I've enjoyed reading through this thread. I am somewhat solo, I suppose. For almost three years, I have spent my weekends with a M/F couple, and we go on vacations together. I am close to both of them individually, but he is the person in my life who is the closest to something primary-ish. He doesn't really follow the hierarchal model. Although, we don't live together, won't live together, and only see each other over weekends, except for rare occasions.
I also have a boyfriend I see once a week, who himself lives with a primary girlfriend (he ascribes to the hierarchal model). This is also a long term committed relationship. (Committed? Well, we feel loyalty to each other, and an ongoing intention of maintaining and protecting the space we have in each other's lives, and a desire to do some work if needed to take care of each other's needs... sounds like commitment, anyway).
I'm also dating. There are a couple long term former girlfriends who sort of come and go, and a new friend.
I live alone and intend to do so for the foreseeable future. I'm definitely not a free agent, though, as dating someone new requires discussions all around. Lots of discussions, sometimes, and a great deal of attention paid to how everyone feels, whether it challenges their sense of security. I'm committed to doing whatever work is needed to hold up my end of the relationships I'm in. I don't trample over anyone's feelings. There are no vetoes, no rules of engagement for what I do on my own time, nothing like that, but I care about my people. So yes, the "free agent" definition really isn't something that resonates with me.
Sometimes, this structure makes me wonder if I'm missing out, since I don't have a live-in domestic partner primary type person. Aren't I supposed to want that??? I've been married before, though, and I am worlds happier now. This really suits me, in more ways than I could name.
I also have a boyfriend I see once a week, who himself lives with a primary girlfriend (he ascribes to the hierarchal model). This is also a long term committed relationship. (Committed? Well, we feel loyalty to each other, and an ongoing intention of maintaining and protecting the space we have in each other's lives, and a desire to do some work if needed to take care of each other's needs... sounds like commitment, anyway).
I'm also dating. There are a couple long term former girlfriends who sort of come and go, and a new friend.
I live alone and intend to do so for the foreseeable future. I'm definitely not a free agent, though, as dating someone new requires discussions all around. Lots of discussions, sometimes, and a great deal of attention paid to how everyone feels, whether it challenges their sense of security. I'm committed to doing whatever work is needed to hold up my end of the relationships I'm in. I don't trample over anyone's feelings. There are no vetoes, no rules of engagement for what I do on my own time, nothing like that, but I care about my people. So yes, the "free agent" definition really isn't something that resonates with me.
Sometimes, this structure makes me wonder if I'm missing out, since I don't have a live-in domestic partner primary type person. Aren't I supposed to want that??? I've been married before, though, and I am worlds happier now. This really suits me, in more ways than I could name.
Last edited: