Hey Parker!
I for one completely agree with your feelings. I desperately tried to stay in a committed monogamous relationship, but I kept cheating and finding myself wanting to be with other men several times over the course of a few years. My husband and I finally had the conversation, and he admitted he wanted to see me with other men. That's when I agreed to marry him actually lol. Go figure, right?
I've always felt in my heart that I have much too much love to give for just one person, and when someone stands in my way of getting what I want, I tend to selfishly retract into my own space. It's like I become my opposite, and all the kindness in my heart turns to anger and frustration. Don't deny yourself the pleasures in life, especially if it's hindering your growth as a person.
I hope you made it back to Florida safely and in one piece! Maybe by now you've gotten to open your relationship up, and explore more of the world you want.