Small Apartment Woes

[Jess.figuring.it.out]

Hello all,

My nesting partner and I moved into a small apartment in November. When we moved in, we set new boundaries for the new apartment because it’s smaller than our last place. This meant creating a boundary around having partners over and when/when not being appropriate for sex. We decided that we would not have sex with other partners while the other one of us was home because it’s just too small.

This weekend, my partner has his other partner over and they decided to have sex while I was right upstairs. This apartment is so small that I heard everything. I feel hurt. When I confronted them about it it was “You should have set boundaries around this.” And mostly blaming me. But I did, the boundary was not respected. Also, I feel like this is slightly common sense.

Am I wrong? What boundaries do you set around having other partners over in a small place?

 

[kdt26417]

Hello Jess.figuring.it.out,

It sounds to me like you and your nesting partner agreed not to have sex with other partners when you were both home, and then your nesting partner conveniently forgot about that agreement. I guess from now on you'll have to put your agreements in writing, and hang them on the fridge. I do think it was rude of your (nesting) partner to break that rule, even if he forgot about the rule.

With sympathy,
Kevin T.

 

[Jess.figuring.it.out]

Hello Jess.figuring.it.out,

It sounds to me like you and your nesting partner agreed not to have sex with other partners when you were both home, and then your nesting partner conveniently forgot about that agreement. I guess from now on you'll have to put your agreements in writing, and hang them on the fridge. I do think it was rude of your (nesting) partner to break that rule, even if he forgot about the rule.

With sympathy,
Kevin T.

Thank you. I appreciate it.

 

[Magdlyn]

Yes. You and your partners are adults. I assume you weren't pressuring him to not have sex with his OSO in your small apartment. He can't just blame you, like you're an authority forcing him to not do something.

On the other hand, if you both agree on a certain guideline that isn't actually practical, it's going to be difficult to stick to it. If he can't control himself, perhaps he shouldn't have his OSO over at all, unless you're out.