Smelling the flowers

[Petunia]

Our meeting with the contractor on Friday afternoon didn't go well. He knew our budget and he's over by $41,000. He said he'd break things out so we could see where things are out of line so we can make some decisions. From what he's said the electrical is way out there. He's unsure why. It's been a frustrating process, because the subcontractors don't want to show you the cost of say flooring, so you don't really know the price/sq. ft or the installation costs. Because we knew the cabinetry costs we were able to meet with that vendor and switch to their second tier line for a projected savings of 20-25%. Our GC was supposed to get us some numbers yesterday, but we didn't hear a word. I sent him an email today and still no word. I really hate to walk away from this GC without trying to work towards a compromise.

Bond broke his little toe at Beatdown on Sunday. I had been shopping (something I rarely do) and before heading home I replied to a text he had sent me earlier. He then told me that they were on their way to Urgent Care to have it checked out. I just happened to be right up the street from the Urgent Care he was heading to. I didn't even know this place existed and here I was right by it. I pulled in and they pulled in behind me. Amazing timing all the way around. Beatdown is held about 20+ minutes away. Still shaking my head over it.

X-rays showed a fracture and not just out of socket, so we're taping it and icing it to keep the swelling down. He's got one of those sexy, stiff, flat, blue boots to wear. I've been babying him and he's very appreciative. He said that his ex had no time for that kind of care.

So now that he's a gimpy guy our mini-vacation plans for midweek are all up in the air. We can't hike or do anything that involves much walking or standing. I'm not sure if we're even going to take two days now. It may only be one day. I really, really needed this mini-vacation and I'm pretty disappointed. His boys are with their mother in Indiana visiting their grandparents until Friday, so this was our getaway window. She's bringing them back on Friday, because heaven forbid she ever has them on the weekend. Grr.

I need a freakin kid-free weekend once in awhile. Bond says we can ask for that if we want a weekend every so often and I am considering proposing to him that we request to have a free weekend every three months. A full weekend, too. Not just a Saturday night. I mean where the kids are with her from after school on Friday and leave from her house for school Monday morning. We've been together for over a year in a half and we've never gotten away just the two of us and we've never had more than one night kid-free on a weekend night. The only times she's had them on the weekend is when we've hosted an adult party and then it's just been part of the day and that night and they are back the next day. I think that's happened three times.

I'm so achy today. I think it's from sleeping awkwardly now that Bond's foot is hurt. He wants me close, but has changed his normal position to accommodate the broken toe and it pushes me into unusual contortions in the middle of the night. Feeling old.

Work has been relentless. I have been fielding so many questions and so many demands related to data that I feel I'm constantly being sidetracked from things on my to-do list. Another reason why a few days away would be beneficial to help clear my mind.

Whew, I'm whiny today!

 

[Petunia]

Positive thing: my son graduated from Air Assault school.

 

[Petunia]

We did take the two day mini-vacation and it was perfect. Well, it would have been more perfecter if it had been longer, or a full two days, but it was really fantabulous!!!

Bond had a podiatrist appointment Wednesday morning so our departure time was around 1 PM. We decided to go to Door County. I think Door County is my favorite place in Wisconsin. It's the "Martha's Vineyard of the Midwest." We arrived in Fish Creek close to 6:00 pm and we were getting hungry. I have always wanted to try the fish boil and Bond was feeling in the mood for seafood, so he was game for the fish boil. We did a quick online search and found a highly reviewed restaurant a few blocks away. Our timing was perfect, because we were the last two to get onto the seating for the 6:30 pm boil. Because we were some of the last to come out to watch the boil we were towards the back of the group which meant we had the easiest access to claiming an outdoor table following the burn off.

We hadn't made lodging reservations because we weren't certain it was going to be more than a day trip and also because Bond was nervous about trying to sleep in a strange bed with his broken toe. Seems silly, but when one is hurt we tend to worry about things we normally wouldn't. I had suggested we bring overnight things with us just in case. I knew it was a long drive and it was likely we wouldn't feel up to driving all the way back. I also knew how enticing Door County is and I had a feeling that he'd want to stay up there if it was possible to find lodging for the night. Somewhere along the way Bond was won over and decided that yes, he'd like to stay, so after dinner we started to find a room. The first three places we tried, all within a few blocks of the restaurant, were booked, but an inn across the street from the restaurant had vacancies according to their website reservation system - and even had a 15% discount for booking late. We crossed the street to check in-person. We were met by the proprietor, a hipster-looking dude, whom we never learned the name of, so we called him Bob (Newhart). He handed us a room key and had us check out the room before making a decision to stay. This place was rather cute and old-worldly in many respects. It reminded Bond of his years in England as a kid.

The itty bitty bed. We had to practice synchronized sleeping. "Okay, all together now, roll on your left side!"

Bob asked us if we had things we wanted to do on our visit and we told him that we'd like to do the Adventure Rafting. (Something I found online using Tripadvisor.) He said that the wife of the man who ran that worked there and was in the bar right then. (Seriously!) When we went for our bags he asked her if there were openings on Thursday. On our return he let us know that she advised checking the website, because it books quickly at this time of year. So, when I got to our room I booked seats for us for the next day at 12:30 pm. After we got settled we went down to the bar, ordered a couple of beers and played a marble game which we were incredibly bad at. LOL

Marble game:

Sleeping was rather challenging for a number of reasons. Mainly it was an itty bitty bed, or seemed so to us, because we're used to a king sized bed. But equally and maybe more so, because it was a street facing room, so we had street lamp light coming in and also because there are windows above the room doors. This must have been an early 1900's thing, because I've never seen such a thing before. Having our eye masks along would have been a really, really good idea. We're used to sleeping in a room with blackout drapes, so this kind of felt like sleeping under a spotlight.

In the morning I told Bond, speaking more into the pillow over my face than directly, that I'm not made for a life of crime as all they'd have to do is sleep deprive me and then shine a spotlight at me and I'd be confessing to everything, all the way from the bubble gum I stole at age five to blowing up the Hindenburg.

Wacky windows above the bedroom doors:

Speaking of pillows, theirs sucked. Seriously bad pillows. Like stiff, flat blocks. Sob. I always travel with my own pillows, much to Twitch's annoyance, so this time I talked myself into leaving them at home and trusting that I'd be fine with whatever pillows we ended up with. Lies! They were so awful. And it's crazy, right? I mean, what place goes to such lengths to have such nice bedding and amenities like plush bathrobes and then skimps on the pillows?

Plush guest robes:

In the morning we ate on the veranda. It was complimentary and done so well. There were tiny, powdered sugar covered donut holes, plain yogurt in small glass canning jars with glass lids that were held in place by metal clamps, not the bail jar lids. English muffins, jellies in tiny jars, fresh fruit, and hard boiled eggs. Totally adorable and just the atmosphere to make one tempted to speak more properly and sit straighter and overall try to lend an air that one is more sophisticated than they really are. We did our best to retain our poor posture and everyday lack of importance.

We checked out a few of the shops that were close by, before starting up the peninsula for our raft tour. Bond's toe was really making its presence known, so he wasn't up for much walking. Because I've been to Door County before I was on the lookout for the goats on the roof. Bond loved them!

The water raft tour was fantastic. So much fun!!! The Captain plays loud classic rock and opens up the boat to some impressive speeds. He is very knowledgeable about the area and showed us pictographs on the side of the rock at the base of a cliff on the north side of Death's Door passage, and showed us ship wreckage from an 1871 shipwreck of the Grapeseed.

He took us past Washington Island, Plum Island and Pilot Island. Pilot Island is the smallest and until the 1960's was manned by a lighthouse keeper and his assistant. It was a pretty desolate life. Today the birds have taken over the island and their poop has killed the trees.

We headed for home as soon as we finished the tour so we could make it back in time for dinner with B and Ginge. (more on that later)

It was such a perfect mini-vacation. Everything fell in place perfectly, almost magically.

 

[Petunia]

Tired. OMG Tired. I wasn't ready for sleep last night, but Bond was unusually tired early, so my plans for sex went out the window and it took me forever to fall asleep. I think we haven't had sex since last Tuesday when we were with B. I'm not made for going that long without sex. It was a high pain night so I didn't sleep well. I spent 30 minutes on Facebook at 5:30 am, before falling back to sleep. I was not ready to get up when the alarm went off.

Last night I was ready to have a household discussion about Golden leaving his kids and taking off for the day or overnight without asking us to watch them, or even giving us a heads-up half the time, but Bond was too tired to start something. Golden and one of his gf's (GF-1) had gotten home shortly after his daughter's bedtime, so my mind was buzzing with the things I wanted to say.

Lately he tells the kids that they are responsible for themselves and leaves. Lovely situation for us as now we are dealing with a 10 or 13 year old who feels that they don't have to listen to Bond or me. (He only has one of his kids at a time, so it's never the two of them at once. ) Plus, kids that age, especially Beanie who is only 10, need assistance with things and adult interaction. She's a kid for goodness sake!

The Friday before last he set his son up with steak to cook and left around 5:30 pm for the night at his GF's. She lives an hour and 15 minutes away. He sent Bond and me a text saying he'd be back in the morning. We left the house the next day after lunch time and he wasn't back yet, so we took his son along with us hiking and then to the festival we were going to. Golden got back to town around 1:45 pm and spent the rest of the day being productive around the house in an unspoken attempt to make things up to us. The thing is, we don't mind having his kids with us, but sometimes it's not possible to fit everyone in one car, depending upon if all three of Bond's boys are going with us. And that weekend my daughter had my car, so we didn't have the option of taking two cars.

This past Friday night he spent the night at GF-2's house. When we came in the door at 7:30 pm Beanie greeted us with asking what was for dinner. Hmm, hungry kid.

Then there is the whole bedtime issue. With Bond's middle son turning 13 recently his bedtime has moved back to 10 pm. This has caused angst with Golden's kids, because it used to be that all the younger kids, other than Bond's 15 year old, had the same bedtime. (Golden's son turns 13 this week and I believe his bedtime will also shift as a result.) Bond's youngest and Golden's youngest are both 10 years old. Bond's youngest gets to stay up until 9:30 pm on the weekend nights. So, Saturday night we tell the younger two that it's time for bed and Beanie is all like, "When is S2 going to bed?" I tell her that is not her concern. It's her bedtime and that's all she needs to worry about. Well, right then she pulls out the you're-not-the-boss-of-me attitude and sends her father a text. He tells her she can stay up until the boys go to bed. Which she flaunts at me. I walk to my bedroom and send a group text that includes Bond, Golden and me, saying that "S3 and Beanie were told to go to bed. Beanie seems to feel that if S2 gets to stay up that she should be able to also. She sent you a text and you said yes?!"

He then said, "I told Beanie she could stay up with the 'boys'. Beanie is [h]oping for the later time...I will text Beanie to go to her room at the same time as S3."

Bond: "The 'boys' are not staying up. The teenagers are. S3 is in bed."

Golden: "Yes. Agreed. I forgot that S2 and S1 have different bed times (even from each other) Having three different bed times for 5 kids feels overwhelming, compared to my one bedtime for my kids..."

Bond: "I don't find it overwhelming. It's just based on age."

Golden: "I understand."

Me: "I think if it's made clear to each kid what their bedtime is (weeknight and weekend times) then we can avoid push back from them."

Golden: "Let's talk about this face to face tomorrow."

I think Golden got home sometime close to 10 am Saturday morning.

No discussion happened.

Saturday evening I overheard GF-1 talking to Beanie about watching GF-1's dog while they were gone and how she has to be responsible and all that. When I heard her mention something about bedtime I was like, "What? What a minute" in my head. When GF-1 came into the kitchen I asked her if they planned on being out for the rest of the evening. She said they may be. I was like, really? Because Golden has not asked us to watch Beanie or mentioned anything. And in fact there has been a lot of that happening. She must have said something to him in the car, because they were only gone a few minutes before they returned to the house and spent the evening with us. Beanie visibly brightened.

Sunday morning Golden announced that he and GF-1 were going to the grocery store, because he was going to make chicken in the slow cooker for dinner because he and GF-1 had dinner plans with friends that night. (Neither Bond nor I understand his logic that by making dinner for the family he's free to leave his child without asking us to watch her.)

They left the house at 1:30 pm for Beatdown practice and didn't return until after Beanie's bedtime. Basically, he decided he was taking a day for himself and he left his 10 year old for the entire day and evening to "tend to herself".

That night Beanie took one look at what was on the table for dinner and declared that she didn't like any of it. I told her to sit down (general household rule is that you don't have to eat, but you need to sit with the family and visit) and she turned and walked out of the room. Sigh. Fine. Then later she decided to make spaghetti, which I had to assist her with twice.

A few minutes before her weeknight bedtime I sent a text to Golden asking what time he wanted her in bed and he said 8:30 and said he'd text her. She didn't have her iPod by her, so I had to have her go get it to confirm. She then wanted to stay up because her show wasn't over and sent texts to her father. Meanwhile she's responsible for GF-1's little dog, so I had to explain to her that dogs expect to be taken out to potty before bedtime, so she'd need to do that before bed, too. When she was ready to do that she came to me and asked if I'd go out with her, because it was dark. So, yes, I went with her to the backyard and we pottied Zeus together. None of these are big things, but they reinforce that she's a child and she needs supervision and assistance.

There once was a time when he'd be sure to be back to the house by 6 or 7 am if he was gone overnight and he'd check with us to make sure we planned on being home and that we were fine with watching his kid.

He's really turning into a crappy parent.

 

[PinkPig]

I'm sorry, Petunia. That is stressful. And unfair to Beanie and Golden's son. I'd be inclined to start charging him for babysitting!

 

[Reverie]

I don't even have kids but that sounds so messed up! I wasn't allowed to stay at home alone for even a few hours until I was 12, and my mom made sure I could complete a few meals myself by then. She never would have left me overnight! If he considers it "safe" to do that just because there are other adults in the house, then yes, you are babysitting, and it should be acknowledged and, as Pink Pig said, perhaps even compensated. You can't just leave kids that young to fend for themselves. Even I know that!

 

[Petunia]

I'm sorry, Petunia. That is stressful. And unfair to Beanie and Golden's son. I'd be inclined to start charging him for babysitting!

I don't even have kids but that sounds so messed up! I wasn't allowed to stay at home alone for even a few hours until I was 12, and my mom made sure I could complete a few meals myself by then. She never would have left me overnight! If he considers it "safe" to do that just because there are other adults in the house, then yes, you are babysitting, and it should be acknowledged and, as Pink Pig said, perhaps even compensated. You can't just leave kids that young to fend for themselves. Even I know that!

Thanks, ladies. I agree that he's trying to say they are "on their own", while also relying on the fact that there are adults present. He can't have it both ways. I'll be glad when the day arrives and he no longer lives with us. I had thought we were getting closer to that day, but then his ex found something that didn't agree with her in their divorce agreement, so things have been postponed.

It sucks that we won't have an opportunity to have a discussion about this tonight. We're all going to Polycocktails tonight, not as a group, but we're all attending nonetheless, and tomorrow night he has GF-2 on the calendar. Perhaps we'll find time before her arrival at 8 pm. Otherwise, I'm not sure when it can happen as he has something happening every night this week.

 

[IndieSolo]

It sounds like GF1 is influencing him somehow and he's justifying to himself that it's okay to take advantage of your and Bond's good nature. It also sounds like quite a turnaround from how involved with his kids he used to be - is he using dating as an escape, sort of like a drug?

 

[Petunia]

I'm not sure if it's GF-1 or if he's just tired of never having a break from his kids. He's prone to being delusional about things and can talk himself into believing just about anything. Whatever the case, we need to have a household meeting and talk it out.

 

[Petunia]

Health stuff: I switched primary doctors recently and I got to meet my new doctor on the 9th. I'm ambivalent about the new one, but she's definitely a warmer person than the previous one, so that's a win. I hit her up for a lot of issues, and it seems upon review that she covered about 90% of what I brought up. Not too shabby, but not 100%. I'm having more and more sciatica pain the further I get from when I had back surgery and quite frankly it scares the crap out of me. She's setting me up to see a specialist. Sometimes I wish I hadn't changed insurance providers so I could go back to the doctors I'm familiar with.

The WTF issue today is that I got my period. Damn it. I thought I had aged out of that, but evidently not. I had an endometrial ablation four (?) years ago, so I usually don't have a period and when I have had one it's been very random and far between. I had thought I was most likely in menopause by now so I really wasn't expecting to have another period. Makes me cranky to have to deal with this. Ugh.

My daughter is having a really rough time lately. Twitch went in with me to buy her a car, but it's not enough to keep her mobile. Her health is such crap that keeping a job is never easy, which means that I'm always giving her money to make ends meet. It's so depressing for her.

Kitchen remodel: we hired a general contractor on Friday. The numbers lined up just right with his quote and our cabinets and countertop, so it was a done deal. Contract signed!

Today we met with our cabinets guy to go over everything one last time. He's going to double check things and then submit the order. The cabinets take 5 weeks, so we'll need to demo the kitchen in about 3-4 weeks, depending on when the GC plans to start with his part. We have made most of our material selections, but still need to make a decision on the vent-a-hood style and some of the detail of the backsplash tile. Oh, and paint color, but that should be easy peasy because we're either going with white or a very light gray.

B may be moving. Actually, I'm fairly certain that it's a for sure thing. It'll be sad for her to not be on the lake, but she's looking at the bright side instead of being mired in sadness about it. One of the pluses is that she'll only be about 5 minutes away from us compared to 20 minutes like she is now. Another thing she has pointed out is that the lake house needs a lot of work and the new place is quite nice. But it's on a busy road in a subdivision. Pluses and minuses.

 

[Petunia]

Lordy I was sick last week! A rotten cold that had me in bed for three days. So, let's see I got my period and a nasty cold. And to add icing to the top of that shittasticness, no sex. Seriously, I think we had one quicky in the past week. I do not do well when sex takes a hiatus. I made advances yesterday, but was rebuffed, which really put me into an emotional tailspin. We talked it this morning, so I expect we'll be having sex tonight. But I hate it when we have sex simply because I'm upset that we haven't had sex. It makes me feel like we're only having it to make me happy and not because my partner is feeling like minded and wants to have sex also. Fuck that.

Okay, enough about that.

We bought a new washer and dryer on Saturday. Totally took me by surprise. We stopped into the Furniture and Appliance Mart where we are getting our kitchen appliances to talk to them about a Vent-a-hood and to pet our SubZero refrigerator. Before leaving Bond wanted to swing by their clearance section to look at washer and dryers, because he has this theory that ours are going to die once we go through the effort of moving them to their new location in the basement. He thinks they are probably original to the house which would put them around 25 years old. Our saleslady overheard him and redirected us to a great deal they had going on an LG set. The two together were $902 off of regular price. We've set delivery for October 8th. That'll give us a couple of weeks to get the plumbing and electrical in for them. The washer tub is huge! It's definitely big enough to wash a king-sized comforter.

I've got myself in kind of a pickle. Ginge texted me Thursday night asking if I'd go out with him Saturday to have fun and not talk about his emotional state. I agreed, but since then he and B have degressed to not talking. At his request she went to him to his therapy session on Thursday and things went from bad to worse between them. Right I don't feel comfortable going out with him as a friend when he and my girlfriend are at this point. It's too soon. Maybe once things stabilize, but right now it's too soon. I need to tell him and I'm afraid it's going to unleash a torrent of crap from him. God, this is so shitty that our friendship has taken this turn.

I get my hair done tonight and then I better get laid or I'm really going to be nonfunctional tomorrow.

 

[Petunia]

Today Bond put 1/4th down on the cabinets, which means they will be ordered. I am waiting to hear what the turnaround time on them is, but if I remember correctly it's something like 5-6 weeks. It's finally happening!

I canceled on Ginge for this coming Saturday. I simply told him I had to cancel and asked if we could reschedule for November. I did it because I'm so uncomfortable about the whole situation and because it bothered B that he had asked me to go out with him. She felt that he was overstepping because I'm her girlfriend. Personally, I just wanted to avoid an uncomfortable night. If he had included Bond in the invitation it would have felt a lot different, but he singled me out and that made it feel icky. So, once that was decided and before I actually sent him a text we all (Bond, B, and me) made plans to go to fetish night on Saturday night - the same night Ginge wanted me to go out with him. Well, as my miserable luck would have it I learned last night that he is going to the same event now. Not with us, but he let B know he's planning on going. I am going to feel like an ass. Actually, I have decided that if he presses me on it, I am simply going to tell him that I was uncomfortable with the situation. It's the truth. It felt off and I didn't want to do it.

Tonight I am taking my daughter grocery shopping. She is having an incredibly hard time with life right now. Yesterday she decided she was going to try panhandling to see if she could get enough money to buy groceries for this weekend when she has her son. All I can say is that there are some pretty vile people in this world. There were also some who were compassionate, but the ones who were nasty were so extreme it was shocking.

I don't think people have any obligation to give to panhandlers. That's not what I'm saying. But people should not go out of their way to be cruel. A semi-driver pulled into the grocery store parking lot just so he could get out of his truck to yell at her while he recorded her and his tirade on his cell phone. She called me crying hysterically afterwards. She'd already been having what certainly qualifies as one of the worst days of her life and that's a pretty tough list to get on with all the things she's had happen. She had been sending me texts throughout the day saying how awful she felt panhandling, how low she felt, but she was desperate so she was out there enduring the humiliation.

It breaks my heart.

I don't know how much longer I can continue to fund her life. Before it was basically her living costs that I was covering, but now it's her and her boyfriend's. His work is so sporadic that they have no stability and her health is so crappy that her employment is always patchy. I feel like I'm pouring water into a sieve. I am having a hard time covering my bills and keeping her afloat.

Sunday I'm going to go see my youngest son. I miss that kid. Last Sunday he canceled on me, because he was sick. Monday he went into the campus nurse and he had strep, sinus infection, and mono.

My middle son had a tooth extracted today. Sunday when I texted with him he was in extreme pain and couldn't really text because he was in too much pain. Monday he started antibiotics and today they pulled the tooth.

From the sounds of it, we're a bunch of sickies.

 

[Petunia]

Oh, Monday, you arrive so quickly. I feel unprepared for your arrival and really wish I had a day at home to deal with things instead of going to work.

Friday night I took my daughter grocery shopping. She was late leaving her apartment and sent a rhetorical text/question, "Why do I suck so much?" It breaks my heart to know she thinks of herself this way. I am trying to counter these comments in an attempt to get her to see herself in a better light. She was freezing as we went through the meat and dairy departments. She's always cold, though, so I wasn't that surprised. But she started saying how bad she was feeling and had us stop walking at one point because she was worried she was going to throw up. She didn't want to go to the restroom, so we continued on after a bit. She had us cut the second half short and checkout. I wanted her to grab a job application before we left the store, so I reminded her to go grab one as we were checking out. She looked like hell, so before she went to the counter I tucked her hair smooth under her hoodie and oh, my god she was burning up. Like a very serious fever. I feel so bad for her, because this is rather typical in her life. So typical that a person starts to think it's just in her head when she says she doesn't feel well. She's so thin these days. I looked at her from the other end of an aisle as we were shopping and her pants look so huge on her. They pucker at the waist and sag, but also puff out on her behind. She told me earlier last week that he face was breaking out just horribly and she didn't know why, so she was attributing it to stress. So, here is this beautiful girl that looks like she's on drugs because she's gaunt and her face is covered in scabs from breakouts. It's so hard to see her like this.

I cried half the way home. She's 30 and she's been struggling ever since she was 19. She's gone nowhere, she's done nothing and her future looks incredibly hopeless and bleak.

Last night she started texting me that she is starting to see that her relationship with her boyfriend is not in her best interest. He blames her for everything, won't talk through issues, and offers no support. He doesn't help her with the things he should, and on and on. I know it's hard for her to admit these things, because she really loves him, but I'm so relieved that she is seeing the relationship for what it is and that she is not continuing to plan a future with him. She is now making plans to move up north to where our family lives. Last night the mother of her half-brother contacted her about getting her into a sewing factory she works at and my nephew has told her she can live with him (they were best friends growing up) and his dad will store her furniture. Things seem to be coming together, but by doing this she will be moving away from her son and that's hard for me to see happen. She is hoping she can have him on holidays and the summer. She just has to get her ex-husband to agree now and he's never agreeable.

I made it to Oshkosh to visit my youngest son yesterday. He is such a great kid. He's personable and funny and really kind hearted. He really has his life in order, well, for the most part. He does do stupid things, like not tell me (until much later) that he needs a fee paid at school in order to register for classes, which in turn caused other issues. But in general he has a can-do attitude and he really does adulting very well. He and seven of his closest bros are renting a huge house this year - thanks to him, and it's really fabulous. They are all so proud of it and have set things up nicely for a bunch of college kids. They have two sectional sofas in the living room and have even gone to Goodwill to buy pictures to hang. Tay made a giant dining room table from a sheet of plywood which he stained and framed out. The landlord is quite impressed. The house was built by a lumber baron. It has three fireplaces, two staircases, I lost track of how many bathrooms, actual dressing rooms and built in dressers in many of the rooms. The dining room has wood paneling that goes up to 5' or so and all the walls have vintage wall paper. It's an old beauty that could really use a restoration, but even in her old state she is still remarkable.

Taylor lived directly across the street from this house two years ago. It had been occupied by a church group for years. The church group would set up on the lawn with free hotdogs on game nights, figuring that the college kids would be drinking and it would be better if they had some food in them.

One day when Taylor and two friends were driving past he saw a For Rent sign in the lawn, so he made his friend pull over and he got the number and called. The landlord wasn't keen on renting to guys, wanted to rent to girls, but after talking to Tay he was won over. The kids are really proud and he said that they have had a lot of their families visit - which they love.

It was a beautiful day and he took me out on the water in his boat. It was so nice to get out on the water. It restores something inside a person. I think that I'm tuned into that from having grown up with lakes all around me and my kids are the same. Water and hiking really work their magic on a person.

I woke up to a Facebook post by my middle son saying that someone tried to break into their house this morning, but the dogs scared the intruder away. That's scary!

Bond mentioned that he brought in a lot of mail last night, because evidently no one grabbed it on Saturday. I opened an ominous letter from an insurance company saying that we owe their client $6,000 for the car accident Megan had last month. They said that our insurance company said the car wasn't insured, which it was. I believe that they didn't find the right policy because it's in Twitch's name. But I'm also wondering if we're liable as she wasn't ticketed and their is no report. I need to make some calls - however, I can't quite get myself to face it this morning.

Fun did happen this weekend. It wasn't all down and sad. Wil was visiting and we all went to L & L. I've never had so much fun at L & L before. Bond and I were talking about that last night. Maybe in part we were more relaxed and felt like we had all of our people with us and we know so many people that attend, so that added to the whole relaxed feel, but also we are more settled with each other and with B. We all danced towards the end of the night and that was silly and fun. Wil wore a 70's outfit that he bought in Scotland and it was pretty superb. I found time between cooking dinner, eating, and going out to run to the mall and buy some pants that I could wear with my killer boots, so I felt sexy and incredibly tall. LOL

Ginge and I spent some time chatting and it felt really good. He texted me this AM to say how much he enjoyed it and wished me a good week.

Bond is still in crunch mode at work, but today was a big day they have been working towards so things may lighten somewhat until they hit their next big day in two weeks. This morning S3 sent him a video of a space gun he wants to make for a Halloween costume and it's complex to make. Bond feels bad telling him that he won't have time to make it, but it's the truth and I really wanted him to be clear to S3 that it will not happen. He tends to soften his responses to the point that the kids are unsure if it's a possibility or totally off the table and that's not fair. I think they do much better having a clear answer, even if it's not what they want to hear.

Oh, sweet comment (that was probably aided by alcohol) from Wil to me when we were at L & L was that he really likes me and he thinks I'm really good for Bond and that I'm a "good influence". I was quite perplexed by what he meant by "good influence", and Bond thinks I'm good for him because I get him out socializing and I'm good for home structure for the kids and him, and so on. He had no trouble with coming up with ways that I'm a good influence, whereas I was baffled because I'm unaware of the ways I'm influencing him.

Oh, now I'm pulling things together...Wil and I had been talking earlier that day. Our conversation was cut short due to S2 joining us at the dining room table, so things were left unfinished. We were talking about Bond's wife, Nyad, breaking up with Wil two years ago and then breaking up with Bond a month later, and then Bond's gf dying a week later. That lead me to asking him if my perception that she is very selfish/self-centered was accurate or not. That I had an enlightening moment that the kids' selfishness isn't solely that they are kids, but that their mother does the same exact thing with Bond, so it's more of a learned behavior. He said, that yes, he has become more aware of this since their relationship ended. He said he looks back and cringes, because he doesn't want to be the person he had become with her and yes, he can see that with how she is with Bond, too. And then he said, "He's just such a nice guy. He's so easy going and nothing much gets to him." Yes, a thousand times, yes! Wil has known Bond for 20 years and he truly knows him. They have a son together (S3) and you don't enter into something like that if you don't trust that person and admire them through and through. Even though I know this about Bond, it's so nice to hear it from someone like Wil, too. Bond is one in a million and I'm so grateful that I have him in my life. And his wife is very spoiled and she has a tendency to take advantage of Bond when it suits her!

OUR CABINETS ARE OFFICIALLY BEING ORDERED TODAY!

 

[Petunia]

Both Bond and B have been dealing with colds this week. I'm not sure if they caught the virus from me, as they both started feeling symptoms two weeks to the day that I started getting sick and that seems like a long time for a virus to percolate. A co-worker also started getting sick on Tuesday, but he's blaming another co-worker that came down with the cold the weekend after I did. I'm pretty certain I made her sick, but she thinks her symptoms were different, so different virus. I am skeptical.

Anyhow, I've got two sickies and it's really poor timing as B is in the middle of moving and has to push on through regardless of running a fever and intense sinus pressure and now chest crapola. Bond has mostly had a rotten throat, although he started coughing yesterday and has very little energy by the end of day this week. His work schedule is intense right now and he's been working until 8 or later every night this week, except for our Tuesday date night with B.

B and WP are moving their furniture to the new house today. I wish I was off of work to help them. Tomorrow they are going to a water park for their daughter's b-day, so they are pushing to get things done today. They have a lot of things to do the house they are moving out of before the end of the month, so time is precious.

Yesterday the plumber installed the hook-up for the washing machine in the new location in the basement and this morning the electrician was there at 8 am to run the power. Some time today the GC has someone coming to put the vent in, and tomorrow the new washer and dryer will be delivered. I'm pretty excited about it, because this is step one to kicking off the renovation.

Step one to getting Golden out of the house happened yesterday, too. He drew up a lease for Bond to sign and Bond had him change it to 6 months instead of a year. He needed this for his divorce settlement to prove his cost of living. He has no idea that the time frame is real. Bond is going to have a discussion with him to make sure he's clear on that. I'm so relieved that this is finally happening. There are many instances when it's nice to have someone at the house for things like letting in the plumber, but quite frankly he's not doing the things he was supposed to be doing in exchange for living there. He used to be really on top of things and made life easier for the most part, but that's gone by the wayside. Now it is more irritation than fair exchange of services.

Twitch called our insurance agent and confirmed that we do have liability on the older vehicles. I'm unsure why Wisconsin Mutual told the other party that the car wasn't insured, but hopefully we'll get that cleared up today. I'm so grateful to Twitch for stepping up and handling this when I asked. He didn't harp or lecture at all, which is a minor miracle.

This weekend will be jammed packed. I may have put too many things on my to-do list. I would like to do some cooking/prepping for freezer meals that I can have ready for the Instant Pot pressure cooker. My plan to get through this remodel is to lean heavily on the Instant Pot. Discovering the method of doing freezer meals for the IP was a lightbulb moment for me. I'll be able to concentrate prep work for multiple recipes at once, compose the raw ingredients needed for per recipe in Ziploc bags, freeze the bags inside a round container smaller than the IP). It'll be as easy as selecting an entree from the freezer, popping it in the IP and having it done in 30 minutes or less. No messy prepping and related clean up. My friend, Michelle, offered up her kitchen space for prep days once we're into the remodel, so I'll be able to continue right through this remodel using this method. That and premade, frozen, convenience foods, plus deli items and I think we'll manage. That and a shit ton of paper products. Sorry, environment!

Other to-do things include swinging by the recycling center for boxes, shopping for groceries for the epic cooking session, checking out the meat sale at UW Provisions, sanding and apply one final coat of polyurethane to the sliding barn door, and starting to pack up the dinette cabinets so we can empty the space. I'd also like to attend "Movies on the Lawn" at a friend's house Saturday night.

Today my old boss is coming for lunch. We wanted to take her to lunch before her retirement, but there wasn't time in her schedule, so today we're doing it. Her life has been crazy busy since she retired. She moved her parents into a retirement community, went on vacation, and her daughter had a baby. She sent pics when the baby was born and I can't believe how wonderful she looks - retirement suits her well.

 

[Petunia]

Saturday started bright and early. The delivery guys were at our place by 7:45 am, and WP was by at 8 am to pick up the furniture we're giving to B.

I love our new washer and dryer. Sweet machines! Like dorks we stood there and watched the washer run through a load of laundry...after we watched it run through a full cycle empty. Yep, watched it both times. The lid is see-through and there are water jets in the bottom and also on the upper back rim. It was fun to see it move the clothes around. And bless his heart, Bond read the instruction manual. I totally would have skipped that, because boredom - and lack of concentration, but he did the deed and we learned quite a bit about it's functionality. It's so quiet! We even got wire shelves mounted above both machines on Saturday. I'm impressed and relieved that we did it asap, otherwise it may never have happened. We're planning on putting in a laundry chute and that's going to be super convenient.

I moved a lot of stuff out of the former laundry area, but things are kind of messy at the moment. The space looks pretty empty with my dining room table out of there (one of the things we gave to B.)

The sunroom is mostly emptied now that the air hockey table (also given to B) is gone. We still need to figure out a place for my treadmill and the weight bench. My guess is that they'll get put down in the dungeon, but we're really filling that area up with things and pretty soon there won't be room to host Beatdown. I don't think we'll move all the miscellaneous stuff back into the sunroom once we're done using it as a temporary kitchen. It looks so nice right now. Once it's back to being just a sunroom we'd like to add some pretty furniture so it's aesthetically pleasing and inviting.

We did our big grocery shopping trip Saturday and I put together freezer meals Saturday and Sunday afternoons. I was totally beat by Sunday evening. I think I have 10, maybe 12 meals frozen. I should plan on cooking again next weekend to add turkey meatballs and soups to the cache. I dread it, because my back is never happy with me when I spend 6 or so hours on my feet.

Saturday night we went to Movies on the Lawn and it was a lot of fun. We left the kids at home which was a good choice, because the movie they picked was Deadpool. Definitely not kid material.

We got to see their kitchen that they just DIY remodeled. They are fantastic DIYers and it's always fun to see what they've done. Because Bond had never been to their house before we also got a tour of the bathroom. They put a small LED TV behind a two-way mirror that they painted black on the backside (except for where the TV sets), then epoxied the TV to the glass, sheetrocked the space behind the mirror where their former medicine cabinet was inserted and now the TV resides, and framed the mirror with wood. It's pretty amazing.

I came home all excited about our pending renovations. It's going to be so fantastic when it's all done. I'm dying to start painting. We have so many walls with white paint that hasn't been redone since the house was built in 1988! I hope that Bond will be willing to start painting this winter, maybe even while the kitchen is under construction. I bet that'll depend on how much dust we have in the air. Maybe we could start in our bedroom, which is the furthest point from the kitchen on the ground floor. I'd love for it all to be done before we throw a kitchen reveal party, because it would add to the wow. As it is it'll be in sharp contrast to the rest of the house if we don't get the painting done, but have a brand new kitchen.

Today I paid Megan's driving tickets ($250) and for her license to be reinstated ($60), and rented a U-haul truck to move her on Wednesday. I cannot afford this kid. I am hoping that once she's back in the bosom of my family and her father that they'll provide the safety net she needs to function so that she can handle holding a job.

We have Polycocktails tonight, but our triad is really lonesome for one another, so I'm not sure if we'll get ourselves to leave B's house. We have our date night tomorrow night, so maybe. I think we're all ready for two nights in a row.

I think I may take Wednesday off of work. I think it would go better if I were at the U-haul store when Megan goes to pick up the vehicle seeing as I reserved it and it's going on my CC. We can do the early check-in, but I know from past experience that it's never a quick process and they always go over things again. I would also love some time to be at home to catch up on cleaning and errands and such. I can't believe how hard I work and how I can never get 100% caught up at home. Someday when Megan isn't bleeding me dry and I have paid off my debt I'm going to drop down to 80% at work.

 

[Petunia]

We finally got to see B's new house, and by new I mean, brand spanking new. It's very nice. It's so strange to see her in that environment. Her old house was, well, old. It was quirky and furnished with curbside freebies - other than her new sofas and armchairs. There were painted skulls, like literal skulls, fish tanks (they haven't been moved yet) and all sorts of funky, artistic things. This place is so sterile and conventional. The girl bought drapes, actual drapes! No more painted burlap sacks tied up as curtains. No inspirational quotes written on the glass in the windows. No messages tacked up for the kids like, "If you don't know, ask." Just a lot of suburbia. I think we're all going to miss the lake house.

But, with the new house and new space we will have a place for Thanksgiving. B is really excited about hosting it this year and that's wonderful for us, because we'll be without a kitchen. We'll have a sweet poly holiday as a triad.

We ended up going to PC. It was fun. I don't feel like I mingled much at all and that makes me feel kind of bad, but I got caught in conversation with friends and really enjoyed seeing them.

Our GC let us know that our faucet/sink selections came in $500 over budget. To be fair he didn't factor in a pot filler, so to my thinking, that means we're right on the money for all the things. Still, Bond is not pleased and I worry that this doesn't bode well if right out of the gate we're above our allowance.

 

[Petunia]

Wednesday: Megan's Big Move

I arrived late because I got caught in Beltline traffic. When the guy from U-haul called to see if we were still coming, I moved the time back to 10:00 am, but in truth I didn't even hit town until 10:00 am and I still had to go to Megan's. So, a very late start to everything.

I followed Megan back from picking up the U-haul and arrived just in time to see her back into a car. Seriously. I screamed for her to stop and a second later I calmed down after I realized that it was her car that she backed into. Not a good thing, but not as bad as backing into someone else's car. Her excuse was that she couldn't see where she was backing into. WTF?! Do I have to tell a 30 year old woman that if she can't see, then she needs someone to assist her? Evidently, yes. SMH. Thankfully there was very little damage done to the car and the truck just had some transfer paint from the car on it.

After seeing how much stuff she needed to move and the size of the truck I realized that we needed to get a larger truck. She and her BF were pretty sure the 10' one would work, but no. Way too small. I was pretty certain of it, but they were also pretty sure, so I was going to just let it be and leave. But before leaving I wanted to tell her BF that I had had enough of carrying him. I told him that I expected him to hit the ground running when they got to New City and to remain gainfully employed, because I could not afford it anymore. That he could start asking his parents for money, because it was one thing for me to help Megan out, but when I was also covering him too it was too expensive. And I had had enough. No more short-term employment.

Megan followed me to my car to ask for money and while we were taking care of that, he sent her a text saying he wasn't going. OMG, waterfall of tears.

We went back inside. I said something that wasn't an apology, but an attempt to smooth things over. I think I said that I was sorry that what I had said came out so harshly, but really I just want them to both find jobs and keep them.

And I looked around at the mass quantity of their belongings, which the BF was separating into his and hers piles, and decided that they definitely had too much to fit in the 10' truck. I called U-haul and they had a 15' truck, so Megan and I returned the first truck and picked up the larger truck - all the while she was a crying mess.

By the time we returned the BF was on board to move again.

I left and a few blocks from the house I had to pull over because she was texting me that he had changed his mind. But no, she didn't want me to return. He was going to help her move at the minimum. I started back on the road, but didn't get very far before I had to pull off and return more texts because he kept changing his mind and she was heartbroken and distraught. OMG, drama. I wish I'd have kept my damn mouth shut. Truth is though, this young man didn't really want to move. She knew that. She had been planning on ending things with him, because they aren't good together and so on. But she just wasn't ready and she really loves him despite what a shit he is. Holy fuck, I swear when people have nothing and they are barely hanging onto life they will cling to something even if it's dragging them down because they have so little joy and stability in life that they cannot bear to let go of something that is sometimes good, even if more often than not it's bad.

In the end he did move with her. He's going on a trial basis. If he can find a job in short order he will stay, otherwise, he's moving back.

So, there it is. I feel bad-ish, but not totally and for that I feel guilty.

 

[Petunia]

I'm a bitch sometimes. I can go from excellent mood to totally irritated in nothing flat if provoked. Friday night was one such night.

I walked in the house after work, saw a box on counter, opened, empty. Saw boxes from packing up dinette still sitting there. Asked about empty box. Answer: Z opened his cane (Halloween prop). Left box.

Let out expletive.

Walked in living room where Golden, his GF, Ame, and his son were playing video games. Ame announced dinner was ready, enchiladas. (Store bought by her.) Cool. Went back in kitchen, saw empty Kinky bottle (that had been in recycling until earlier in the week when it reappeared and had sat on the counter for 3 or so days). Asked why it was being saved. Ame wants it. Has a craft idea. N/P.

Went to put cans in beverage fridge. Asked them what they had done all day. Ame said, "Nothing, I'm on vacation." Golden said something about going to a meeting and working. L said he went to school. (I had to LOL when he said that, because I really wasn't asking him, but he was being funny.) As they are answering I snagged a bag on floor with the beverage fridge door and tipped its contents out. I put contents back in bag. Asked whose bag and backpack (that was sitting next to it). Ame's. She quickly took it from me and went downstairs with it. Golden asked why I asked. I said, "Well, the boxes are still sitting there." Pointed to boxes.

Lots of activity!

Ame disappeared. Golden moved boxes. L started vacuuming. Z wandered into the kitchen. I told him to take care of the box. Box is now in his bedroom. He grabbed a plate and enchilada and seemed fine that I told him to take care of the box. L seemed totally happy. No damage there. Golden exchanged nervous chit chat. Ame stayed downstairs for a long time and then left for several hours.

I felt like a bitch, but fuck. They (Golden and Ame) really did nothing all day. It probably shouldn't bother me, but I'm tired of Ame being there for days on end and doing nada. I wish they'd go to her house. Or that she's at least pitch in...Maybe. Mostly I wish they'd go to her place.

So that's how I kicked the weekend off. It makes me dislike myself when I loose my cool, but shit, they are fucking adults. It's not so bad that she's there most weekends, but when she is there he entertains her and doesn't accomplish the things he should be doing. His room and board is an exchange for his labor. It's a busy household with so much work to keep it running. When he slacks off it means that either I have to accept that it's going to be dirty or go undone depending on what it is, or try to do it myself on top of the tasks I have assigned myself to do. I'm wearing myself out trying to keep up. Walking in and realizing they've been sitting on their asses for almost the entire day irks the fuck out of me.

We accomplished so much this weekend. Rather remarkable, because Bond is not exactly prone to working on projects, so when you take into account that he's working wicked hours at work right now and under so much pressure it's amazing that he jumped right into things this weekend. Saturday we took the boys shopping for winter boots and pants for Z, out to lunch, and then back home.

When we got back Bond and I worked on preparing the yard for winter. We trimmed back the magnolia and a decorative bush on the back corner of the house, reattached the bird netting to the house, trimmed two hedges, pulled weeds that had grown up in the rock edging along the side of the house and trimmed suckers off of several trees that I we missed the last time around. We swept the patio and moved the patio furniture against the house to protect it some from the elements. Before the weather gets too cold I would like to trim the rest of the hedges. Golden needs to mow one last time and then we can leaf blow.

From there we transitioned into sorting things in the basement. We needed to clear off the ping pong table so we could fold it down to make space for the workmen. They'll need to have full access to the mechanicals and space below the kitchen for wiring and plumbing.

Golden and his GF really kicked it in gear and got his stuff sorted and in totes. They reconfigured the space for Beanie's "bedroom" and shrunk it down (curtained off area) so there is more space for stacking boxes and such. Thankfully his GF was there to assist him with this and to keep him on task. She told me later that he really struggled emotionally with going through his stuff, because there were so many memories of things related to his mother who died when he was 15.

Bond and I made some headway on the rest of the boxes, but I accomplished the most when I was able to do it without him the next day. Most of the contents we needed to deal with were toys his kids had outgrown. The man has trouble letting go of things. Sigh. I got him to help me put the ping pong table down and move it before he went into work on Sunday. Without him there I was able to zip through the remainder. I didn't want to take the chance that he'd take things out of the "donate" boxes, so I donated them while he was at work, and I bagged up the "toss" things rather than just dumping them in the trash bin. Nobody needs him rummaging through the dust bin. Memorabilia was packed away and practical things were put in practical locations so we can find them when we need them. It looks fantastic!

I packed up miscellaneous kitchen items like coffee cups, water bottles, and utensils and hauled them downstairs. I left a skeleton number of cups, bottles, and the main utensils, but the extras were packed away.

And then I made 100 turkey and spinach meatballs for the freezer. I feel like I'm an ant preparing for winter. I haven't counted exactly, but I think I have 12 freezer meals for the Instant Pot now. I have another big bag of chicken breasts thawing in the basement refrigerator and I need to pick recipes to use them in for more freezer meals. I think I may also try to get several kinds of soup made before we're without our kitchen.

Golden and Ame were as nice as they could possibly be all weekend and in turn I was super nice back. They really kicked it in gear and got the basement sorted and I appreciated it so much. I told both of them multiple times how much I appreciated it. Next weekend Ame is planning on hauling an electric scooter that Golden has that was his grandmother's back to her town to take it for repairs so he can sell it. It's been in our garage and we need the space. He's been going to do this for the past six months. The thing is, he'll make a decent amount on it, so you'd think that would motivate him to get it done. But no. Now we're down to the wire and Ame is stepping up to make sure it happens. That and two big aluminum ramps for loading the scooter in a vehicle. After that she'll be hauling our washer and dryer to her place. And later once we dismantle the kitchen, she's taking the cupboards.

We felt good when we were watching TV last night. We kept mentioning how great it was to have gotten X done and then the next commercial break one of us would mention how great it was that Y got done. I should have slept like the dead, but we watched Talking Dead and instead of dreaming about fluffy bunny rabbits I dreamed about zombies. LOL

 

[Petunia]

Poor Bond. He's working so many hours and is super stressed. They moved the build date from Friday to Wednesday, so he's lost two days he could work on things. He got home from work at 9:30 last night and then woke at early o'clock due to stress and couldn't fall back to sleep. He got up and went into the bathroom and read work emails. I don't know how long he was gone, but he was pretty icy cold when he crawled back in bed. Tonight he says he's leaving on time no matter what for our date night with B. I expect he may pull an all nighter Wednesday night. No sure if that'll count towards the Wednesday build, but they'll be sending other follow-up builds - probably one on Friday as had been the original deadline.

B's phone is acting up so she said she'll be incommunicado today.

 

[Petunia]

Today is delivery day at the Beach. I've lost count of the number of deliveries that are arriving. I have several packages of clothes from Zulily arriving and Bond's birthday gift. The sinks Bond ordered are also arriving! I'm so excited.

This remodel is getting real. Yesterday the GC was at the house to measure for windows. We're putting in a huge window on the sink wall (8'x4') and a solid pane window that'll probably be 3'x7' to the side of the slider. We need to look at the style of all the windows in the house to decide if we want to match the bronze (very dark metal look) frame that we have in the sunroom or if we should match the honey colored wood of the rest of the house. I am drawn to the black framed windows that are popular right now, but I'm concerned it may date things. We've also considered going with white casing for the sink wall window as it will be bumped out six inches and boxed in basically, so it doesn't really need to follow the same style. The window will be a 25/50/25 split with the two sides opening and the center being stationary. The window by the slider could easily emulate the windows in the sunroom as there are two windows the same size at each end in there. Time to make some decisions!