fiftyeight
New member
I have written several posts here with my story.
(I'll write succinctly about them here, but you can also see them at http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=70516 and http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=70009)
I have been seeing a girl for about 4 months now,
We have been open from the start, but didn't label it, just said we can see other people, she has slept with 2 guys, my first post was about managing my jealousy and emotions.
After about 3 months she told me she wants to label us as boyfriend/girlfriend, and she wants to be exclusive.
My second post was about how to deal with this issue.
I have thought about it for a while, and decided to first talk to her about how I feel, the truth was that I do not feel I want an exclusive relationship right now, the whole open relationship concept is new to me, and sounds like something I want to try, and I want to be with other women, but I am not sure if I want it permanently at this point, I haven't yet been with someone else since we've started seeing each other.
She was a bit sad to hear that, she wanted an exclusive relationship, and what I said did not fit her expectations.
After about a week she told me that she is willing to continue with being non-exclusive, but she is doing it as a compromise, she does not want it. She is doing it for me, so we can keep being together, and that she doesn't think she will actually be with other people (though my intuition is she will, as in both times she slept with other people in the past, she also said she doesn't think she'll do it.)
As part of this compromise, she is asking for one thing, that before I go and do anything sexual with someone else (which for her means anything more then a kiss pretty much, but we'll clarify that), I talk to her about it.
She does not want to be left in the dark about these things, and telling before makes her feel like she is in the loop.
This is not ideal for me, as I would like to have as much freedom as possible, includinf the freedom of spontaniously sleeping with someone, which is not possible when I have to talk to her before.
But this rule is not the main issue, I can deal with it.
What I am not sure about is whether I should go into this, when she does not really want it. A lot of the advice around the Internet about open relationships says to only go into it if both partners want it.
Though she is consenting to it, and she is an adult.
I am afraid she will grow to resent me, even if she says she is OK with it, since she does not really want it, and it will be painful for her.
A lot of my motivation for an open relationship is that I still have much curiosity and desire for new sexual experiences/adventures.
An alternative is to revert to being friends, and if I am ever past this phase and she still wants to be together, then we can get back together. I am not sure if this will make it easier or harder for her, on one hand she won't be as involved with me so it'll be easier for her when I am with someone else, on the other hand if we do not share as much intimacy, it'll be hard to assure her that I still care about her.
(I'll write succinctly about them here, but you can also see them at http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=70516 and http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=70009)
I have been seeing a girl for about 4 months now,
We have been open from the start, but didn't label it, just said we can see other people, she has slept with 2 guys, my first post was about managing my jealousy and emotions.
After about 3 months she told me she wants to label us as boyfriend/girlfriend, and she wants to be exclusive.
My second post was about how to deal with this issue.
I have thought about it for a while, and decided to first talk to her about how I feel, the truth was that I do not feel I want an exclusive relationship right now, the whole open relationship concept is new to me, and sounds like something I want to try, and I want to be with other women, but I am not sure if I want it permanently at this point, I haven't yet been with someone else since we've started seeing each other.
She was a bit sad to hear that, she wanted an exclusive relationship, and what I said did not fit her expectations.
After about a week she told me that she is willing to continue with being non-exclusive, but she is doing it as a compromise, she does not want it. She is doing it for me, so we can keep being together, and that she doesn't think she will actually be with other people (though my intuition is she will, as in both times she slept with other people in the past, she also said she doesn't think she'll do it.)
As part of this compromise, she is asking for one thing, that before I go and do anything sexual with someone else (which for her means anything more then a kiss pretty much, but we'll clarify that), I talk to her about it.
She does not want to be left in the dark about these things, and telling before makes her feel like she is in the loop.
This is not ideal for me, as I would like to have as much freedom as possible, includinf the freedom of spontaniously sleeping with someone, which is not possible when I have to talk to her before.
But this rule is not the main issue, I can deal with it.
What I am not sure about is whether I should go into this, when she does not really want it. A lot of the advice around the Internet about open relationships says to only go into it if both partners want it.
Though she is consenting to it, and she is an adult.
I am afraid she will grow to resent me, even if she says she is OK with it, since she does not really want it, and it will be painful for her.
A lot of my motivation for an open relationship is that I still have much curiosity and desire for new sexual experiences/adventures.
An alternative is to revert to being friends, and if I am ever past this phase and she still wants to be together, then we can get back together. I am not sure if this will make it easier or harder for her, on one hand she won't be as involved with me so it'll be easier for her when I am with someone else, on the other hand if we do not share as much intimacy, it'll be hard to assure her that I still care about her.
