Shifting to solo poly to hold space for partner who's primary is enacting the one penis policy now.

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daledavis67

New member
I am looking for advice on how to compassionately approach a new relationship, as someone new to trying solo poly, with a desire to hold space for my other partner if/when she works through issues with her primary.
 
So have I got this right..?

You: Dale
New partner: Chip (for convenience sake)

Older partner: Olive
Your metamour from old partner: Popeye

Right now, Popeye has effectively vetoed you dating Olive because of a (new) OPP?

And you're starting to see Chip but want to hold space for Olive in case Popeye gets his jealousy sorted out.

And you're doing solo poly as your preference.

So is it Chip or Olive you need "advice on how to compassionately approach a new relationship" about?
 
So is Chip not familiar with polyamory at all? Or not with solo poly?

Do you think Chip is thinking you'll be mono or hierarchical-primary with them from first "xyz" rather than you doing solo poly?
 
I'm effectively solo poly right now and if I were to meet someone new I'd tell them that I have other people in my life with whom I am or may be intimate.

I told my newest partner this when I met him a handful of months ago now. He is poly so it wasn't a drama. I also committed to spending a regular weekly date night with him so he feels secure and valued. Occasionally we have had to cancel that night, but we communicate about it.

So, be sure to communicate what you can and will offer, and then commit to that as much as logistically possible. There's a good chance your NRE will mean you increase the frequency you see Chip, but that can be difficult when you reduce that again. As solo, it's really worthwhile not overcommitting to any one person even during NRE. Super hard to keep in check though. You might consider it the other way around. You commit to yourself that you will always leave 4(?) nights a week uncommitted to anyone because as solo you need that time for you to do whatever (or whoever) you want to.
 
Hello Dale,

I agree with Evie, communication is the key here. That and try to hold yourself in check when you are experiencing NRE. It will make things simpler later on down the line. Good luck in your new solo poly endeavors.

Regards,
Kevin T.
 
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