Small-town ENM: balancing ex (co-parent) and new partner

[GalaGirl]

Glad you had the conversation with L, and have ended it more firmly, and there's no more of this "casual sex" thing you were doing together as exes. It drags out the break-up and doesn't give emotional clarity. Best to be cordial coparents only and not be lovers anymore. If you don't need the paycheck, you might phase out working at his restaurant on weekends too. He doesn't need to be your restaurant boss any more.

Clearer roles and clearer boundaries with each other, rather than all these "fuzzy" overlapping things.

But the encounter with E was very meaningful. We talked, laughed, caught up, and spent time together in a very natural way. There was closeness again, and also physical intimacy.

Does that mean you shared sex with your ex E?

At the same time, I also see things more clearly now, if I do end up wanting to build something with E, and if he wants that too, I think I would want it to start as a visible and closed relationship. Not because I suddenly stopped being polyamorous, but because I can see that if we want something real and stable, we would first need to build the foundations of trust, safety, and communication between us.

I disagree. If you want to be poly, it is best to leave it that way. If trying to reboot with E doesn't pan out because E doesn't want polyamory, you aren't out anything. You two are already broken up. Then, the same as with L, you firm it up with E. No more casual sex/fuzzy boundaries.

Promising E a closed thing for now and then changing to poly dating later is not going to work. You already did a version of that with L and had all the rocky emotions that came with that approach. Plus it might feel like an emotional "bait and switch" to E, and that would ding trust.

I know you will probably tell me that I should stay single for a while… I know that’s probably true. But I have always followed my heart. It is very hard for me to go against it. In fact, that is probably exactly what brought me to this point.

Why can't it go both head and heart together, rather than only head/logic or only heart/emotion?

Galagirl