has to end in a couple months because your metamour wants to be monogamous sounds...very painful and frustrating.

On the other hand, if you don't resent your metamour and you appreciate the "grace period" she's giving you and your partner, I guess you could approach like any other relationship that has an expiration date due to someone moving away, etc.
 
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