pinkwildflowers
New member
Why does it seem so impossible to find a caring partner? Somebody who actually wants you as much as you want them?
I met J over 2 years ago, younger than me, handsome as hell, athletic and a workaholic. Stuck in a miserable toxic marriage and stepping out on his wife, i think I was his 4th affair partner? Im not sure anymore. He lovebombed the hell out of me (in hindsight) and I caught feelings really fast, we hooked up, we gamed, we talked daily then he just ghosted on me. If only id known the pattern that would start....
I knew he didn't love me back, but I had hoped we could at least be actual friends. Delusional I know. Secretly I know I hoped he would just wake up one day and love me back, the woman who has tried to support him through his ups and downs, the person comforting him and giving advice and cheering him on.
But no, the 4th(?) Time he ghosted me he came back after 4 months and said "I dont like how things ended, I want to talk and explain and not end stuff like that by just running off, ive been seeing a woman who suggested i reach out to you again" so like a sad, desperate woman i said yes. Because that sparks always there, that little slice of hope, and he knows it...
As expected I forgave him and it bit me in the ass. He said this other woman he was seeing was poly and had something like 8 partners I shrugged it off but he kept bringing her up so I jokingly said "you sound like you love her" then the other shoe dropped "we're in love, we bonded over our bad marriages and shes leaving her husband at some point, weve talked about a future together when we'reboth single"
"At some point" for her was a week later, with him leaving his wife this week while not actually telling her he's been cheating most of their marriage. My favorite part is supposedly they aren't leaving their spouses "for eachother" but J has been spending any free time it seems with her and her 1 other partner (J felt special he made the cut when she started letting guys go!) At best I was getting random texts daily this week while the new woman was apparently staying evenings and nights at his house after his wife went to her parents. He told me hes been enjoying the quality time with her....
So in the 4mnths it took me to start feeling better he found a serious girlfriend but came back to me apologizing while not actually telling me that they were setious, He made it sound like they were just having sex.
I finally put my foot down today for MY sake. Id been asking for awhile for him to give my number to this other woman so I could at least talk to her/say hi. He told me today that hes "not comfortable doing that because I might say something that reflects poorly on him" he also got it in his head id asked for her number ("im not comfortable giving you any of her info" I didnt ask??)
I went nuclear, im not proud of that but I told him not to cry to me when his life blows up and this new girl gets sick of his shit, that her AND his soon to be ex wife deserve better than him, and I deserve better than to be so low im not even on the back burner, im dusty in his pantry waiting for him to pull me out for validation and maybe sex if im lucky. He talked about being soooo open and more communicative and poly thanks to this woman but has been nothing but shady to me.
He's put more effort into 3mnths with this other woman than he did 2yrs of being on/off with me.
It's so out of left field that im almost doubting this unicorn women exists and wonder if its some weird gross game he's playing with me? Maybe shes real and doesnt actually know i exist?? Can you cheat on your partner your having an affair with?? inception but cheating i guess..
He told me this morning "sorry im not willing to give you more than I want to"
And His response to a 4 part text exploding at him him? "Valid. Sorry for wasting your time"
No defending, no arguments, pretty much just flipping me off.
Im worth more and I need to remember that
And no I dont feel good knowing ive likely hurt his soon to be ex, emotions and protectivness towards him clouded my judgment hard, I should have known better than to get mixed up when somebody doesnt even know what they want and aren't in an enm situation
I met J over 2 years ago, younger than me, handsome as hell, athletic and a workaholic. Stuck in a miserable toxic marriage and stepping out on his wife, i think I was his 4th affair partner? Im not sure anymore. He lovebombed the hell out of me (in hindsight) and I caught feelings really fast, we hooked up, we gamed, we talked daily then he just ghosted on me. If only id known the pattern that would start....
I knew he didn't love me back, but I had hoped we could at least be actual friends. Delusional I know. Secretly I know I hoped he would just wake up one day and love me back, the woman who has tried to support him through his ups and downs, the person comforting him and giving advice and cheering him on.
But no, the 4th(?) Time he ghosted me he came back after 4 months and said "I dont like how things ended, I want to talk and explain and not end stuff like that by just running off, ive been seeing a woman who suggested i reach out to you again" so like a sad, desperate woman i said yes. Because that sparks always there, that little slice of hope, and he knows it...
As expected I forgave him and it bit me in the ass. He said this other woman he was seeing was poly and had something like 8 partners I shrugged it off but he kept bringing her up so I jokingly said "you sound like you love her" then the other shoe dropped "we're in love, we bonded over our bad marriages and shes leaving her husband at some point, weve talked about a future together when we'reboth single"
"At some point" for her was a week later, with him leaving his wife this week while not actually telling her he's been cheating most of their marriage. My favorite part is supposedly they aren't leaving their spouses "for eachother" but J has been spending any free time it seems with her and her 1 other partner (J felt special he made the cut when she started letting guys go!) At best I was getting random texts daily this week while the new woman was apparently staying evenings and nights at his house after his wife went to her parents. He told me hes been enjoying the quality time with her....
So in the 4mnths it took me to start feeling better he found a serious girlfriend but came back to me apologizing while not actually telling me that they were setious, He made it sound like they were just having sex.
I finally put my foot down today for MY sake. Id been asking for awhile for him to give my number to this other woman so I could at least talk to her/say hi. He told me today that hes "not comfortable doing that because I might say something that reflects poorly on him" he also got it in his head id asked for her number ("im not comfortable giving you any of her info" I didnt ask??)
I went nuclear, im not proud of that but I told him not to cry to me when his life blows up and this new girl gets sick of his shit, that her AND his soon to be ex wife deserve better than him, and I deserve better than to be so low im not even on the back burner, im dusty in his pantry waiting for him to pull me out for validation and maybe sex if im lucky. He talked about being soooo open and more communicative and poly thanks to this woman but has been nothing but shady to me.
He's put more effort into 3mnths with this other woman than he did 2yrs of being on/off with me.
It's so out of left field that im almost doubting this unicorn women exists and wonder if its some weird gross game he's playing with me? Maybe shes real and doesnt actually know i exist?? Can you cheat on your partner your having an affair with?? inception but cheating i guess..
He told me this morning "sorry im not willing to give you more than I want to"
And His response to a 4 part text exploding at him him? "Valid. Sorry for wasting your time"
No defending, no arguments, pretty much just flipping me off.
Im worth more and I need to remember that
And no I dont feel good knowing ive likely hurt his soon to be ex, emotions and protectivness towards him clouded my judgment hard, I should have known better than to get mixed up when somebody doesnt even know what they want and aren't in an enm situation
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