Hey everybody,
New here. Not sure if "polyamorous" is the right term for our situation but I hoped a group of people like this would be a good sounding board regardless.
My girlfriend and I have been together going on 7 years now, since high school, and did a lot of growing up together in that time. She had a couple of boyfriends before me and one "serious" relationship where I had only one short-term girlfriend in high school and had never been with anyone else.
My girlfriend is pansexual (though especially interested in women) and I have known this about her as long as we have been together. It's been a recognized part of her, but she has never been involved romantically or otherwise with any other girls/women.
The idea of opening our/her relationship up with other women has been brought up, ranging from jokes to half-serious conversations, but we never really pursued it. A little while ago I brought the conversation up again and we talked a little more seriously about it and now it seems something we are more interested in. We talked a little bit about boundaries and expectations (as much as you can when you're making an imaginary third person out of a vague idea).
Essentially we are both interested and open to the idea of her being involved with another girl in some form and her being the leading factor (ie. primarily based on her interests, etc.) and me being involved but less so. I would not pursue other people and we would sort of mutually be involved with the imaginary third. We have just moved to a new area, are established in our lives, and know few people around us so it's not like there's a particular person we are talking about yet.
We are not sure yet of exactly what we are looking for - a hook up, a more formal relationship, or just an extra-close friend to spend time with and do things together. We are not looking to take advantage of everybody so any arrangement depends on our feelings plus a potential third person's and what we feel is right.
So far we don't know that we're even going to do anything about it but I know she is actively looking at at least some level (with my full knowledge) and we are not sure exactly how far we want to go if at all - probably just starting by looking for interesting people in our area to hang out with.
We are both kind of excited but cautious about the idea but we also know how hard it is to find a willing third for any sort of arrangement like this and we are not using it to fill a hole in our relationship so if it doesn't happen we will let it go. We're also aware of and cautious about "unicorn hunter" stereotypes because we don't want to objectify or dehumanize anybody or put expectations on them of an object to fulfill our desires.
Just looking for some advice on how to handle potentially awkward new situations and what to keep in mind as we keep talking about and considering this.
Thanks
New here. Not sure if "polyamorous" is the right term for our situation but I hoped a group of people like this would be a good sounding board regardless.
My girlfriend and I have been together going on 7 years now, since high school, and did a lot of growing up together in that time. She had a couple of boyfriends before me and one "serious" relationship where I had only one short-term girlfriend in high school and had never been with anyone else.
My girlfriend is pansexual (though especially interested in women) and I have known this about her as long as we have been together. It's been a recognized part of her, but she has never been involved romantically or otherwise with any other girls/women.
The idea of opening our/her relationship up with other women has been brought up, ranging from jokes to half-serious conversations, but we never really pursued it. A little while ago I brought the conversation up again and we talked a little more seriously about it and now it seems something we are more interested in. We talked a little bit about boundaries and expectations (as much as you can when you're making an imaginary third person out of a vague idea).
Essentially we are both interested and open to the idea of her being involved with another girl in some form and her being the leading factor (ie. primarily based on her interests, etc.) and me being involved but less so. I would not pursue other people and we would sort of mutually be involved with the imaginary third. We have just moved to a new area, are established in our lives, and know few people around us so it's not like there's a particular person we are talking about yet.
We are not sure yet of exactly what we are looking for - a hook up, a more formal relationship, or just an extra-close friend to spend time with and do things together. We are not looking to take advantage of everybody so any arrangement depends on our feelings plus a potential third person's and what we feel is right.
So far we don't know that we're even going to do anything about it but I know she is actively looking at at least some level (with my full knowledge) and we are not sure exactly how far we want to go if at all - probably just starting by looking for interesting people in our area to hang out with.
We are both kind of excited but cautious about the idea but we also know how hard it is to find a willing third for any sort of arrangement like this and we are not using it to fill a hole in our relationship so if it doesn't happen we will let it go. We're also aware of and cautious about "unicorn hunter" stereotypes because we don't want to objectify or dehumanize anybody or put expectations on them of an object to fulfill our desires.
Just looking for some advice on how to handle potentially awkward new situations and what to keep in mind as we keep talking about and considering this.
Thanks
