Struggling atm, just expressing.

[PolyPaddy]

Hi Everyone.

I'm struggling at the moment.

Myself and my partner split up a couple months ago. She decided she wanted manogamy. Thats fine. Its her values and i respect that. It makes alot of sense in many ways. She never asked me to change and i admire the heck out of that.

Now she is dating again. I'm finding it quite tough. It took me a while to figure out why as it never really bothered me alot in previous relationships.
However, there is no denying the fact that i've been kinda removed/rejected from her life in some ways, so she can move in someone else. In some ways, I dont believe that and think its egotiscal pandering to my own ego wanting to be a victim state. In other ways, it looks alot like that!
I try to remind myself she is choosing her path with her values.

I guess its just the opposite of poly.. It hurts.
Shes not doing anything wrong of course.
Its just one of those times that are hard.. A fact of life type of moment.
After so long, ya get to know a persons patterns and have way too much information about whats going on in thier dating/sex life just by being naturally observant.

I don't need any advice really. Shes not doing anything wrong. This time was always going to be a little rough. My mood just keeps yo yoing from high compersion to sadness/loss to pukey vomity feeling.
I dont even want to get back with her. However the mind.. the mind seems to forget this and creates those silly mental movies, then immediately creates a similar one with her new friend.

She had kids from a previous partner. I got pretty attached to them. That part is kinda the hardest. They're wonderful lil ones. Shes a great mother.

We're still good friends. Some of the changes are just hard. Currently a bit disallusioned with poly.. natural i guess. Though at the same time, makes me think its a life saver, given that the requirement of manogamy is what required the end of the relationship. It's like it would be easier to be manogamous in many ways.. I just cant bring myself to ever tell another person to not be free.
It's against everything i value. lol Id end up just telling them to date and i'd stay manogamous lol. A no no of course.

I just wanted to express that i'm hurting at the moment. Sometimes stuff is just really tough and icky. I'll do the best i can.

Thanks for listening and giving me the chance to express.

 

[Leetah]

My sympathies. Your feelings are, as you say, very natural for someone in your poistion. I wonder if it would help to give the friendship a break for at least some weeks until your feelings are more settled? You may be polyamorous but that does not innoculate you against the pain and struggle of being broken up with.

Leetah

 

[PolyPaddy]

My sympathies. Your feelings are, as you say, very natural for someone in your poistion. I wonder if it would help to give the friendship a break for at least some weeks until your feelings are more settled? You may be polyamorous but that does not innoculate you against the pain and struggle of being broken up with.

Leetah

This is going to sound mental, I literally shed a tear at that first sentence. I think i just need someone to 'get me' right now. That little setence helped. Thank you Leetah.

Ill ponder the rest and consider. Cheers for the advice.

 

[Leetah]

You sound like a good person trying very hard to live up to your ideals which I admire. Someone doing that should be given a break, especially by themselves. Not a break from the ideals, just not expect superhuman coping abilities. If you have been reading the blogs here you will know that others struggle too

Leetah

 

[kdt26417]

Hi PolyPaddy,

Sorry to hear about the breakup you are going through. I hope there is some small way I can help.

Sincerely,
Kevin T.

 

[GalaGirl]

I am sorry you struggle. I hope you feel a bit better writing that out.

Even if a break up was wanted, it is ok to miss the relationship and mourn the loss. It's an adjustment you are going through.

I am glad you can be exes and friends. Take the time you need to do your self care.

Galagirl

 

[IndieSolo]

You need to allow yourself time to grieve and heal. Breakups are never easy, even when we know it's the right thing to do.