Hi, everyone. I'm a 29-year-old bisexual female from the northeastern US who has found myself rather unexpectedly in a poly relationship.
Looking through the intros, I guess the situation bringing me here is a bit unusual. In October my long-distance girlfriend, "S", moved in with me. Right after my ex-fiance, "A", came to stay with me because he could get a good job here but not on the left coast where he'd been staying with family since we broke up over a year ago. We'd become close friends again after the break-up, but there was zero romance and him staying at my house was supposed to be temporary until he could rent his own place. This had been planned for months and S was fine with it.
As you're probably guessing, strong romantic feelings quickly re-formed between A and I once we were together in person. We tried to ignore them, but I was miserable and decided that was never going to work. I still cared about S but was also heavily resenting her for preventing me being with A, so I actually broke up with her. Nobody could afford to instantly move out, however, so the living situation remained.
Note that when we were engaged before, A and I had a theoretically open relationship, though neither of us ever wanted to act on it, so the idea of poly relationships wasn't totally bizarre or new to us. S, however, had mentioned in the past that she totally didn't 'get' poly relationships and would never want to be involved in one, so I viewed breaking up with her as the only way to be with him. But just a couple days after the break-up, she wrote me a letter which clearly implied she wished we could still be romantically involved while I was also with A. After making sure it was okay with A, I asked S to be in a poly relationship and she said 'yes' in an extremely definite way (the implication in the letter was intentional and she wanted to ask me to be poly but was afraid it would just sound desperate).
That was less than a week ago so now I’m in a poly relationship, what I think they call a “V” triad, since S is 100% lesbian so there is not and never will be anything romantic between her and A. The three of us have known each other for over three years (S and I were best friends the whole time I was dating/engaged with A the first time) so it’s not all quite as sudden as it sounds, though it’s still weird.
The fact that a three-person relationship was so unplanned, and also that it seems to be an unusual situation, has left me definitely flailing a bit for how this all should work, though I won’t deny a sizable part of me likes being at the center of the “V”. I also don’t feel I’m the personality type you’d expect to be poly nor the type most naturally equipped to do it. I’m an introvert, I tend towards being pretty unemotional, I’m not very sensual or romantic (actually, I suck at romantic gestures), plus I have a terrible history with maintaining mono relationships which supposedly require less skill to navigate. Though I’m definitely wondering if mono relationships are really easier in the long term. The one positive I have going is that about ten months ago I started working extremely hard to improve my communication skills in all types of relationships and have been successful enough for everyone who knows me to remark on the striking change and improvement.
Anyway, I’m here to meet more experienced people who will hopefully have lots of good advice, since I feel a ton of pressure being at the ‘center’ of the V even though I also like it. Plus I know how helpful it can be to just type things out to a supportive, uninvolved audience. I won’t weigh this introduction down with specific questions since it’s long enough, but really look forward to getting to know you all!
Looking through the intros, I guess the situation bringing me here is a bit unusual. In October my long-distance girlfriend, "S", moved in with me. Right after my ex-fiance, "A", came to stay with me because he could get a good job here but not on the left coast where he'd been staying with family since we broke up over a year ago. We'd become close friends again after the break-up, but there was zero romance and him staying at my house was supposed to be temporary until he could rent his own place. This had been planned for months and S was fine with it.
As you're probably guessing, strong romantic feelings quickly re-formed between A and I once we were together in person. We tried to ignore them, but I was miserable and decided that was never going to work. I still cared about S but was also heavily resenting her for preventing me being with A, so I actually broke up with her. Nobody could afford to instantly move out, however, so the living situation remained.
Note that when we were engaged before, A and I had a theoretically open relationship, though neither of us ever wanted to act on it, so the idea of poly relationships wasn't totally bizarre or new to us. S, however, had mentioned in the past that she totally didn't 'get' poly relationships and would never want to be involved in one, so I viewed breaking up with her as the only way to be with him. But just a couple days after the break-up, she wrote me a letter which clearly implied she wished we could still be romantically involved while I was also with A. After making sure it was okay with A, I asked S to be in a poly relationship and she said 'yes' in an extremely definite way (the implication in the letter was intentional and she wanted to ask me to be poly but was afraid it would just sound desperate).
That was less than a week ago so now I’m in a poly relationship, what I think they call a “V” triad, since S is 100% lesbian so there is not and never will be anything romantic between her and A. The three of us have known each other for over three years (S and I were best friends the whole time I was dating/engaged with A the first time) so it’s not all quite as sudden as it sounds, though it’s still weird.
The fact that a three-person relationship was so unplanned, and also that it seems to be an unusual situation, has left me definitely flailing a bit for how this all should work, though I won’t deny a sizable part of me likes being at the center of the “V”. I also don’t feel I’m the personality type you’d expect to be poly nor the type most naturally equipped to do it. I’m an introvert, I tend towards being pretty unemotional, I’m not very sensual or romantic (actually, I suck at romantic gestures), plus I have a terrible history with maintaining mono relationships which supposedly require less skill to navigate. Though I’m definitely wondering if mono relationships are really easier in the long term. The one positive I have going is that about ten months ago I started working extremely hard to improve my communication skills in all types of relationships and have been successful enough for everyone who knows me to remark on the striking change and improvement.
Anyway, I’m here to meet more experienced people who will hopefully have lots of good advice, since I feel a ton of pressure being at the ‘center’ of the V even though I also like it. Plus I know how helpful it can be to just type things out to a supportive, uninvolved audience. I won’t weigh this introduction down with specific questions since it’s long enough, but really look forward to getting to know you all!
