SoloPoly and Navigating Two Relationships

D

dach

New member
Hi everyone,

I am on here looking for anyone who may be in a similar situation, or who has been through a similar situation before and would be interested in sharing their experience.

I have been more or less solo-poly for a couple years. I use that term loosely as it's probably the closest thing that describes my situation. To quickly sum up my situation, I'm feeling incredibly attracted to the two women who I am seeing and am finding myself going deeper with each of them. It is all great and wonderful, but I keep creating anxiety for myself thinking about what the future will/can/should look like if both of them continue to be in the picture.

I live on my own, and they each live on their own and are also open. The situation works really well now, with me being able to split my time between them. I'm just unclear of how things might proceed in the future, and am concerned about what would happen if I continue to relate to them as "equal" partners and they continue to deepen, or if it's even possible to keep going equally deep with two people in the form of "Double Primaries" or something like that. The question of co-habitating is in my mind often, and I'm wondering how that might play out. And feel anxiety and sadness about the idea of limiting one of the relationships in order to make the other progress deeper.

Is anyone else in relationships where you don't consider one of the individuals a primary, but it is equally balanced? What is your living situation like? Have you ever felt like you need to limit one of the relationships in order to fully deepen the other one?


Any stories or advice would be greatly appreciated, whether good or bad. I'd also be happy to chat with anyone who finds themselves in a similar situation.

Thanks!
 
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Hello dach,

I am one of the "legs" in an MFM V, we consider both of us men to be primary partners to our female hinge, so there are two primary partners in our V (three counting that our hinge is a primary partner to both of us men). We have been together in this configuration for about 13 years, and are getting along well, so in my eyes, there's no reason why one relationship should have to be limited in order to fully deepen the other one. You can read more about my story (and my V) in my blog. Also I would be happy to answer any questions you may have for me in this thread. Just let me know. Oh and I should add, the three of us live in the same house together. I have my own bedroom (with an attached bath).

Hopefully that helps,
Regards,
Kevin T.
 
You keep saying "deepen" when you mean going up the relationship escalator. If you move in with one of them you would no longer be solo.

There is a woman on here that spends her time 50/50 between two husband's. There are others, like Kevin, who cohabitate with co-primaries. It definitely can be done. I was going to try a similar arrangement with my wife and a girlfriend in two separate houses, but the gf and I couldn't come to a satisfactory arrangement.
 
This set up can definitely work with cohabitation and co-primaries. I'd only caution that you are moving in a direction where you will no longer be solo. The three of you will need to work out the boundaries and logistics of your relationship, and how things will go. Communicate, communicate, communicate. That also includes communicating with yourself about what all of this will look like.

I've been in triads before, and they worked beautifully. My dream is an egalitarian lesbian quad.
 
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