I'm going to try to make an extremely long story as relatively short as possible.
My gf and I have been together since March 2015. Its been crazy since then. I should've taken the advice from a few people here who said I should leave her alone but I thought I was "in love." I wasn't. I completely damaged the relationship I have with my fiance behind her. She started to dictate when and how often I could see MY fiance while she continued to strengthen her marriage with her husband and children. We work together, against my better judgement. So anytime me and my fiance go to lunch, its an argument with my girl. If I'm with him and don't text her enough, she feels "neglected." The list could go on. Needless to say, she has stifled the growth and repair of me and his relationship.
She not only impacts my relationship with him, but also my family. On at least 3 separate occasions, she has threatened suicide when I tell her something has come up and that I have to cut our time short because I need to be with my family. Serious threats. (Keep in mind we spend 8 hours a day 5 days a week together. Not spending one day on the weekend shouldn't be an issue, right?) However, this past week took the cake.
I found out I was unexpectedly pregnant by my fiance. We needed some time to figure things out (if we are ready to bring a child into a poly relationship that is still so new to us, finances, etc). I told my girl in hopes that should we be supportive. She was initially. However, after day 2 she began to rush my decision. Telling me things like..."I need to know if you are keeping it or not so I can mentally prepare myself. Just make a decision and stick with it" She was very upset that she was not the first to know. At first, I thought she was just a little insecure that this had the capability of bringing me and my fiance much closer. But it quickly turned toxic and hateful. She began to criticize me for not being able to make a swift decision, saying that a week was long enough to decide what I want to do and that this situation is just indicative of how immature I am and how I am not capable of making "grown up" decisions. She attacked my relationship with my fiance. The situation only worsened when I told her that instead of her taking me to the abortion clinic, my fiance felt he was responsible for handling this situation. She blew up, threatened to call my family and out me (me being bisexual AND poly), showing all our intimate texts and emails to them. Needless to say I was mortified and hurt. She thinks she has lupus, so in an effort to hurt me, she told me she wished I had it instead because I deserve it. All this because I changed my mind and decided to let my fiance take me to abort OUR child....
The day of the abortion, I backed out. Me and him both needed more time to think. I told my gf that I needed some alone time this past weekend to sort out my feelings without any outside influences or distractions. She took this very personal and fought me on it, incessantly. She then told me that her husband kicked her out of the house and she had no where to go (so of course I told her she could come to my house). The next morning as I told her I needed alone time once again, she starts crying nonstop and texting her "therapist." Little did I know that it was a suicide hotline. In an effort to reach her husband or family, I took her phone and saw the texts that she had sent claiming that she was in her car about to drive off a bridge. Within 20 minutes, a police officer called asking for my address...within 2 mins, 3 cop cars surrounded my house. My entire family was home and witnessed this. The cops gave her the choice to ride with them to the hospital or I could drive her while they trailed me. She was becoming resistant and even tried to convince me to EVADE THE COPS so she wouldn't have to go. Of course, I didn't do that and took her to the hospital.
She is now there for AT LEAST a 72 hour hold. I had to drive an hour away to pick up her husband and kids because she had the only car seats in her car. On the way back to the hospital, her husband told me that he did not kick her out the night prior to this. He also told me what transpired. She told him I was stranded in a park at 11:30 pm and needed her right away. This was not true. I was home in my bed asking her if we could see each other another time since I'm going through a rough situation. He went on to say that she has threatened suicide with him before when she doesn't get her way. He complained about how she makes me a priority above him and her kids WHICH I AM NOT OKAY WITH. She lies to him to see me and she lies to me so I can give her sympathy and agree to spend more time with her. That's my fault for allowing this cycle to continue. She's manipulative and vindictive. Even in the ER when doctors and therapists were talking to her, she repeatedly told them that I do not care about her and that I hated her.
Her family does not know where she is or what has happened. Only her husband and I. I spent hours with her yesterday, hours driving to get her husband to her, all with little to eat and no sleep (and for those who have been pregnant understand how hard that is). When I'm about to leave the hospital she tells me "This is your fault. If you would have just gotten the abortion, I wouldn't be here. I'm not ready for you to be pregnant"
I'm DONE. I have no words left to say to her. At this point, I'm only trying to be a friend and support her through a very difficult time. She has a lot of childhood trauma, so I know she genuinely needs the help, but all I can do is support her as a friend. I know part of this is my problem for enabling this behavior. I value the people closest to me and its very hard to see them contemplate or talk of suicide. One part would always tell me "she's acting out" but the other part would say "but what if she goes through with it? It's especially hard when she tells me things like "I wrote letters to my kids and my family telling them it was YOU. They lost me because of YOU." And then I cave and give her what she wants. I've tried breaking up with her before but of course, you can see how it didn't happen. My question to you all now is if I should wait to break up with her when she gets out or should I go ahead and do it while I know she is under supervision and can't hurt herself. I know that it seems completely ruthless and heartless, but I can't go on like this. I'm pregnant and am forced to deal with not only that, but a gf who wants me to abort it because of her own selfish reasons. I can forgive a lot, but that...I can't. On top of that, I am not comfortable with how she places me above her children and husband nor do I appreciate her trying to control my primary relationship...enough is enough.
I'm sorry for the long and complicated story. I just wanted to paint an accurate picture so I can get the best advice. I am also meeting with a poly therapist tomorrow to get a professional opinion as well.
And after all of this, I still have to deal with my pregnancy smh... Thank you for the advice ahead of time.
My gf and I have been together since March 2015. Its been crazy since then. I should've taken the advice from a few people here who said I should leave her alone but I thought I was "in love." I wasn't. I completely damaged the relationship I have with my fiance behind her. She started to dictate when and how often I could see MY fiance while she continued to strengthen her marriage with her husband and children. We work together, against my better judgement. So anytime me and my fiance go to lunch, its an argument with my girl. If I'm with him and don't text her enough, she feels "neglected." The list could go on. Needless to say, she has stifled the growth and repair of me and his relationship.
She not only impacts my relationship with him, but also my family. On at least 3 separate occasions, she has threatened suicide when I tell her something has come up and that I have to cut our time short because I need to be with my family. Serious threats. (Keep in mind we spend 8 hours a day 5 days a week together. Not spending one day on the weekend shouldn't be an issue, right?) However, this past week took the cake.
I found out I was unexpectedly pregnant by my fiance. We needed some time to figure things out (if we are ready to bring a child into a poly relationship that is still so new to us, finances, etc). I told my girl in hopes that should we be supportive. She was initially. However, after day 2 she began to rush my decision. Telling me things like..."I need to know if you are keeping it or not so I can mentally prepare myself. Just make a decision and stick with it" She was very upset that she was not the first to know. At first, I thought she was just a little insecure that this had the capability of bringing me and my fiance much closer. But it quickly turned toxic and hateful. She began to criticize me for not being able to make a swift decision, saying that a week was long enough to decide what I want to do and that this situation is just indicative of how immature I am and how I am not capable of making "grown up" decisions. She attacked my relationship with my fiance. The situation only worsened when I told her that instead of her taking me to the abortion clinic, my fiance felt he was responsible for handling this situation. She blew up, threatened to call my family and out me (me being bisexual AND poly), showing all our intimate texts and emails to them. Needless to say I was mortified and hurt. She thinks she has lupus, so in an effort to hurt me, she told me she wished I had it instead because I deserve it. All this because I changed my mind and decided to let my fiance take me to abort OUR child....
The day of the abortion, I backed out. Me and him both needed more time to think. I told my gf that I needed some alone time this past weekend to sort out my feelings without any outside influences or distractions. She took this very personal and fought me on it, incessantly. She then told me that her husband kicked her out of the house and she had no where to go (so of course I told her she could come to my house). The next morning as I told her I needed alone time once again, she starts crying nonstop and texting her "therapist." Little did I know that it was a suicide hotline. In an effort to reach her husband or family, I took her phone and saw the texts that she had sent claiming that she was in her car about to drive off a bridge. Within 20 minutes, a police officer called asking for my address...within 2 mins, 3 cop cars surrounded my house. My entire family was home and witnessed this. The cops gave her the choice to ride with them to the hospital or I could drive her while they trailed me. She was becoming resistant and even tried to convince me to EVADE THE COPS so she wouldn't have to go. Of course, I didn't do that and took her to the hospital.
She is now there for AT LEAST a 72 hour hold. I had to drive an hour away to pick up her husband and kids because she had the only car seats in her car. On the way back to the hospital, her husband told me that he did not kick her out the night prior to this. He also told me what transpired. She told him I was stranded in a park at 11:30 pm and needed her right away. This was not true. I was home in my bed asking her if we could see each other another time since I'm going through a rough situation. He went on to say that she has threatened suicide with him before when she doesn't get her way. He complained about how she makes me a priority above him and her kids WHICH I AM NOT OKAY WITH. She lies to him to see me and she lies to me so I can give her sympathy and agree to spend more time with her. That's my fault for allowing this cycle to continue. She's manipulative and vindictive. Even in the ER when doctors and therapists were talking to her, she repeatedly told them that I do not care about her and that I hated her.
Her family does not know where she is or what has happened. Only her husband and I. I spent hours with her yesterday, hours driving to get her husband to her, all with little to eat and no sleep (and for those who have been pregnant understand how hard that is). When I'm about to leave the hospital she tells me "This is your fault. If you would have just gotten the abortion, I wouldn't be here. I'm not ready for you to be pregnant"
I'm DONE. I have no words left to say to her. At this point, I'm only trying to be a friend and support her through a very difficult time. She has a lot of childhood trauma, so I know she genuinely needs the help, but all I can do is support her as a friend. I know part of this is my problem for enabling this behavior. I value the people closest to me and its very hard to see them contemplate or talk of suicide. One part would always tell me "she's acting out" but the other part would say "but what if she goes through with it? It's especially hard when she tells me things like "I wrote letters to my kids and my family telling them it was YOU. They lost me because of YOU." And then I cave and give her what she wants. I've tried breaking up with her before but of course, you can see how it didn't happen. My question to you all now is if I should wait to break up with her when she gets out or should I go ahead and do it while I know she is under supervision and can't hurt herself. I know that it seems completely ruthless and heartless, but I can't go on like this. I'm pregnant and am forced to deal with not only that, but a gf who wants me to abort it because of her own selfish reasons. I can forgive a lot, but that...I can't. On top of that, I am not comfortable with how she places me above her children and husband nor do I appreciate her trying to control my primary relationship...enough is enough.
I'm sorry for the long and complicated story. I just wanted to paint an accurate picture so I can get the best advice. I am also meeting with a poly therapist tomorrow to get a professional opinion as well.
And after all of this, I still have to deal with my pregnancy smh... Thank you for the advice ahead of time.
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