Although I'm not particularly friends with her, I have been "friends" with my metamour Sue on various social media for almost the entire length of this poly relationship. I tend to be a much more frequent user of all forms of social media than she is- particularly for work purposes for me, being "out there" is sort of important. I do at times post regarding special times in my relationship (generally maybe once every couple of months, and nothing too overly mushy). She posts nothing about her relationship with Joe on hers. He posts pictures of events with both of us, but never statuses about anything but his son or hobbies. At times with social media- particularly on Fetlife, where things hang loose a bit more!- I have hung back quite a bit from posting things that I thought might hurt her, even when Joe has said it was fine.
Joe and I have recently moved in together, and Sue is quite hurt by it. I sympathize with that, but that's a reality of poly. She has been throwing fit after fit at Joe, to the point where he's so stressed out that it's had a negative impact on our relationship. She knew in advance that it was happening, although our time table did move faster than anticipated due to certain factors. One of my main issues with Sue is that she is EXTREMELY passive aggressive and not very good at gauging emotions, including her own, so she winds up manipulating things, whether or not that's her actual intent. Joe can be a bit of a White Knight, although he has made great progress at not enabling her behavior as much over the past year.
Anyway- during the move, I posted about moving, pictures of the house, stuff about our first meal in our new house (I've been without a kitchen for 5 months! I was psyched to cook!). Nothing too mushy, just happiness about this new event. As a side note, the majority of my family and friends do not live close, so posting a "new place" photo album on Facebook is the easiest way to share pictures when I have a dozen people texting me wanting to see pictures! Apparently Sue saw red. She now wants me to not post on social media about my relationship with Joe, because it's too hard on her to see it. In her description, it's that I'm doing it intentionally to hurt her, and she has now cried about it enough to Joe where he feels unsure of what to do. I feel like she's pulling her usual tactic, which is attempting to control me and my relationship with Joe (similar situations have happened in the past). I'm not being out of line, she's not tagged in stuff and Joe rarely is, I'm simply sharing my happiness with my family friends. If I didn't like what she was posting, there would be a simple solution- block her from me feed, or if necessary, de friend her- both options that I'd understand if she chose to do with me, particularly right now while she's hurting. If she's hurting from seeing pictures of my kitchen, that's not my responsibility to manage- it's hers. Considering Joe and I have spoken about marriage and children, I don't see it getting easier for her to handle unless she works through her emotions, and us dancing around her feelings won't encourage her to do that. I definitely want to stand my ground on this one, but I worry about causing an argument with Joe.
Thoughts? Would you give in to Sue? Would you feel like I do? Am I being too obstinate? I'd like to hear others thoughts before discussing this with Joe.
Joe and I have recently moved in together, and Sue is quite hurt by it. I sympathize with that, but that's a reality of poly. She has been throwing fit after fit at Joe, to the point where he's so stressed out that it's had a negative impact on our relationship. She knew in advance that it was happening, although our time table did move faster than anticipated due to certain factors. One of my main issues with Sue is that she is EXTREMELY passive aggressive and not very good at gauging emotions, including her own, so she winds up manipulating things, whether or not that's her actual intent. Joe can be a bit of a White Knight, although he has made great progress at not enabling her behavior as much over the past year.
Anyway- during the move, I posted about moving, pictures of the house, stuff about our first meal in our new house (I've been without a kitchen for 5 months! I was psyched to cook!). Nothing too mushy, just happiness about this new event. As a side note, the majority of my family and friends do not live close, so posting a "new place" photo album on Facebook is the easiest way to share pictures when I have a dozen people texting me wanting to see pictures! Apparently Sue saw red. She now wants me to not post on social media about my relationship with Joe, because it's too hard on her to see it. In her description, it's that I'm doing it intentionally to hurt her, and she has now cried about it enough to Joe where he feels unsure of what to do. I feel like she's pulling her usual tactic, which is attempting to control me and my relationship with Joe (similar situations have happened in the past). I'm not being out of line, she's not tagged in stuff and Joe rarely is, I'm simply sharing my happiness with my family friends. If I didn't like what she was posting, there would be a simple solution- block her from me feed, or if necessary, de friend her- both options that I'd understand if she chose to do with me, particularly right now while she's hurting. If she's hurting from seeing pictures of my kitchen, that's not my responsibility to manage- it's hers. Considering Joe and I have spoken about marriage and children, I don't see it getting easier for her to handle unless she works through her emotions, and us dancing around her feelings won't encourage her to do that. I definitely want to stand my ground on this one, but I worry about causing an argument with Joe.
Thoughts? Would you give in to Sue? Would you feel like I do? Am I being too obstinate? I'd like to hear others thoughts before discussing this with Joe.
